So I wanted to share some talks in the coming posts that others have done about asexuality. This one is a TedX Talk and I really enjoyed it! What do you think? In this Asexuality TedX talk Chantal Kelly tells her story of self-exploration.
Until next time, stay ace
Sandra xx
What is a Cupioromantic? You may come across this term on asexual dating sites and in asexual groups and forums. But what does it mean to be a Cupioromantic? A Cupioromantic is someone who is aromantic and although lacking in romantic attraction, still desires a romantic relationship! But in practise what does this mean! And can aromantics really be romantic, if they lack romantic attraction? Watch this video to find out more!
In case you didn’t know, there are both Asexual aromantics – those who lack sexual attraction and romantic attraction and sexual aromantics – those who lack romantic attraction but who are still sexual and experience sexual attraction.
What is the difference between Grey-Romantic and Demi-Romantic? Is a question that seems to come up regularly in asexual groups and asexual forums. So I decided to create a video about it and I hope it helps you. If you have any questions about Grey-Romantic and Demi-Romantic, please leave it in the comments below! Thanks for watching.
Until next time, stay ace!
Sandra xx
P.S. I found this neat Demiromantic flag merchandise on Amazon! https://amzn.to/2lEzPjv
Did you know asexual guys can be womanisers too?
Is this video I explain how to spot an asexual womaniser – the asexual guys who go around chatting up multiple women; who date multiple women and make them feel like they are the ‘one’ for them; and who may be in a relationship and trying to get into another one, despite saying they are monogamous. There are no doubt manisers too, as I am heteroromantic, I am speaking from own personal experience.
I hope you find this helpful?
Until next time, stay ace!
Sandra xx
I have noticed that a lot of asexuals feel alone and are lonely. I do understand this, especially as I am an extrovert asexual and like to get out and about and be around people about every 3 days.
I don’t usually feel lonely these days, but it can be isolating if I have not got out of my flat in a while! I like going out with friends and I am a social creature by nature, but I also have some introvert tendencies, in the sense that I enjoy my own company, like to switch off from the outside world now and then to explore and progress my creative pursuits and passions, and I also do a lot of solo work at home, building websites, writing blog posts, etc! Having said that, in-between doing my work, sometimes I will send an email reply to someone or reach out to someone via email, and I will often watch videos about my passions, which means I am still connected to people outside my home!
There are some huge benefits to being alone – I like to call it “being on my own and enjoying my own company”. The video above, has 10 reasons why it is good to be alone! Please watch it and let me know if you agree?
Until next time, stay ACE.
Sandra xx
So why do some asexuals have sex? There are a variety of reasons why some asexuals may have sex. Some asexuals may have sex to please their partner or they may have sex because they like it as an activity to do, like a board game! Some asexuals may have had sex in the past but not any more, and some asexuals have never had sex and never will!
Asexuality is not defined by whether you have had sex or not, it is defined by whether you experience sexual attraction or not, so whether you get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sexual intercourse or not! I have had sex in the past, but would rather I did not. I thought I had to have sex as part of a relationship, despite never thinking I want to have sex with any guy, including past loves. When I found out I am asexual in 2014 and I discovered others who were too, it felt amazing, that for the first time in my life, I had hope that I could find asexual love, without sex! I have never associated sex with love and never will!
If you have any questions, please post them in the comments below!
Until next time, stay Ace.
Sandra xx
1) You don’t have to worry about getting a STD.
2) No risk of getting pregnant or of getting someone pregnant.
3) No pressure or expectation to perform.
4) You will be loved for who you are, not for how many orgasms you can attempt to give or have.
5) Less mess and changing of bed sheets!
6) Relationship compatibility is increased because there is more focus on shared mutual interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes – rather than sexual attraction being the primary reason for the relationship to start and continue.
7) Less divorce rates due to impotency or lack of sex, if you are not having it anyway.
8) You have more time to focus on other things.
9) You don’t have to feel guilty if you are too tired to have sex or not in the mood.
10) There is more chance of getting to the root of relationship problems, and either sorting them out or cutting your losses sooner – rather than using sex as a kiss and make-up mask over the problem – leading to more frustration, hurt and pain, later on!
Before I go any further with this ‘how to come out as asexual’ post, let me tell you that you owe it to yourself and to be fair to others if you are in a relationship, to say that you are not into sex, but you do not have to say right away that you are asexual. You can just say things like I am not into sex. I just don’t like sex. I have never liked sex. I don’t associate sex with love. These explain how you feel, rather than use the term asexual which others may try to object to. No one can object to how you feel, because those feelings are yours and you own them, and no one has the right to take those away from you.
However, if you do want to come out as asexual, someone asked me how to come out as asexual to their boyfriend and others, here was my advice! Hope it helps!
Honesty is way better in the long-term for you to live your life as your authentic self, however, it is best you prepare for objections in advance and know not everyone may like what you have to say but to remain strong and adamant that you are asexual and be confident with it. Confidence is key.
Firstly, I would confide in a friend/s or family member/s who you believe would most likely take it well because they are open-minded – I would do this first so you can see their reaction and also hopefully they will understand your situation and you can get them on side so it gives that initial confidence boost! It is not guaranteed to work – but it helps if you have people who either back you up or just don’t mind about it. If you cannot get any support there and you need a confidence boost before telling others about it, go in Asexual Facebook groups or asexual online forums, so you can at least feel less alone and supported and have an outlet should things not go as planned or people continue to be negative – however, be sure to go with the mindset that there is nothing wrong in being asexual, that there are thousands of people on the planet who are – a recorded 1%, that is 1 in every 100 people you are likely to be asexual – that is a good fact to tell people too, to help them understand it is actually more common than they think! Then tell others in order of importance and urgency.
I came out to my parents first, I just told them in a confident and matter of fact way, that I think I am asexual and explained what it was, and by the second conversation they said it sounds like me, and are far more understanding now then they have ever been, about me, my personality, and my life! But the first friend I told was not good about it and said I just hadn’t met the right person yet. – So you can prepare to answer that question with something like, ‘yes, you are right, I just haven’t met the right asexual person yet!’ The reason this friend was adamant about me not being asexual, was in her opinion, I was always talking about guys and I explained that is because I liked them aesthetically and romantically. But not only that, I was under-confident about my asexuality back then and wishy-washy with it, and not strong and speaking with conviction, if I had been adamant, and confident, it would have helped tremendously, so remember to be the most confident you can possibly be!
In terms of your boyfriend – meet up with him in private and sit him down and explain to him about asexuality and what it is and how that impacts you and makes you feel. Explain how important he is to you and how much you love him and trust him and that you feel so comfortable with him that you wanted to tell him how you feel, that you would have liked to have shared this with him before, but did not know how to go about it and now feel more confident in saying. (It’s important to use feeling words and put the emphasis or you being responsible for your asexuality). Allow him time to ask questions, think, and come to terms with it. You can say, I realise this may be new to you but I want us to grow stronger and closer together through sharing this with you. Then take it from there. I hope that helps. I am also at http://www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife.
Also, asexuality.org has some great info.
Was this helpful? Let me know what you think in the comments below!
Asexual Self-Love: How To Self-Love At Home The Asexual Way. It’s so important when single especially, to self-love at home. Sometimes spending a lot of time on your own at home can be fabulous, but for some others, it can feel lonely and isolating, this is why it is important to develop a self-love attitude! In this video I reveal ways you can self-love at home!
Self-love should be a daily practise! And self-dating should be a must. But what are some things you can do to self-love at home?
Here are some key points from the video!
Want the items in this video? Just click the links below and make sure with the Blu-rays/DVDS that you are buying them from your Amazon so they work in your country and select the format you want, whether it is Blu-ray, DVD, or other! If your Amazon is not either of those, then click through the links below and there should be a message with a link in the top right of your screen to take you through to your Amazon. And don’t forget to subscribe to my channel, especially as I now do some Live Streams so you can join in the conversation with me!!
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