Discovering Asexuality

In 2014, I made a life-changing discovery… I went from thinking I was heterosexual all my life, to finding out I am in fact part of a minority sexual orientation called asexuality. In fact, I’m heteroromantic asexual. Romantically attracted to the opposite gender – guys – but not sexually attracted to anyone.💜

I’m an asexual who has had sex in the past, because I thought I had to as part of a “normal” relationship, but I remember when my last long-term ex used to try to instigate sex with me while I was doing the washing up and listening to music, that even though I hate washing up, I wanted to stay doing that as I preferred doing that to having sex. Not because he was bad at sex, he wasn’t, but because I would rather just have had some kissing, and at that time in my life I liked some touching too, but in regard to sex, I would just rather not have bothered as the pleasure was in kissing for me, rather than sex and I could have easily done without it and frequently did.

One of the reasons I stayed with that guy for so many years, 8.5 years in total – 1.5 years, then we split for 6 months and got back together for 7 years, which ended in 2011, was even though he was abusive in every other way but sexually, I thought I would never be able to get another guy who would be able to go long periods without sex. I thought I was the only one who felt the way I did about sex. But when a counsellor told me she was worried about me, because “You’ll have to have sex in order to keep a good guy”, I was absolutely horrified and went home and Googled, “I love kissing but not sex” and it came up with asexuality and asexuality.org which is the biggest online forum for asexuals, and I discovered there were others like me, who wanted a romantic relationship without sex. In that moment, I felt elated and overjoyed, that finally, I’d found out there are thousands of people around the globe just like me, and I felt so incredibly relieved. For years I was thinking that I am the only one in the world, planet and universe, who feels this way, and to find out I’m not, felt incredible.💜

The Catalyst

That was the catalyst for being on a very personal asexual journey of discovery, allowing me to uncover truths about myself – now that societal conditioning had been removed from what I thought I had to do in a relationship (have sex), to now knowing I don’t have to do that just because society dictates it. There are other people like me, thousands around the globe, that want a loving, caring, romantic and committed relationship without sex.

A Minority Within A Minority

As I’ve discovered I’m personally a hyper-romantic and a hyper-kisser, I’m a minority within a minority, as not many asexuals like much kissing, and there tends to be more non-romantic that romantic asexuals. Also, as there are more female asexuals than guy asexuals and I’m only attracted to guys, it makes finding an asexual guy partner harder.

I don’t know of anyone else that identifies as a hyper-kisser of any sexual orientation and most asexuals I know of don’t like much kissing, some just like a peck on the cheek or lips, and some others don’t like any kissing, just cuddling, whereas as a hyper-kisser, I can kiss for hours nearly non-stop and not get bored. I say nearly non-stop because I still have to have toilet breaks and might want to eat a snack for energy. So I am not representative of all asexuals, and I certainly don’t fit into the usual asexual box where kissing or romance is concerned. But I do know that kissing is my physical intimacy and something I personally could not be without in a romantic relationship. The problem with that is, for many sexual guys, kissing is a prequel to sex, whereas as an asexual person, it’s just a prequel to more kissing for me and I haven’t found a suitable asexual guy for me either. I do love being single though, thank God!

This is what it feels like to be a Hyperkisser Asexual:

Arousal Vs Sexual Attraction

Years ago, when I was in a long-term relationship with the heterosexual guy, I mistook my high levels of arousal for sexual attraction, not realising they are 2 different things – which I discovered they are while being free to explore my asexuality and where I fall on the asexual spectrum.

Some asexuals are pure asexuals and they experience zero sexual attraction – that’s me! 💜

I have zero sexual attraction, but high arousal levels – I never look at a guy and think I want or need sex with him ever, however much I am kissing him – I get aroused by kissing or the thought of kissing with no one involved, because kissing feels like an exciting sensation and thought for me, but that does not make me want to have sexual intercourse, 2011 was the very last time, with the aforementioned long-term ex. It feels so good to have been sex free for over 15 years now. 💜

For some people this post will be TMI, for others it will be just what they needed, to know they are not alone – I hope that’s you 💜

These days, I am a sex repulsed asexual personally for me. I am okay if others like, want and need sex, and it’s all consensual and everyone is enjoying themselves, but I am personally not interested in it and can’t do that these days. Kissing is an asexual turn on for me, sex is an asexual turn off for me.

Every asexual is different. So always ask the asexual person, what asexuality means to them and how that works in a relationship if you are thinking of dating someone who is asexual, whether you are asexual yourself or another sexual orientation, as no two asexuals are the same.

There are also grey asexuals – which usually mean those that have sexual attraction but it’s not enough to want to act on it, or those who only experience sexual attraction under limited, rare, or specific circumstances, such as a demisexual, who can only experience sexual attraction when a deep emotional bond has been formed, usually maintained and sustained too and reciprocated. 💜

There is a recorded 1% of the population that is asexual – this means 1 in 100 people you meet are likely to be asexual – that could be a mum, dad, brother, sister, friend, colleague or other, and you might not know it – not everyone is loud and proud to be asexual like I am. 💜

I also discovered I have multiple other attractions for guys besides romantic, such as aesthetic attraction, intelligence attraction, clothes attraction, sensual attraction with the guys upper body, not every guy, just some.💜

I have up to a total of 8 different asexual attractions 😲 Although these attractions are what non-asexuals can have too, just most people clump attractions all into one bucket, when really they can all be separate. When you come to understand these, it can deepen your understanding of yourself and how you truly feel about multiple people life.

Here’s a playlist from my channel where you can explore these 8 attractions 👉🏿 https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6sdIToxIi4fiTsNqra4IXJeXdqbPGK-W&si=dSXvy3rJbV8zAtGP you might learn something new about yourself in the process.

To raise more awareness of asexuality and to give more in-depth understanding of what is asexuality? I did 2 live streams on my Asexualise My Asexual Life channel during Asexual Awareness Week (Ace Week) last month, the last one titled 👉🏿

Understanding Asexuality A Different Kind Of Sexuality Asexual Awareness Week ACE WEEK 2026 💜

👉🏿 Here it is if you want to check it out https://www.youtube.com/live/f22PlpR2an8?si=Gv2IAuKsKafp-jtl ✅

If you missed my previous live stream – What Is Asexuality ? Asexuality Q&A Asexual Awareness Week 2026 💜

👉🏿You can watch that video here https://www.youtube.com/live/CALlhXKN2H8?si=1q0H_r095G1UuKGR ✅

Last month was also my 11 year channel Anniversary of Asexualise My Asexual Life – so it was a double celebration month for me.

I help asexuals with love, life, confidence, dating, relationships, self-love and self-care. Giving you the support, advice and guidance you need, to truly ACE YOUR LIFE.

Subscribe to my channel for – Asexual Education 💜 Asexual Information 💜 Asexual Entertainment 💜 Asexual vlogs 💜 Asexual live chat show. here https://www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife – join in the live streams and get your questions answered live. Hit the bell icon so you never miss an episode.

So far I’ve published 2 books for asexuals:

1 – Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories , Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity here – https://amzn.to/38QXbew

2 – Diary Confessions Of A Hyper-Romantic Asexual – 78 Life Lessons To ACE Your Life here https://amzn.to/3wbfOcl

For Asexual clothing, accessories and other merchandise go to my shop https://asexualise.redbubble.com

I’m also known as ACE Fibro Girl

Get Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook here https://amzn.to/3ErYP4Y

(This is my autobiographical Super-hero style book, to reduce pain, have more energy, be happier – even if you don’t have fibro you can still benefit from this book. Especially if you have anxiety or depression.)