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If you want to know more about asexuality and have a ton of questions that need answering, I wrote a book called ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES: 47 ASEXUAL STORIES: LOVE, LIFE and SEX, ACElebration of ASEXUAL DIVERSITY, which is now available on the Waterstones Website here https://www.waterstones.com/book/asexual-perspectives-47-asexual-stories/sandra-bellamy/9780995599338
It took me a year to write it and I interviewed 46 asexuals around the globe for it. What’s good about this book, is it does not just give text book definitions of orientations across the asexual spectrum, it shows you them, through their answers and the personal details they share from their real life stories. It answers most questions you could think of about love, life, and sex, from an asexual point of view, including those you feel afraid to ask!!
Besides being available on the Waterstones Website here https://www.waterstones.com/book/asexual-perspectives-47-asexual-stories/sandra-bellamy/9780995599338  It’s available on Amazon here also: KINDLE http://amzn.to/2l8kppt  PAPERBACK: http://amzn.to/2td7y8D  (UK) http://amzn.to/2tMXhls  PDF https://sellfy.com/quirkybooks.net đź’ś
Asexual Perspectives Available To Buy On Barnes & Noble | Quirky Books Now On Barnes & Noble here https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/asexual-perspectives-sandra-bellamy/1126741637?ean=9780995599338
In 2010, I had a dream that Quirky Books would one day be my own publishing company. And that was the year I started my first ever blog www.quirkybooks.wordpress.com so I could document my journey into print and get the name associated with me from day 1. www.quirkybooks.net was my first ever domain name I bought.
In 2015, I started helping asexuals on my www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife channel.
In 2017, I registered as a UK publisher under the name of Quirky Books. It was something I had waited for, for 7 years of my life, and such a proud moment. It was also the first year I ever published a paperback book under my own under my own publishing imprint of Quirky Books. This book was also my first book I ever published for asexuals, called Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration Of Asexual Diversity. And now, it’s in major bookstore Barnes & Noble. It’s a proud moment for me personally and for asexuality. Getting more coverage and publicity to those who might have never heard of asexuality, is super important. Here is the link https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/asexual-perspectives-sandra-bellamy/1126741637?ean=9780995599338
You can also buy it from Amazon, here is the link https://amzn.to/2Lk5en3
In this book I reveal my own asexual perspective and my personal story, as well as the real life perspectives from 46 asexuals around the globe who I interviewed for this book. It took me a year to write it and I specifically asked them questions that I got asked in private messages time and time again. In this book you will:
•Learn the asexual perspectives of Aromantics; Heteroromantics; Homoromantics; Panromantics; Grey Aces; Demi-sexual; Biromantic; Agender; Transgender; Polyamorous and many more.
•Uncover Asexuals’ deepest fears, concerns and worries about being asexual.
•Find out possible reasons why, in general, society does not accept asexuality as a sexual orientation in its own right and what we can do about this to change the world!
•Discover what asexuals really believe are the differences between sexual attraction, sexual desire and arousal.
•Find out what asexuals really think of nudity; porn; masturbation; BDSM and kinks.
•Discover what it feels like to have sex as an asexual and how to cope with the sexualized world that we live in.
•Find out what asexuals think about living together, about marriage and about having kids.
•Discover what an ideal asexual relationship would look like and whether asexuals believe a relationship with a sexual would be fair or not.
•Uncover the positives about being asexual.
•Find out what advice asexuals would give to a younger version of themselves regarding asexuality and what advice they would give to others who are just discovering they may be asexual.
So check it out https://amzn.to/2Lk5en3 I share my own story in the free “look inside” me feature.
I also have an educational channel about asexuality and would love you tosubscribe and join my community there too www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallifeand I blog about asexuality at www.asexualise.com
And if you are looking for Asexual Merchandise, check out my Asexualise designs on www.redbubble.com/people/asexualiseand Amazon http://amzn.to/2AYeqLb I design them myself, so if you need a design creating then let me know. On behalf of all members here, welcome to the ace team and I hope you have an ace time!!
Let’s say hello to all new members. Welcome to Asexual Friends in association with Asexualise.com, This group works best if you are proactive and join in the group conversations. You can message me if there are any problems.
If you want to know more about asexuality and have a ton of questions that need answering, I wrote a book called ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES: 47 ASEXUAL STORIES: LOVE, LIFE and SEX, ACElebration of ASEXUAL DIVERSITY, here is the link http://amzn.to/2AVIuXT which will answer many questions you have about love, life and sex, from an asexual point of view.
In this book I reveal my own asexual perspective and my personal story, as well as the real life perspectives from 46 asexuals around the globe who I interviewed for this book. It took me a year to write it and I specifically asked them questions that I got asked in private messages time and time again. In this book you will:
So check it out https://amzn.to/2Lk5en3  I share my own story in the free “look inside” me feature. Or get it from Barnes & Noble here https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/asexual-perspectives-sandra-bellamy/1126741637?ean=9780995599338
As always, stay Ace
Sandra xx
There’s nothing more exciting and rewarding for a writer/published Author, than changing people’s lives through your own written words.
When you add to that, the fact you are asexual, and you are interviewed about your book and asexual life journey, it’s just the icing on the cake.
I’m so proud to be featured in Loud and Out magazine, about my Asexual Perspectives book, and Author/asexual journey. And what a journey it’s been. I remember when I was scared to talk about sex with anyone else but a partner.  I remember a time I thought I had to have sex as part of a ‘normal’ relationship. And I remember how the word asexual turned me off from using it, because it has sexual as part of the word, and I feel I’m not sexual. I remember thinking if you have sexual behaviour, how can you be asexual? Not realising sexual behaviour is not the same as sexual attraction. Asexuals lack sexual attraction, they don’t all lack sexual behaviour.
Want to know more about why I chose to write Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life And Sex book?
Check out the article here https://loudandout.com/asexuality/?fbclid=IwAR0cvSXnB5wfFMV_n4yTUdImJBYxizPC7hLvegR3wkMew5QYLNb_-jKPXu4
As always, stay ACE
Sandra xx
 
In my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration Of Asexual Diversity book I asked each person I interviewed for the book this question:
If you were to look back at your life, what advice would you have given a younger version of yourself in regard to asexuality?
In Chapter 48, on page 450 of the printed edition of Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, South American Anonymous’s answer to this question is awe-inspiring:
Seriously, I would explain to myself everything I know about orientations and genders right now and I would emphasise that we are not broken, and there’s nothing wrong with being who we are, and what other people say doesn’t matter and we should have more courage to face what’s up ahead.Â
In Chapter 45, on page 418 of the printed edition of Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Claire Evelyn’s answer is short and spot on!
That it is okay to follow your own path and not follow the masses.
In Chapter 20, on page 196 of the printed edition of Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Geeske Van Der Poel’s answer is important to note:
Asexuality is not wrong, just be who you are. You Should not feel guilty for not giving your parents any grandchildren, either.
In Chapter 13, on page 121 of the printed edition of Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, always remember Dee’s advice:
Don’t have any sex unless you’re confident you want it.Â
In Chapter 10, on page 88 of the printed edition of Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Nikki has valuable advice to share:
Realize earlier that it is ok! I thought for ages that I was just slow to develop the urges and interests everyone my age had and pushed myself to be a participant in sexual culture. I would tell my younger self that I’m fine the way I am and to find the confidence to participate in our sexually charged culture in an asexual way.
If you want more fantastic advice like this, from real life asexuals across the globe, get a copy of my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex ACElebration of Asexual Diversity book here if you live in the UK https://amzn.to/2WeBlhf or here if you live in the USA https://amzn.to/2WedNZI It is also available across many other Amazon stores and can be requested from all good book stores in print format, as it’s published using my own publishing imprint of Quirky Books, which is a registered publisher in the UK, and I use Amazon to publish and distribute the books globally for me. I also have the ebook version available at www.sellfy.com/quirkybooks.net
In my Asexual Perspectives book, I say I will not date a heterosexual again as they all need sex in the end. But I did give it a go and dated a heterosexual guy for almost two who months, who said he could live without sex. I am no longer dating him or seeing him as he was no good for me in other ways.
Dating him was a very interesting experience from a personal asexuality point of view. Because it was the first time I had dated a heterosexual guy, whilst consciously being fully aware that I don’t experience sexual attraction, but I do have high arousal levels and exhibit some sexual behaviour in regards to passionate kissing.
I did date a heterosexual guy for a night in July 2014, and I found out I was asexual in March 2014, and at the end of the night he wanted me to be his girlfriend and as I did not like sex, he said it was okay, he would do that with other women – I was fuming mad about that!! I am definitely not a poly person and so this was a complete insult.
Back then I did not totally understand my Asexual identity. I was not so confident about it. And I was certainly never consciously aware that I had high arousal levels, that I had previously mistaken for sexual attraction in my past relationships and dating. At that point, I think I was still toying with the typical Grey A definition of experiencing sexual attraction but not enough to want to act on it. I thought this may be where I am at. But I began to realise it wasn’t, as I never had a thought in head that I want to have sex, with anyone. Not even my long-term ex of 8.5 years – even though we did have sex sometimes, I never actually thought “I want to have sex”.
It was very soon after this date in 2014, that I tried masturbation for the first time. I didn’t like it but I understood why some people do, and that it can become addictive. I also noticed around that same time, when I was in asexual forums and sex was being discussed, that my body would involuntarily get aroused and this really freaked me out, as I don’t like, want, or need sex ever, in my life, again.
Since that time and across my Asexual journey, I have realised that I can still get involuntarily aroused by the mention of the word sex, even though I am personally sex repulsed for me these days. I can get aroused from accidentally seeing some porn style pics on Twitter, when I detest porn and never go to look at that. And also I can get aroused just by thinking about passionate kissing, or just by thinking about the word ‘aroused’, with no one else involved but me. I don’t fantasize. I don’t need anyone to arouse me and I don’t need to touch myself to be aroused, I can just think about it and feel it almost instantly in my body.
So with this awakening, with all of the personal fears and boundaries I have conquered and with how explicitly I am now able to talk about sex, both online and offline, I actually realise that I like to express myself freely, in quite a sexual manner, when serious about a guy and in a relationship with him. The guy I was dating I was very serious about and even though we were not in an official relationship, we had discussed being in one in the future and acted far more serious than just dating. We kept seeing each other more and more. So splitting from dating him was tough, but he was no good for me in the end so I had to.
His past sexual life was not good, he was honest about this and in the beginning of me dating him, he regularly talked about sex in a – it was such an awesome thing to do way. So I said I did not believe if he kissed me that he could live without sex. So he said to try him and for a while of course I did not. But I realised that if I could not do that, there was no chance of me ever being in a relationship with him. So after speaking to one of my best girl friends about my worries and fears, one night I was so brave and decided to go for it. Prior to that he kept saying I was physically stronger than him, as my muscles were bigger than his and he goes to the gym!! I told him that if I did kiss him, then I wanted to be in total control of that, reminded him that whatever happened, I would not want sex, ever. So I ended up always being on top of him, passionately kissing him and doing all the work with my clothes on and he could relax, be aroused and enjoy himself immensely. He was not good at kissing when we started, but I am a good trainer and leader in that respect, so it did not take long to get that to be good.
So when I kissed passionately on top of him, I got highly aroused and made all of the noises like we were having sex, including the heavy breathing, which just happens naturally with me and I cannot help it. In fact my behaviour, with kissing him all over his chest and the way my body moved and was close to his, was sexual in behaviour, yet not once did I think I want sex with him. I kept asking myself would that ever change and that surely with this amount of arousal and sexual behaviour you should feel sexual attraction and want it. But I just didn’t. I just never could feel that way. Even though I loved snogging him and being free to express myself sexually in this way, kissing his chest and kissing and sucking his nipples, and sucking and kissing his earlobes, I concluded that I am 100% asexual and despite having high arousal levels and some sexual behaviour, I never experience sexual attraction. But my fear is that I am seen as too sexual in behaviour for some asexuals and not sexual enough to be in a long-term relationship with a heterosexual. I feel a bit trapped, like I am between a rock and a hard place, if you pardon the expression, with no way out, unless I happen to get a heteroromantic match whose Grey A areas are almost identical to my own. I like to keep my clothes on, so that is not sexual enough for some asexuals who love touching the naked body. Or as some would see it, sensual, but not sexual. Still, at least I am confident that I am not a demi-sexual and I am not a text book Grey A. In my Asexual Perspectives book I redefine Grey A to mean Grey Areas, so I mean a person is asexual, but has some sexual behaviour or things they like to do that are seen as sexual beyond masturbation – which some consider is sexual in behaviour. So when I say I am Grey A, this is what I mean, I don’t experience sexual attraction, but I am sexual in behaviour with passionate kissing, but still very much Asexual.
To find out more about what asexuals really think of Love, Life and Sex, shop for Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories on Amazon!
It took my about a year to write, interview for, and edit, my Asexual Perspectives book Kindle edition. This was a triumph in itself, but many of you have wanted to read it as a printed physical book for so long. So I am pleased to say that it will be out in print, very soon!!!
UPDATE: Asexual Perspectives Book print edition is out now and you can buy it here https://amzn.to/2wsO8Oi
What is the hardest part of writing a book? BEHIND THE SCENES PART ONE. What is the hardest part of writing a book? Special Edition Video Series. In this video series I give you a behind the scenes look at what it is really like to be a writer and author. Part Two, in the next blog post, shows more of the making of the book and my daily routine.
UPDATE: This book is out now in both digital Kindle format as well as paperback here https://amzn.to/2wsO8Oi
