10 Benefits Of Being Alone: 10 Reasons Why It Is Good To Be Alone!

Posted on by Asexualise

I have noticed that a lot of asexuals feel alone and are lonely. I do understand this, especially as I am an extrovert asexual and like to get out and about and be around people about every 3 days.

I don’t usually feel lonely these days, but it can be isolating if I have not got out of my flat in a while! I like going out with friends and I am a social creature by nature, but I also have some introvert tendencies, in the sense that I enjoy my own company, like to switch off from the outside world now and then to explore and progress my creative pursuits and passions, and I also do a lot of solo work at home, building websites, writing blog posts, etc! Having said that, in-between doing my work, sometimes I will send an email reply to someone or reach out to someone via email, and I will often watch videos about my passions, which means I am still connected to people outside my home!

There are some huge benefits to being alone – I like to call it “being on my own and enjoying my own company”. The video above, has 10 reasons why it is good to be alone! Please watch it and let me know if you agree?

Until next time, stay ACE.

Sandra xx

Why Do Some Asexuals Have Sex?

Posted on by Asexualise

So why do some asexuals have sex? There are a variety of reasons why some asexuals may have sex. Some asexuals may have sex to please their partner or they may have sex because they like it as an activity to do, like a board game! Some asexuals may have had sex in the past but not any more, and some asexuals have never had sex and never will!

Asexuality is not defined by whether you have had sex or not, it is defined by whether you experience sexual attraction or not, so whether you get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sexual intercourse or not! I have had sex in the past, but would rather I did not. I thought I had to have sex as part of a relationship, despite never thinking I want to have sex with any guy, including past loves. When I found out I am asexual in 2014 and I discovered others who were too, it felt amazing, that for the first time in my life, I had hope that I could find asexual love, without sex! I have never associated sex with love and never will!

If you have any questions, please post them in the comments below!

Until next time, stay Ace.

Sandra xx

 

10 Awesome Benefits To NOT Having Sex!

Posted on by Asexualise

Here are 10 Awesome Benefits To NOT Having Sex!

1) You don’t have to worry about getting a STD.

2) No risk of getting pregnant or of getting someone pregnant.

3) No pressure or expectation to perform.

4) You will be loved for who you are, not for how many orgasms you can attempt to give or have.

5) Less mess and changing of bed sheets!

6) Relationship compatibility is increased because there is more focus on shared mutual interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes – rather than sexual attraction being the primary reason for the relationship to start and continue.

7) Less divorce rates due to impotency or lack of sex, if you are not having it anyway.

8) You have more time to focus on other things.

9) You don’t have to feel guilty if you are too tired to have sex or not in the mood.

10) There is more chance of getting to the root of relationship problems, and either sorting them out or cutting your losses sooner – rather than using sex as a kiss and make-up mask over the problem – leading to more frustration, hurt and pain, later on!

How To Come Out As Asexual!!

Posted on by Asexualise

Before I Begin

Before I go any further with this ‘how to come out as asexual’ post, let me tell you that you owe it to yourself and to be fair to others if you are in a relationship, to say that you are not into sex, but you do not have to say right away that you are asexual. You can just say things like I am not into sex.  I just don’t like  sex. I have never liked sex. I don’t associate sex with love. These explain how you feel, rather than use the term asexual which others may try to object to. No one can object to how you feel, because those feelings are yours and you own them, and no one has the right to take those away from you.

However, if you do want to come out as asexual, someone asked me how to come out as asexual to their boyfriend and others, here was my advice! Hope it helps!

How To Come Out As Asexual

Honesty is way better in the long-term for you to live your life as your authentic self, however, it is best you prepare for objections in advance and know not everyone may like what you have to say but to remain strong and adamant that you are asexual and be confident with it. Confidence is key.

Firstly, I would confide in a friend/s or family member/s who you believe would most likely take it well because they are open-minded – I would do this first so you can see their reaction and also hopefully they will understand your situation and you can get them on side so it gives that initial confidence boost! It is not guaranteed to work – but it helps if you have people who either back you up or just don’t mind about it. If you cannot get any support there and you need a confidence boost before telling others about it, go in Asexual Facebook groups or asexual online forums, so you can at least feel less alone and supported and have an outlet should things not go as planned or people continue to be negative – however, be sure to go with the mindset that there is nothing wrong in being asexual, that there are thousands of people on the planet who are – a recorded 1%, that is 1 in every 100 people you are likely to be asexual – that is a good fact to tell people too, to help them understand it is actually more common than they think! Then tell others in order of importance and urgency.

I came out to my parents first, I just told them in a confident and matter of fact way, that I think I am asexual and explained what it was, and by the second conversation they said it sounds like me, and are far more understanding now then they have ever been, about me, my personality, and my life! But the first friend I told was not good about it and said I just hadn’t met the right person yet. – So you can prepare to answer that question with something like, ‘yes, you are right, I just haven’t met the right asexual person yet!’ The reason this friend was adamant about me not being asexual, was in her opinion, I was always talking about guys and I explained that is because I liked them aesthetically and romantically. But not only that, I was under-confident about my asexuality back then and wishy-washy with it, and not strong and speaking with conviction, if I had been adamant, and confident, it would have helped tremendously, so remember to be the most confident you can possibly be!

In terms of your boyfriend – meet up with him in private and sit him down and explain to him about asexuality and what it is and how that impacts you and makes you feel. Explain how important he is to you and how much you love him and trust him and that you feel so comfortable with him that you wanted to tell him how you feel, that you would have liked to have shared this with him before, but did not know how to go about it and now feel more confident in saying. (It’s important to use feeling words and put the emphasis or you being responsible for your asexuality). Allow him time to ask questions, think, and come to terms with it. You can say, I realise this may be new to you but I want us to grow stronger and closer together through sharing this with you. Then take it from there. I hope that helps. I am also at http://www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife.

Also, asexuality.org has some great info.

Was this helpful? Let me know what you think in the comments below!

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Asexual Self-Love! 10 Ways to Asexually Self-love at home! #asexuality

Posted on by Asexualise

Asexual Self-Love: How To Self-Love At Home The Asexual Way. It’s so important when single especially, to self-love at home.  Sometimes spending a lot of time on your own at home can be fabulous, but for some others, it can feel lonely and isolating, this is why it is important to develop a self-love attitude! In this video I reveal ways you can self-love at home!

Self-love should be a daily practise! And self-dating should be a must. But what are some things you can do to self-love at home?

Here are some key points from the video!

  1. Have a movie day, watching movies that are not just full of death and destruction, but that are humorous and light-hearted too! Don’t forget to have popcorn and crisps to accompany your movies!
  2. Read your favourite books, including asexual books. And read non-fiction books for your personal and professional development.
  3. Write, if you enjoy writing.
  4. Learn from home and take a course online to develop yourself and your life in some way.
  5. Give yourself a hug or kiss if you want to.
  6. If you experience arousal, and want to relieve it and masturbate, then go for it.
  7. Do artwork; poetry; anything you enjoy doing.
  8. Cook yourself a meal.
  9. Take a hot bath or shower to relax and reflect!
  10. Enjoy eating your favourite foods and having a foodgasm!!

Want the items in this video? Just click the links below and make sure with the Blu-rays/DVDS that you are buying them from your Amazon so they work in your country and select the format you want, whether it is Blu-ray, DVD, or other! If your Amazon is not either of those, then click through the links below and there should be a message with a link in the top right of your screen to take you through to your Amazon. And don’t forget to subscribe to my channel, especially as I now do some Live Streams so you can join in the conversation with me!!

Captain America Box Set on Amazon.com http://amzn.to/2iYY1fI on Amazon.co.uk http://amzn.to/2icrBRE

Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice on Amazon.com http://amzn.to/2BrkDNr on Amazon.co.uk http://amzn.to/2ie8WoH

Kung Fu Panda 3 on Amazon.com http://amzn.to/2hYg8l0 on Amazon.co.uk http://amzn.to/2Bjx50S

Terminator Genisys on Amazon.com http://amzn.to/2AfVcAx on Amazon.co.uk http://amzn.to/2ieRvo7

X Men Apocalypse on Amazon.com http://amzn.to/2k8HwRE on Amazon.co.uk http://amzn.to/2ibMEE1

Inkheart on Amazon.com http://amzn.to/2jve2cD on Amazon.co.uk http://amzn.to/2Adu0T5

Iron Man 3 on Amazon.com http://amzn.to/2jsZTgg on Amazon.co.uk http://amzn.to/2id7LpI

Metcalfe Salted Popcorn Amazon.com http://amzn.to/2Bt4ZRT Amazon.co.uk http://amzn.to/2ig9rhY

Tyrrells’s Sea Salt Chips/Chips on Amazon.com http://amzn.to/2k8521a (only 40g) on Amazon.co.uk http://amzn.to/2AisbSs

Motivation Manifesto Book – By Brendon Burchard on Amazon.com http://amzn.to/2hZ9gUm by Brendon Burchard on Amazon.co.uk http://amzn.to/2ieuMbu

Writing Successful Self-help & How-to books by Jean Marie Stine on Amazon.com http://amzn.to/2hYLtEc on Amazon.co.uk http://amzn.to/2if36n4

ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES 47 ASEXUAL STORIES, Love, Life and SEX ACElebration of Asexual Diversity by Sandra Bellamy (that’s me) on Amazon.com
Kindle: http://amzn.to/2l8kppt
Paperback: http://amzn.to/2td7y8D
on Amazon.co.uk http://amzn.to/2tMXhls

Tilda Pulses & Rice Pinto Bean Chilli and Rice on Amazon.com http://amzn.to/2ieVnWd  and on Amazon.co.uk http://amzn.to/2jtDNKs

Deliciously Ella Cacao and Almond Energy Ball on Amzon.com http://amzn.to/BI9q9Vn  on Amazon.co.uk http://amzn.to/2juEvXL

These are all products I have bought and used. And the links are affiliate links, so if you buy anything through these links, it may give me some pennies for the upkeep of this site! Thank you xx

 

 

Asexual Love: Asexual Dating Group – Got My Asexual Boyfriend: Asexual Soulmate!

Posted on by Asexualise

So after being single for almost 6 years, and searching for my Asexual soulmate for over 3 years since 2014 on Asexual dating sites www.asexualitic.com and www.ace-book.net , I finally found him in my own Asexualise Dating Facebook group, that is strictly for asexuals only, who want to date and find a committed forever relationship/s without sex ever. So from Monday 1st of October we became in an official asexual relationship. I am really thrilled about this, love without sex definitely exists with us.

So if you are new Asexuality and don’t know what I am talking about, asexuality is a sexual orientation, that is barely unheard of and deeply misunderstood. It means a lack of sexual attraction. Asexuals make up about 1% of the world population, that is 1 in every 100 people you meet are likely to be asexual.

So in broad terms an asexual person is someone who does not get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sex (intercourse). Although some may still have it to please their sexual partner or because they enjoy it as an activity to do, like a board game. I have had sex in the past but would rather not have done. That was before I realised I am a heteroromantic asexual, not a heterosexual. I actually define myself as a Heteroromantic, Hyper-romantic, Grey A, Asexual, Younger Cougar, who does not like sex, just kissing. That means I get attracted romantically to the opposite sex – guys, just not sexually; I am extremely romantic to the extent that would be incomprehensible to some who are not like that, so I can fall in love easily, over a few texts messages or Skype sessions for example – I have been managing that well, so trying to refrain from doing that, but yeah, I love my guy, but we have known each more than that, so it’s fine. And I literally love the romance that Disney movies are made of and making it come to reality! I feel loved up almost 24/7 just with myself!

I have grey areas, so my body gets aroused, but I still have no need, want or urge, for sex, ever.

I am Grey A, which I define as having Grey Areas, because I experience high levels of arousal and can get aroused in my body, by myself, without touching anything or thinking about anyone, or from just thinking about the word aroused, or thinking about kissing, and also by actual kissing. I never go to look at porn, that is personally yuk to me, and if I happen to talk about sex, which happens more as I help a lot of people discover if they are asexual or not, and asexuals often talk more about what they physically can and can’t cope with and like than sexuals do, or I see some sexual images by accident pop up in my Twitter feed for example – and I block them, unfortunately it can set off my arousal, even though I hate sex and sex personally repulses me these days, for me – not for others. People think arousal and sexual attraction are the same thing but they are not, although for sexuals they can be intertwined, as one can instantly lead to the other, for asexuals they are usually separate. Just think, if you touch your genitalia, you are likely to get aroused – think masturbation, but for asexuals, if they do that, it is usually to release arousal feelings with no desire for sex. Some do it for other reasons such as to de-stress or use it as a tool to go to sleep.

I am an asexual cougar means I get attracted to guys who are younger than me and in my case usually foreign, (although my soulmate is British born he still has a foreign looking face from his mum’s side of the family), and I only want a relationship with a younger guy but to be romantic with, kiss, cuddle, hold hands, not have sex with. And in my case I am also nudity repulsed and have no desire to see a guy naked below the waist.

My Asexual guy lives in London in the UK and can relocate, he is also a heteroromantic, hyper-romantic and sex repulsed. He is not into nudity either, but loves passionate kissing like I do and is quite happy to be with someone older in birth certificate age. Although younger, he is older in birth certificate age than I would usually go for, and he is not that much younger, but it doesn’t matter as he is adorable and looks younger in person and has an incredibly amazing personality and I feel so lucky and blessed to have found him, at last!! We both like doing young stuff.  We have quite a lot of other stuff in common and get on really well and he is coming to see me for 5 days next month and I can’t wait. I am super excited about that!

If you want to know more about asexuality, I wrote a book called Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity, and be sure to like www.facebook.com/acexualise And you can find the biggest online community of asexuals at www.asexuality.org

 

If you have a partner, whether they are sexual or asexual, how long did it take to find the partner of your dreams?

Until next time, stay ace

Sandra xx

(UPDATE – Sadly it didn’t work out with this guy and you can read what happened in my next post)

What It’s Really Like To Be An Asexual With Sexual Behaviour But No Sexual Attraction!

Posted on by Asexualise

Asexual With Sexual Behaviour But No Sexual Attraction!

In my Asexual Perspectives book, I say I will not date a heterosexual again as they all need sex in the end. But I did give it a go and dated a heterosexual guy for almost two who months, who said he could live without sex. I am no longer dating him or seeing him as he was no good for me in other ways.

Dating him was a very interesting experience from a personal asexuality point of view. Because it was the first time I had dated a heterosexual guy, whilst consciously being fully aware that I don’t experience sexual attraction, but I do have high arousal levels and exhibit some sexual behaviour in regards to passionate kissing.

I did date a heterosexual guy for a night in July 2014, and I found out I was asexual in March 2014, and at the end of the night he wanted me to be his girlfriend and as I did not like sex, he said it was okay, he would do that with other women – I was fuming mad about that!! I am definitely not a poly person and so this was a complete insult.

Back then I did not totally understand my Asexual identity. I was not so confident about it. And I was certainly never consciously aware that I had high arousal levels, that I had previously mistaken for sexual attraction in my past relationships and dating. At that point, I think I was still toying with the typical Grey A definition of experiencing sexual attraction but not enough to want to act on it. I thought this may be where I am at. But I began to realise it wasn’t, as I never had a thought in head that I want to have sex, with anyone. Not even my long-term ex of 8.5 years – even though we did have sex sometimes, I never actually thought “I want to have sex”.

It was very soon after this date in 2014, that I tried masturbation for the first time. I didn’t like it but I understood why some people do, and that it can become addictive. I also noticed around that same time, when I was in asexual forums and sex was being discussed, that my body would involuntarily get aroused and this really freaked me out, as I don’t like, want, or need sex ever, in my life, again.

Since that time and across my Asexual journey, I have realised that I can still get involuntarily aroused by the mention of the word sex, even though I am personally sex repulsed for me these days. I can get aroused from accidentally seeing some porn style pics on Twitter, when I detest porn and never go to look at that. And also I can get aroused just by thinking about passionate kissing, or just by thinking about the word ‘aroused’, with no one else involved but me. I don’t fantasize. I don’t need anyone to arouse me and I don’t need to touch myself to be aroused, I can just think about it and feel it almost instantly in my body.

So with this awakening, with all of the personal fears and boundaries I have conquered and with how explicitly I am now able to talk about sex, both online and offline, I actually realise that I like to express myself freely, in quite a sexual manner, when serious about a guy and in a relationship with him. The guy I was dating I was very serious about and even though we were not in an official relationship, we had discussed being in one in the future and acted far more serious than just dating. We kept seeing each other more and more. So splitting from dating him was tough, but he was no good for me in the end so I had to.

His past sexual life was not good, he was honest about this and in the beginning of me dating him, he regularly talked about sex in a – it was such an awesome thing to do way. So I said I did not believe if he kissed me that he could live without sex. So he said to try him and for a while of course I did not. But I realised that if I could not do that, there was no chance of me ever being in a relationship with him. So after speaking to one of my best girl friends about my worries and fears, one night I was so brave and decided to go for it. Prior to that he kept saying I was physically stronger than him, as my muscles were bigger than his and he goes to the gym!! I told him that if I did kiss him, then I wanted to be in total control of that, reminded him that whatever happened, I would not want sex, ever. So I ended up always being on top of him, passionately kissing him and doing all the work with my clothes on and he could relax, be aroused and enjoy himself immensely. He was not good at kissing when we started, but I am a good trainer and leader in that respect, so it did not take long to get that to be good.

So when I kissed passionately on top of him, I got highly aroused and made all of the noises like we were having sex, including the heavy breathing, which just happens naturally with me and I cannot help it. In fact my behaviour, with kissing him all over his chest and the way my body moved and was close to his, was sexual in behaviour, yet not once did I think I want sex with him. I kept asking myself would that ever change and that surely with this amount of arousal and sexual behaviour you should feel sexual attraction and want it. But I just didn’t. I just never could feel that way. Even though I loved snogging him and being free to express myself sexually in this way, kissing his chest and kissing and sucking his nipples, and sucking and kissing his earlobes, I concluded that I am 100% asexual and despite having high arousal levels and some sexual behaviour, I never experience sexual attraction. But my fear is that I am seen as too sexual in behaviour for some asexuals and not sexual enough to be in a long-term relationship with a heterosexual. I feel a bit trapped, like I am between a rock and a hard place, if you pardon the expression, with no way out, unless I happen to get a heteroromantic match whose Grey A areas are almost identical to my own. I like to keep my clothes on, so that is not sexual enough for some asexuals who love touching the naked body. Or as some would see it, sensual, but not sexual. Still, at least I am confident that I am not a demi-sexual and I am not a text book Grey A. In my Asexual Perspectives book I redefine Grey A to mean Grey Areas, so I mean a person is asexual, but has some sexual behaviour or things they like to do that are seen as sexual beyond masturbation – which some consider is sexual in behaviour. So when I say I am Grey A, this is what I mean, I don’t experience sexual attraction, but I am sexual in behaviour with passionate kissing, but still very much Asexual.

To find out more about what asexuals really think of Love, Life and Sex, shop for Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories on Amazon!

 

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Feeling Singled Out In The Asexual Community? We Should Celebrate Our Diversity! #APAM

Posted on by Asexualise

Did you miss this?? #APAM Video One in my Asexual Perspectives Awareness Month series – A new video out every day for 31 days!!

Don’t miss any more, SUBSCRIBE http://www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallife 

Asexual Perspectives – Feeling Singled Out in the Asexual Community? We Should Celebrate Our Diversity!! #APAM When I was told by a member of Aven that I could not identify as a Heteroromantic Grey A, because I did not fit the ‘Grey A’ definition, I felt singled out. I had others private message me, that they were also told they could not identify themselves as they liked too. And that is what prompted me to write my Asexual Perspectives book, I thought we should be celebrating our diversity across the spectrum, not tearing each other apart. So in order to understand the huge spectrum of asexuals and the nature of asexuality more, and to bust through myths and stereotypes about asexuality, I thought we really need a book with a diverse range of asexuals all across the spectrum, to gain better understanding of the spectrum as a whole and celebrate our diversity!

SHOP FOR MY ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES BOOK HERE http://amzn.to/2l8kppt

Sign up for FREE to my Asexualise Your Asexual Life – What’s happening? Free Bi-monthly newsletter. By clicking this link – http://eepurl.com/bC7su5.

Find Asexualise T Shirts on Amazon.com at http://amzn.to/1TZKvVM

Find Asexualise T Shirts, hoodies, leggings, skirts, duvet covers, phone and laptop cases, mugs, stickers, art and bags, at http://www.redbubble.com/people/asexualise..

FIND ME ON FACEBOOK
http://www.facebook.com/acexualise or http://www.facebook.com/acexualisedating
http://www.facebook.com/groups/acefriendsrus
FIND ME ON TWITTER – http://www.twitter.com/asexualise

PLEASE SUBSCRIBE http://www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallife 

Official channel Asexualise Your Asexual Life: Empower And Enhance Your Asexual Life. Giving Asexuals a voice in the world. It is my mission to give asexuals a voice in the world; to empower other asexuals to be comfortable and confident with their asexuality; and to give insight into my colourful asexual life, to enable others to better understand their own and to know they are not alone. I want to educate others about asexuality, so that in the future, all asexuals can live in society happily.

I am Sandra Bellamy. I identify as a Heteroromantic, Grey A, Asexual (younger) Cougar, who personally does not like sex, marriage or kids. I run the Asexual Business, Gurus and Entrepreneurs group and Facebook, that is an open group exclusively for asexuals – putting business and asexuality firmly on the map together. I have a strong business side to my nature and a quirky teenager/ kid side.

ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES PAPERBACK UNBOXING VIDEO FROM A FAN #APAM

Posted on by Asexualise
Asexual Perspectives Book

ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES PAPERBACK UNBOXING VIDEO FROM A FAN #APAM

In the video, is probably my biggest YouTube fan, and he is unboxing a copy of my Asexual Perspectives book, watch this video as he comes alive with the joy of receiving it!

Finally, the print paperback version of my 560 page Asexual Perspectives book is now available to buy on Amazon here http://amzn.to/2u1wp0O. Or UK site http://amzn.to/2tw739A

The Kindle version of my Asexual Perspectives book, you can get here http://amzn.to/2szjNJQ Or UK site is http://amzn.to/2u6vps7. Please leave a review on Amazon to help other asexuals and to raise more awareness of asexuality.

To celebrate this book going into print, our diversity across the spectrum, and our individuality within it, I founded Asexual Perspectives Awareness Month, 1st-31st of July 2017, #APAM. Like www.facebook.com/acexualise to join in the celebration fun and subscribe on www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallife to see a different video every day, for 31 days of #APAM, related to a topic from the book that matters to you and join in the conversation!!

ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES Book Proof Arrives! #APAM

Posted on by Asexualise

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Asexual Perspectives book

It took me a year to interview for Asexual Perspectives book and write it, in the Kindle version, and a further 6 months to get it into print. I was super excited to receive my proof copies of Asexual Perspectives book this week!!

In time for #APAM, ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES AWARENESS MONTH which started on 1st July and goes on until 31st of July. Don’t forget for this special month there will be a new video every day for 31 days. Subscribe to Asexualise My Asexual Life at www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallife and like www.facebook.com/acexualise  to join in the fun.

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