Why Do Some Asexuals Have Sex?

Posted on by Asexualise

So why do some asexuals have sex? There are a variety of reasons why some asexuals may have sex. Some asexuals may have sex to please their partner or they may have sex because they like it as an activity to do, like a board game! Some asexuals may have had sex in the past but not any more, and some asexuals have never had sex and never will!

Asexuality is not defined by whether you have had sex or not, it is defined by whether you experience sexual attraction or not, so whether you get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sexual intercourse or not! I have had sex in the past, but would rather I did not. I thought I had to have sex as part of a relationship, despite never thinking I want to have sex with any guy, including past loves. When I found out I am asexual in 2014 and I discovered others who were too, it felt amazing, that for the first time in my life, I had hope that I could find asexual love, without sex! I have never associated sex with love and never will!

If you have any questions, please post them in the comments below!

Until next time, stay Ace.

Sandra xx

 

Asexual Masturbation, Solo Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Reciprocated Masturbation, Unreciprocated Masturbation

Posted on by Asexualise

One of the questions I get asked quite a lot in PM, is “can I still be asexual if I masturbate?” The answer is yes. Some asexuals take part in solo masturbation, some mutually masturbate each other when in a relationship, and some want to masturbate their partner but not have it reciprocated, whilst others don’t want to masturbate their partner, but like to receive that! Of course there are asexuals who don’t like any form of masturbation! We are all different and that is ace!

Watch the video to discover more about Asexual Masturbation, Solo Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Reciprocated Masturbation, and Unreciprocated Masturbation.

Until next time, stay ace, Sandra xx

 

International Celebrate Being Single Day – Pre-Celebration Why It’s Good To Be Single Quotes!

Posted on by Asexualise
being single quotes

Why It’s Good To Be Single Quotes!

Here are some quotes I put together about why it’s good to be single! I particular like the last one “I’m single because I was born that way”. I think there is a lot of societal pressure to be in a couple when it simply is not necessary to live a happy and fulfilling life, in fact, so far, my happiest times are when I am enjoying being single with no one to worry about but myself!

It’s not long to go now, I am feeling uber excited to celebrate International Celebrate Being Single Day, #ICBSD, on Feb 14th. I founded International Celebrate Being Single Day in 2015, so that no single person has to ever feel alone on Valentine’s Day, instead they can CELEBRATE it as their special day too by self-dating, or meeting up with friends. Every year since 2015 I have had a self-date on that day and I love being single and celebrating my special day.

So what plans have you got for that day?

Whatever you decide to do, always stay ace

Sandra xx

 

 

How Are You Going To Celebrating International Celebrate Being Single Day? #ICBSD (How To Self-Love At Home!)

Posted on by Asexualise

Not long to go, I am feeling super excited to celebrate International Celebrate Being Single Day, #ICBSD, on Feb 14th. (Not to be confused with ‘Singles Day – which I believe was originally set up as a more cynical view of Valentine’s Day and being single – Whereas the day I founded is to ‘celebrate’ being single – which is key).** I founded International Celebrate Being Single Day in 2015 so that no single person has to ever feel alone on Valentine’s Day – Instead they can CELEBRATE it as their special day too – By self-dating, or meeting up with friends. Every year since 2015 I have had a self-date on that day and I love it – makes me feel great.

How are you going to be celebrating?

If you are going to be staying at home, here are ways you can self-love at home, the asexual way!

What is it Like to Date an Asexual if you are Sexual?

Posted on by Asexualise
can sexuals date asexuals

So most people believe that if you are asexual and won’t have sex with a sexual partner, you should not be with one. I know from my own experience that I cannot date sexuals anymore, because it has not worked numerous times before and it would just would not work out. I even tried it last year as my own Asexual Perspectives book gave me hope that it was possible because a biromantic person is in a relationship with a sexual and they said sex was never an issue! Lucky them. It didn’t work out for me although for reasons other than a lack of sex, but I don’t need that kind of worry and anxiety anymore of what if he were to go get that with someone else, or of if he changed his mind, or if he tried something on – I know he was keen for me to masturbate him and I just wasn’t into that!

I did manage to find these two fabulous videos though, of sexuals who are dating asexuals and don’t seem to mind having a relationship without sex.

Watch these videos to find out what is it like to date an asexual if you are sexual?

What Is The Story Behind The Ace Cake Asexual Joke?

Posted on by Asexualise

Are you feeling Asexy?

I recently saw a video that gave a different definition of asexy to my own. I define asexy as something that would usually be seen as sexy, but minus the sexual attraction – so if I was attracted to the guy, I might find him hot looking aesthetically or he might have a magnetic charm, but unlike sexuals, as an asexual, I would not want sex with him because I would not get the urge for that.

While I was searching the internet for how others define asexy, I came across a ‘playboy’ article in which David Jay – founder of www.asexuality.org answered the story behind why asexuals joke about cake. He was interviewed by Debra W. Soh, who is a sex writer and sexual neuroscientist at York University in Toronto. She has written for Harper’s, The Wall Street Journal, Scientific American, The Los Angeles Times, The Globe and Mail and many others. Follow her on Twitter: @debra_soh.

Story Behind The Ace Cake Asexual Joke Revealed

Here is her question and his answer:

“Can you explain the story behind how a slice of cake became a symbol of asexuality and what it means to the Ace community?”

“The moment when new people show up to the community has always been a little sacred for us; it’s when people realize that they’re not alone. Cake started as a symbol of welcome: Someone would join the community and post their story, and people would come in and post a little image of cake. Since then, it’s expanded, and has become a little like the rainbow, though these days the Ace flag gets used much more.”

And here is a link to the full article https://www.playboy.com/articles/david-jay-asexy It is on the playboy site – a magazine aimed at sexuals.

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10 Awesome Benefits To NOT Having Sex!

Posted on by Asexualise

Here are 10 Awesome Benefits To NOT Having Sex!

1) You don’t have to worry about getting a STD.

2) No risk of getting pregnant or of getting someone pregnant.

3) No pressure or expectation to perform.

4) You will be loved for who you are, not for how many orgasms you can attempt to give or have.

5) Less mess and changing of bed sheets!

6) Relationship compatibility is increased because there is more focus on shared mutual interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes – rather than sexual attraction being the primary reason for the relationship to start and continue.

7) Less divorce rates due to impotency or lack of sex, if you are not having it anyway.

8) You have more time to focus on other things.

9) You don’t have to feel guilty if you are too tired to have sex or not in the mood.

10) There is more chance of getting to the root of relationship problems, and either sorting them out or cutting your losses sooner – rather than using sex as a kiss and make-up mask over the problem – leading to more frustration, hurt and pain, later on!

Asexual Author: Asexuality And My Personal Asexual Story On Straight Up Gay Podcast!

Posted on by Asexualise

My Personal Asexual Story On Straight Up Gay Podcast

Listen to my interview about Asexuality and my personal Asexual story on the Straight Up Gay Podcast – and no, I am not gay, I am a heteroromatic asexual – attracted to guys (hetero), I don’t want sex, love kissing and romance, but asexuality is tagged onto the LGBT+ QIA Acronym. Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender, Queer or Questioning, Intersex, Asexual. Although Asexuality is about who you are not sexually attracted to – no one, whereas the other identities are based on who you are sexually attracted to. Which is why I find it a bit strange we are part of the same community, as we have different thinking. I understand that we are all in the minority, but our orientations are based around different types of attraction. What do you think about this?

Here is the link to iTunes
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-straight-up-gay-podcast/id1191090742?mt=2&i=1000391267315

If you haven’t grabbed yourself a copy of my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories book on Amazon, it is an insightful read, so be sure to check it out and shop now!! http://amzn.to/2gKnsDs

In broad terms Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, but what does this actually mean for those who identify with this sexual orientation? And what do asexuals really think of love, life and sex?

Whilst all asexuals have one thing in common – the lack of sexual attraction towards a specific person, we are all different in our likes, needs, wants and dislikes. This can make fitting into the asexual spectrum and finding a suitable relationship difficult.

Right now, there are a number of myths about asexuality and stereotypes – even within the asexual community, about what asexuals do and do not like, should and should not do, and these need to be addressed and broken through!

If you identify as asexual do you –

Struggle to have a voice in this sexualized world?
Feel alone?
Misunderstood?
Misplaced?
Broken?
Left out?
Not recognised?
Have no one to relate to?
Find it difficult to find others like you?
Feel like everyone is speaking a foreign language where sex is concerned?

Or are you unsure of your identity and sometimes get confused and you want to know what asexuals really think of Love, Life and Sex, and what experiences they have had or are having; and how they manage their relationships? If so, then look no further than this book. In this book you will discover asexuals who feel just like you.

In this book I will reveal my own asexual perspective and personal story as well as perspectives from 46 asexuals around the globe; dispelling myths and breaking stereotypes; sharing their own personal journey to help you in yours and with a surprising over-riding message!

In this book you will:

•Learn the asexual perspectives of Aromantics; Heteroromantics; Homoromantics; Panromantics; Grey Aces; Demi-sexual; Biromantic; Agender; Transgender; Polyamorous and many more.

•Uncover Asexuals’ deepest fears, concerns and worries about being asexual.

•Find out possible reasons why, in general, society does not accept asexuality as a sexual orientation in its own right and what we can do about this to change the world!

•Discover what asexuals really believe are the differences between sexual attraction, sexual desire and arousal.

•Find out what asexuals really think of nudity; porn; masturbation; BDSM and kinks.

•Discover what it feels like to have sex as an asexual and how to cope with the sexualized world that we live in.

•Find out what asexuals think about living together, about marriage and about having kids.

•Discover what an ideal asexual relationship would look like and whether asexuals believe a relationship with a sexual would be fair or not.

•Uncover the positives about being asexual.

•Find out what advice asexuals would give to a younger version of themselves regarding asexuality and what advice they would give to others who are just discovering they may be asexual.

I feel truly blessed that all interviewees have been willing to open up and share their most intimate moments, thoughts, feelings and emotions with you. What you are about to read is unique, amazing, interesting, sometimes candidly humorous, fascinating and insightful. This is their story, now it’s their time to tell it.

Heteroromantic, Author Sandra Bellamy is the founder of www.asexualise.com, with products, resources and services for asexuals. She sees herself as an ambassador for asexuality and is on a mission to get asexuality recognised as a sexual orientation in its own right throughout the globe so that no asexual has to live in fear of ridicule ever again. By purchasing this book you will gain a deeper understanding of this often misunderstood sexual orientation and help to spread awareness of asexuality at the same time. We may be small in numbers, but we can still make a huge difference to the world at large and celebrate our diversity.

LOOKING FOR ASEXUAL MERCHANDISE? CLICK HERE TO BE TAKEN TO MY SHOP

Asexual Perspectives
Asexual Perspectives: 47 Asexual Stories: Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity.

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What It’s Really Like To Be An Asexual With Sexual Behaviour But No Sexual Attraction!

Posted on by Asexualise

Asexual With Sexual Behaviour But No Sexual Attraction!

In my Asexual Perspectives book, I say I will not date a heterosexual again as they all need sex in the end. But I did give it a go and dated a heterosexual guy for almost two who months, who said he could live without sex. I am no longer dating him or seeing him as he was no good for me in other ways.

Dating him was a very interesting experience from a personal asexuality point of view. Because it was the first time I had dated a heterosexual guy, whilst consciously being fully aware that I don’t experience sexual attraction, but I do have high arousal levels and exhibit some sexual behaviour in regards to passionate kissing.

I did date a heterosexual guy for a night in July 2014, and I found out I was asexual in March 2014, and at the end of the night he wanted me to be his girlfriend and as I did not like sex, he said it was okay, he would do that with other women – I was fuming mad about that!! I am definitely not a poly person and so this was a complete insult.

Back then I did not totally understand my Asexual identity. I was not so confident about it. And I was certainly never consciously aware that I had high arousal levels, that I had previously mistaken for sexual attraction in my past relationships and dating. At that point, I think I was still toying with the typical Grey A definition of experiencing sexual attraction but not enough to want to act on it. I thought this may be where I am at. But I began to realise it wasn’t, as I never had a thought in head that I want to have sex, with anyone. Not even my long-term ex of 8.5 years – even though we did have sex sometimes, I never actually thought “I want to have sex”.

It was very soon after this date in 2014, that I tried masturbation for the first time. I didn’t like it but I understood why some people do, and that it can become addictive. I also noticed around that same time, when I was in asexual forums and sex was being discussed, that my body would involuntarily get aroused and this really freaked me out, as I don’t like, want, or need sex ever, in my life, again.

Since that time and across my Asexual journey, I have realised that I can still get involuntarily aroused by the mention of the word sex, even though I am personally sex repulsed for me these days. I can get aroused from accidentally seeing some porn style pics on Twitter, when I detest porn and never go to look at that. And also I can get aroused just by thinking about passionate kissing, or just by thinking about the word ‘aroused’, with no one else involved but me. I don’t fantasize. I don’t need anyone to arouse me and I don’t need to touch myself to be aroused, I can just think about it and feel it almost instantly in my body.

So with this awakening, with all of the personal fears and boundaries I have conquered and with how explicitly I am now able to talk about sex, both online and offline, I actually realise that I like to express myself freely, in quite a sexual manner, when serious about a guy and in a relationship with him. The guy I was dating I was very serious about and even though we were not in an official relationship, we had discussed being in one in the future and acted far more serious than just dating. We kept seeing each other more and more. So splitting from dating him was tough, but he was no good for me in the end so I had to.

His past sexual life was not good, he was honest about this and in the beginning of me dating him, he regularly talked about sex in a – it was such an awesome thing to do way. So I said I did not believe if he kissed me that he could live without sex. So he said to try him and for a while of course I did not. But I realised that if I could not do that, there was no chance of me ever being in a relationship with him. So after speaking to one of my best girl friends about my worries and fears, one night I was so brave and decided to go for it. Prior to that he kept saying I was physically stronger than him, as my muscles were bigger than his and he goes to the gym!! I told him that if I did kiss him, then I wanted to be in total control of that, reminded him that whatever happened, I would not want sex, ever. So I ended up always being on top of him, passionately kissing him and doing all the work with my clothes on and he could relax, be aroused and enjoy himself immensely. He was not good at kissing when we started, but I am a good trainer and leader in that respect, so it did not take long to get that to be good.

So when I kissed passionately on top of him, I got highly aroused and made all of the noises like we were having sex, including the heavy breathing, which just happens naturally with me and I cannot help it. In fact my behaviour, with kissing him all over his chest and the way my body moved and was close to his, was sexual in behaviour, yet not once did I think I want sex with him. I kept asking myself would that ever change and that surely with this amount of arousal and sexual behaviour you should feel sexual attraction and want it. But I just didn’t. I just never could feel that way. Even though I loved snogging him and being free to express myself sexually in this way, kissing his chest and kissing and sucking his nipples, and sucking and kissing his earlobes, I concluded that I am 100% asexual and despite having high arousal levels and some sexual behaviour, I never experience sexual attraction. But my fear is that I am seen as too sexual in behaviour for some asexuals and not sexual enough to be in a long-term relationship with a heterosexual. I feel a bit trapped, like I am between a rock and a hard place, if you pardon the expression, with no way out, unless I happen to get a heteroromantic match whose Grey A areas are almost identical to my own. I like to keep my clothes on, so that is not sexual enough for some asexuals who love touching the naked body. Or as some would see it, sensual, but not sexual. Still, at least I am confident that I am not a demi-sexual and I am not a text book Grey A. In my Asexual Perspectives book I redefine Grey A to mean Grey Areas, so I mean a person is asexual, but has some sexual behaviour or things they like to do that are seen as sexual beyond masturbation – which some consider is sexual in behaviour. So when I say I am Grey A, this is what I mean, I don’t experience sexual attraction, but I am sexual in behaviour with passionate kissing, but still very much Asexual.

To find out more about what asexuals really think of Love, Life and Sex, shop for Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories on Amazon!

 

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Asexual Perspectives Awareness Month Playlist #APAM

Posted on by Asexualise

In case you missed any of my Asexual Perspectives Awareness Month videos in July – here is the playlist for the whole 31 videos in the series. You will not be disappointed, they are really insightful and helpful in understanding how others feel about asexuality and being able to relate your own experiences to them.

And it all started because I felt singled out in the asexual community, but now I feel very much central to asexuality and to my mission of getting asexuality recognised as a sexual orientation throughout the globe, so that no asexual has to live in fear of ridicule ever again.

Until next time, stay ace

Sandra xx