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Sandra Bellamy Author Of Asexual Perspectives Personal Asexuality Journey Interview On Freestyle Your Life Podcast

Posted on by Asexualise

Freestyle Your Life Podcast

I am so happy to have been interviewed on the Freestyle Your Life (FLY) Podcast about my personal asexual journey and about asexuality. My asexual journey has been a transformational one.

My Discovery:

In March/April 2014 I discovered I am a heteroromantic asexual. I am attracted to guys romantically not sexually. I don’t get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sexual intercourse. I love kissing especially and cuddling, but not sex. Yes, I had sex in the past because I thought I had to as part of a ‘normal’ relationship, as we are all conditioned to believe since birth. Yes, I did say conditioned, but sex is not for everyone. Love without sex, does exist. One of my asexual friends is getting married to his asexual partner next month and I couldn’t be more happy for them.

More About Me:

If you are new to this website and blog and you didn’t already know, I am the Author of this beautifully insightful book about Asexuality, called Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity. So if you want to read more about my personal asexual story you can read about it in my book here https://amzn.to/2YEGD2y Or here if you live in the USA https://amzn.to/30nTarT Or worldwide at https://www.sellfy.com/quirkybooks.net or you can order the paperback version from all good book shops around the globe under Quirky Books – yes, that’s my own publishing imprint.

 

Asexual Perspectives print book
Author Sandra Bellamy With Her Asexual Perspectives Paperback Book.

I am also the founder of this site and www.asexualiseacademy.com

I design and sell merchandise for asexuals on Amazon and Redbubble

I also live stream daily on my www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife channel.

My Freestyle Your Life Podcast Interview:

My podcast interview with Freestyle Your Life, goes live on Tuesday 9th July 2019 on ITunes, Stitcher and Spotify. It will be available to listen to from midnight on 8th of July, so you can listen to it on the 9th, no matter what country you are in. I had a lot of synergy with this presenter as she is all about being your true authentic self, no matter what, and has a hugely powerful personal story of overcoming adversity herself.

These are the links where my episode, (episode 26), will be live to listen to from the 9th of July 2019!

This is the exact link to my specific episode: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep026-how-to-embrace-your-quirky-asexuality-sandra/id1458343184?i=1000443926237

https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/freestyleyourlife-podcast

You can find my episode on Spotify at number 26!

Podcast

I hope you enjoy listening to it!

As always, stay ace.

Sandra xx

 

Virginity Is Awesome!

Posted on by Asexualise

This Virginity is Awesome video is taken from my www.youtube.com/quirkybooksTV channel and was recorded in 2015 for a Quirky Love video series. I feel that society bashes people for being a virgin and makes people feel they should be ashamed if they haven’t found someone to have sex with and given their virginity away. I am here to tell you the opposite, I think it’s amazing if you are a virgin and I would date a virgin. I think it’t great if you have kept your virginity for yourself and it is something you should be very proud of. In a world that pushes sex upon you, remaining strong and true to who you are, and not letting anyone take that from you, means you are a super strong person. Be proud and don’t let anyone put you down.

Although some asexuals have had sex, many are virgins and inexperienced at sex. As asexuals can love, live, and be happy without sex, there is no “need” for them to have sex if they don’t want to. Even though I have had sex in the past because I thought I had to as part of a relationship, I still believe it’s beautiful when asexuals keep that for themselves and I would definitely say not to let anyone convince you of a need to do that. Stay strong, and keep being you.

Watch my Virginity is Awesome video and let me know what you think.

As always, until next time, stay ace

I love you

Sandra xx

Make Self Love A Must!

Posted on by Asexualise

If you feel you are lacking self love, this Love Yourself No Matter What video is from you. This video is taken from my www.youtube.com/quirkybooksTV channel and was recorded in 2015 for a Quirky Love video series. I feel that some times asexuals lack self love and I want to fill your self-love cup up with this video and hope it helps you in your life.

As always, until next time, stay ace

I love you

Sandra xx

Sex, Sexuality and being Asexual

Posted on by Asexualise

No matter what sexuality you are, embrace it and each others. Accept people for who they are, including their sexuality, and love them as if you would love yourself. This is the powerful message I share in this video, and this was on my www.youtube.com/quirkybooksTV channel, even before I started my www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife channel, later that same year, in 2015.

I have both asexual and highly sexual heterosexual friends. I respect people for who they are, and despite not wanting sex again in my life for myself, I see nothing wrong with sexuals enjoying sex if it’s consensual and no one is getting hurt in the process. However, I do feel that asexual love is a far more pure love in the sense that genitals are not needed to be involved. Do you agree?

It you want to receive life hacks on how to live your best life, be your best self, and live your purpose, hit the subscribe button on my www.youtube.com/quirkybooksTV channel now! And if you are not already subscribed to my Asexualise channel, please do so now, here www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife Don’t forget to hit that bell icon so you get notified of every time I go live or post a new video. I do a daily live stream show where you can ask me anything you like about asexuality, in the live chat.

Until next time, stay ace

Sandra xx

New Asexual Sex Stories Book – Opportunity To Take Part!!

Posted on by Asexualise
Happy Pride Month,

It’s almost two years since my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity bookwent into print and could be obtained globally through Amazon’s very own distribution network, under my own imprint of Quirky Books. Yes, I am a register publisher user that name. That book will always be dear to my heart as not only is it my first book published for asexuals, I learnt such a lot from interviewing all the 46 Asexuals in it. Far more than I would have ever learnt just from reading text book definitions about asexuality. And as always, July will be #APAM, Asexual Perspectives Awareness Month, where each day for 31 days, I have a video with excerpts from the book to celebrate our diversity across the spectrum on my channel www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife.

I have decided to write my second asexual book, and am looking for asexuals who want to take part in this book and be interviewed for it, only this one is a bit different. This one is called ASEXUAL SEX STORIES: THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE FUGLY. REAL LIFE ASEXUAL SEX STORIES. So as you might have guessed the people who I am looking for to be interviewed, are asexuals who have had sex before, to share their experiences with others. to help other asexuals who are not sure whether or not they want to try sex and are looking for the good, bad, and damn right fugly things about having sex, so they can make an informed choice and decision about whether they want to try it or not. It will also prove a very insightful read for anyone who is asexual who doesn’t want to experience sex themselves, but has always been curious as to what it feels like for an asexual to have sex.

This book will also be a great read for anyone who is not asexual, but who wants to get a deeper understanding of what sex really feels like for an asexual and to gain greater insight into how an asexual thinks and feels about sex, from a very personal experience point of view.

If you are an asexual who has had sex at some point or know of an asexual friend who has and may like to take part in this book, please can you get them to contact me asexualise@gmail.com with the subject line of “I want to be interviewed for your Asexual Sex Stories book!’ 

You will be sent a questionnaire that you need to fill in fully, in order to be considered for this book. Answers need to be in to me by 30th of June 2019, to be considered for publication. All answers will be gone through thoroughly next month, July 2019, and you may be contacted for further information or questions about your answers in that month.

As well as sharing the good, the bad and the ugly of their experience of having sex, interviewee’s will also be asked questions to advise other asexuals who are thinking about having sex for the first time ever and not sure about whether they should do it or not. This book will be available to buy on Amazon, and globally in print under my own imprint of Quirky Books. As with the last book, it will also be in the British Library and others too.

This book came about because I have an aromatic asexual friend who was asking me what do if they were to try sex and because I saw many asexuals in groups saying that when they have had sex before, they did not know what to do with their arms etc, so I thought there is a need for this book. It also gives asexuals a voice to tell others what it really feels like to be asexual and have sex, rather than sexuals just giving their opinion all the time.

If you are looking for asexual merch to celebrate this pride month, please visit my Asexualise shop www.redbubble.com/people/asexualise/shop

Until next time, stay ace

Sandra xx

Asexual Perspectives Answers | What Advice Would You Have Given A Younger Version Of Yourself In Regard To Asexuality?

Posted on by Asexualise

 Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories bookIn my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration Of Asexual Diversity book I asked each person I interviewed for the book this question:

If you were to look back at your life, what advice would you have given a younger version of yourself in regard to asexuality?

In Chapter 48, on page 450 of the printed edition of Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, South American Anonymous’s answer to this question is awe-inspiring:

Seriously, I would explain to myself everything I know about orientations and genders right now and I would emphasise that we are not broken, and there’s nothing wrong with being who we are, and what other people say doesn’t matter and we should have more courage to face what’s up ahead. 

In Chapter 45, on page 418 of the printed edition of Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Claire Evelyn’s answer is short and spot on!

That it is okay to follow your own path and not follow the masses.

In Chapter 20, on page 196 of the printed edition of Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Geeske Van Der Poel’s answer is important to note:

Asexuality is not wrong, just be who you are. You Should not feel guilty for not giving your parents any grandchildren, either.

In Chapter 13, on page 121 of the printed edition of Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, always remember Dee’s advice:

Don’t have any sex unless you’re confident you want it. 

In Chapter 10, on page 88 of the printed edition of Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Nikki has valuable advice to share:

Realize earlier that it is ok! I thought for ages that I was just slow to develop the urges and interests everyone my age had and pushed myself to be a participant in sexual culture. I would tell my younger self that I’m fine the way I am and to find the confidence to participate in our sexually charged culture in an asexual way.

If you want more fantastic advice like this, from real life asexuals across the globe, get a copy of my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex ACElebration of Asexual Diversity book here if you live in the UK https://amzn.to/2WeBlhf or here if you live in the USA https://amzn.to/2WedNZI It is also available across many other Amazon stores and can be requested from all good book stores in print format, as it’s published using my own publishing imprint of Quirky Books, which is a registered publisher in the UK, and I use Amazon to publish and distribute the books globally for me. I also have the ebook version available at www.sellfy.com/quirkybooks.net

 

 

 

18 Benefits Of Being Asexual And Not Sexually Attracted To Anyone!

Posted on by Asexualise

Asexualise T Shirt18 benefits of being asexual and not sexually attracted to anyone!

1 – We can easily say no to those asking for sex.

2 – We can easily block those people who message us to be friends but really want sex.

3 – We can dance in nightclubs and bars, knowing no matter how much someone pleads with us to have sex, the answer is no.

4 – When someone offers in a bar or club to go back to theirs for a drink, we know it means sex and can say a definite no.

5 – We are careful who we add to our Facebook friends list because we have high standards and don’t want sex.

6 – We understand that the majority of people who say let’s do Netflix and chill, really mean let’s have sex and get hot and sweaty.

7 – We don’t have to dress up and put makeup on to be appealing for having sex, we can just chill in our pjs or superhero/cute outfits and have fun.

8 – We can kiss and touch if we want to, without it ever leading to sex.

9 – We cannot get pregnant from all that sex we are not having.

10 – We have more time and energy to do other things and be productive, whilst others are having sex and preparing themselves for it.

11 – We can be trusted to never physically cheat on you, because we don’t ever want sex with anyone. We are more loyal and faithful in this way, by default.

12 – We can experience multiple other attractions, just not sexual. And we can separate these different types of attractions.

13 – We can potentially be in a relationship with someone who is impotent, celibate, or who has a disability which prevents them from having sex. Because we don’t ever need sex. And we can love them as they are.

14 – Our love for someone is based more on a person’s personality, and their heart, mind, and soul, because we don’t need their genitals to keep up happy and attract us to them.

15 – Our love is based on a deep emotional connection, that needs to be maintained and sustained, to have a long, loving, happy, healthy, relationship, because it’s not based on sex but bestest ever friendship and soulmate connection. In this way it’s the purest love you can get, as genitals are not involved.

16 – Asexuals who want a serious relationship are more likely to put the time, energy, and effort, into getting a relationship and making it work, as it’s rarer for us to be able to get someone in the first place.

17 – Asexuals are more likely to get into relationships with people they have lots in common with, such as hobbies and interests, so there is more chance of longevity.

18 – Asexuals are different and their uniqueness is their gift the world. We are free of conditioning and social conformities, and have the ability to see people and the world, in a completely different way to everyone else. Which is like a superpower and special gift.

 

These are 18 benefits of asexuals who are not sexually attracted to anyone! Asexuality is a spectrum, so in general, those on the Grey Asexual end of the asexual spectrum, can sometimes feel sexual attraction, under limited, rare, or specific circumstances. Or they can experience it, but not enough to want to act on it.

Also some asexuals can cheat emotionally and also I have known of a few who are chatting up multiple women at once, or in a relationship and still pursuing another with someone else.

Some asexuals who love sexuals, can find it hard to say no to having sex, or to stop the connection. This is why it’s super important to be upfront and honest about the fact you are asexual before you get into a relationship, especially if you don’t want sex at all. Remember it’s your body and your life, and you always have the ability to walk away. And if you discovered you are asexual while in a relationship, always remember, it’s better to be single, than to be with someone who is sexually incompatible and you can’t make each other happy. There are a few sexuals who can be in relationships with asexuals without sex, and if you are an asexual person who doesn’t mind having sex, then a relationship with a sexual person could work, depending on if you can both agree on standards, boundaries, and expectations for the relationship, both now and for your future together, to be happy and satisfying to both/all people concerned.

I’m back online! But it’s not that simple!

Posted on by Asexualise

It’s Friday 22nd March 2019, and I’m back online! But it’s not that simple!

Asexualise.com was offline for some time due to being hacked, to protect your online safety while I got the issue fixed. I deleted all infected files and used an old site backup from last year, which over-rides the current site and in the process, consequently deleted all the blog posts from November 5th inclusive.

One of my new friends recently said, that he believes in miracles as he experiences them every day. And I was thrilled to see another version of my site – the December version, on my IPad. So I am able to re-type up, and re-publish, 6 of those previous posts! (I still wish I had the others.) The beauty of this, is if you missed any, you will be able to catch up with them in close succession. So I best get typing them up. Good job I love write and blog! I hope you enjoy the new theme and look of this Asexualise.com site? Please let me know what you think of it in the comments below!

Until next time, stay ace.

Sandra xx

 

Emmerdale UK Soap Character Liv Is Asexual

Posted on by Asexualise
Liv is asexual

EMMERDALE CHARACTER LIV IS ASEXUAL – COULD THIS FINALLY BE THE RECOGNITION ASEXUALS NEED FOR SOCIETY TO ACCEPT US?

Finally we have an asexual character in a major soap opera, in the UK. Emmerdale character Liv is asexual. Could this finally be the recognition asexuals need for society to accept us? https://metro.co.uk/2019/01/30/emmerdale-spoilers-liv-flaherty-opens-up-to-jacob-gallagher-about-her-asexuality-during-a-date-8348471/

Although there is far more media publicity about asexuality than there ever was before, with articles, radio interviews, and a few documentaries popping up, including one on Sky News, and one last year with BBC3, I believe what we really need is to have asexuals to be seen in the media for prologue periods of time, and consistently. Rather than there only being one article, radio or TV interview, as and when! This is why I am so thrilled that Liv is asexual, and that finally it should lead to the recognition asexuality deserves within society, as a sexual orientation in its own right.

Having Liv as the first asexual character of a major soap in the UK, will, I believe, pave the way forward for other soaps to follow suit! What happens in Emmerdale, usually emerges soon after in Coronation Street, and Eastenders. So not only will this Emmerdale storyline be amazing for asexuality, in and of itself, it should have a domino effect and rollout into all the other major UK soaps, which in turn should push other TV programmes to do the same, and asexuality should finally start appearing in major films too. If fact, it’s already happening in other soaps! With Tyrone in Coronation Street mentioning the word Asexual, before Emmerdale does in its programme!

Can’t wait to find out which character they confirm is asexual, I’m waiting for it …

I have been approached by people who have revealed their plans for getting asexuality to a more global audience, such as through films, so lets see what happens. I am excited about what the future holds for asexuals and asexuality.

Until next time, as always, stay ace.

Sandra xx

ASEXUALISE DATING SUCCESS STORY | How Two Asexual Grey Romantics Found Love In Asexualise No Sex Dating Group!

Posted on by Asexualise

I am absolutely thrilled that two people in my Asexualise Dating group, specifically for asexuals who never want sex, have formed a meaningful asexual no sex relationship! And what’s particularly interesting with this success story, is both the happy couple are on the aromantic asexual spectrum (those who lack romantic attraction and sexual attraction). Asexual Love is ace!

I interviewed Patricia to discover more about how this asexual relationship started. Here are her answers told in her own words …

What was your relationship status was before you joined the group and what difficulties you were having finding someone suitable for a relationship?

I was single when I joined the group. I wasn’t really having a hard time with finding a relationship. It wasn’t an important thing in my life. It just wasn’t the most important thing.

How did you come across the Asexualise Dating group specifically for those who never want sex?

I came across the group looking for friends and if it turns into something else great. I was in other ace groups and I saw this one and decided to give it a go. I wasn’t too sure what to expect with a relationship. I have seen a lot of older movies with romance, so I kinda think I know what I want.

How long was it before you found your potential partner in the group?

I’m not sure. I’m bad with timeframes. I met one guy. He wasn’t supportive. My last friend died and I told him and he gave me no support. Next was Eric who I’m seeing now. So maybe a year.

Were there people in the group you liked before you met your partner but for some reason they weren’t suitable?

I never really looked for someone because I’m ace grey aromantic. So it’s wasn’t a huge thing, but I was interested in what I could find.

Who made the first move in terms of messaging and what happened?

Eric did I believe. We started talking in your Asexualise No Sex Dating group in September 2017 and continue talking. We got together in July 2018. I asked him with nervousness, and we felt the same! We had more of the cicadas that summer, and I would call him up as I walked to the senior centre where I volunteer. I would freak out over the birds shadow thinking it would be a cicada and I don’t want to deal with that! I hate bugs! But it’s nice… to have company on my walks. We make each other laugh. We both love video games, we both love nature. He has some albinism so he doesn’t like brightness. But I’m excited to learn Swedish. I’ve always liked the idea of Sweden since I watch the YouTuber PewDiePie. So I’m excited for that.

I know you both live in different countries. How are you planning to move over there? When will this happen? Do you already have a job lined up and will you live together or not at first?

Okay this a long one. He lives in Sweden. I live in the USA. I’m planning to apply for citizenship, but I have to live in the USA for a year, so probably in 2020 I will move. I don’t know when in 2020 though. I plan on moving into his apartment. It will be awkward at first because I have lived on my own for so long, as he has also. So yeah, it will be awkward. I don’t currently have a job, I’m unable to work. I have a cat and puppy, both female.They will be coming too. So no, I don’t have a job lined up, I plan on applying for sick pay. It will also be a good mental and emotional health booster to get away from toxic family members.

Also he and I want a Nordic wedding. NO real wedding plans yet! Just silly talk of it. But I do make jokes that I want an all white wedding, but would he blend in as he has some albino in him, lol! We haven’t said, “I love you yet” but we may in the future when we are physically together.

What would you say to anyone else who is asexual and not looking for sex ever and thinking about joining the group?

I would say, finding a partner takes time and could take longer than me. Moving would be a big thing, but it will need to be done for it to work out.

What advice would you give to other asexuals in general, who are looking for a serious relationship with another asexual without sex?

It takes time. Friendships are important to make as they could turn into something more. When going into the dating scene look for a friendship first. Let it grow. Take your time. Don’t rush.

I need to stress it is so important to have a caring and supportive relationship. He and I are so caring and supportive of each other. I love how we can laugh about things. Also I tend to rant and he will calmly let me know and I stop. He doesn’t judge. I don’t either. If people want to get an idea of how we are, just look up the gif series milkandmocha (milk and mocha) it’s sooo us!

Don’t give up. There is hope for those who are ace and grey aromantics, because Eric and I are both grey aro and we were lucky enough to find each other. I’m agender though and he respects that. That makes me happy. So yeah we make each other very happy.

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If you are reading this and you are asexual (not sexual), and you want to join this Asexualise no sex dating group, for asexuals who never want sex, how can you apply?

If you are asexual, single, and never want sex, ever, you can apply to be in my Asexualise Dating group, for asexuals who are looking for a serious and committed no sex ever relationship. There will be questions to answer in order to gain access to the group and not everyone is guaranteed to be accepted, however, many are! Here is the link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/acexualisedating/

If however you are on the more Grey Asexual or Demisexual end of the Asexual Spectrum and/or, you may want or be wiling to have sex upon occasion, then please don’t request to be in my no sex ever dating group and request to be in this one instead https://www.facebook.com/groups/greyacexualdatinganddemiacexualdating/

If you are asexual and just looking for asexual friends, then please request to join this group https://www.facebook.com/groups/acefriendsrus/

Thanks so much to Patricia and Eric for sharing their wonderful Asexualise Dating successful love story and explaining how they met in my Asexualise Dating group, which is specifically for those asexuals who never want sex ever. I wish you lots of love and happiness forever xx

And if you are looking for more relationship insights, don’t forget to get a copy of my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity book here  ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES

BOOK: KINDLE http://amzn.to/2l8kppt

PAPERBACK: http://amzn.to/2td7y8D (UK) http://amzn.to/2tMXhls

PDF https://sellfy.com/quirkybooks.net

Until next time, as always, stay ace!

Sandra xx