12 Reasons Why It’s Good To Be Single – 12 Benefits of Being Single – Single Quotes

Posted on by Asexualise

  • Many asexuals – especially those who are an aromantic asexual, so they lack both romantic and sexual attraction – don’t desire a relationship and prefer to be single.
  • Other asexuals are happy being single but hope to find a partner for a relationship without sex.
  • Some asexuals are happy to be single or in a relationship.
  • And some asexuals don’t like being single at all.

Whichever you resonate with the most, I want you to know, there is no shame in being single and staying single. Much of society is geared towards you finding a partner, getting married, having kids, and living happily ever after – and that’s why there are so many divorces, separations and split ups! It’s better to be single and happy to be single, than be with the wrong person.

So the photos above are a reminded of the 12 reasons why it’s good to be single. There are many more, especially if you don’t want marriage or kids.

In case you scrolled down this post super fast and missed all of those 12 reasons why it’s good to be single, here they are again.

  1. Being single means the outlook’s bright.
  2. Being single means you have your own adventures in life.
  3. Being single means you create your own joy in your life.
  4. Being single means you can be in your own world.
  5. Being single means you can prevent tears.
  6. Being single is self-love in action.
  7. Being single means you can shower yourself with love.
  8. Being single is freeing.
  9. When you’re single you hold your own life in your hands.
  10. Being single means even the sky can’t stop you.
  11. Being single means you can make yourself smile.
  12. Being single means you create your own sunshine in your life.

This list of 12 benefits of being single, is not exhaustive. Why do you like most about being single? Comment below, or hit me up in the chat bubble and tell me!

Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook Inclusive Of Asexuality On Barnes & Noble

Posted on by Asexualise

Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook is available to buy on Barnes & Noble.  You can get this book here https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/fibromyalgia-self-help-handbook-sandra-bellamy/1134050777?ean=9780995599369

So why is a book about Fibromyalgia relevant to asexuals?

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2012, and I discovered I am asexual in 2014. I joined some fibro groups on Facebook, which is mostly made up of women, and discovered that many women with fibromyalgia have pain that either prevents them from having sex, or it makes sex very painful for them. With this is mind, the harsh truth is many women’s partners/husbands leave them because they can’t live without sex. It’s sad, but it really happens, after a lot of years of marriage in some cases. It’s horrid, but the truth. In fact only yesterday, in one fibro group I am in, one woman who has been married for years to her husband who is 56 years old, was explaining how she had to go away for bit with her daughter who was relocating and she needed to help her. Her husband agreed she should go and then he cheated with his 24 year old neighbour, whom she and their daughter knows. She said she can’t compete with someone like that. I said he is not worth competing for.

These woman likely don’t know that there are people in the world that can live, love, and be happy, in relationships without sex. So in my Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook, I introduce asexuality to those people, in Chapter 19, and explain there are people who identify as asexual in sexual orientation and this means:

“Essentially they don’t get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sexual intercourse, so they don’t have to have sex, to have a long lasting, loving, healthy, happy relationship.”

So those with fibromyalgia know it’s possible to get someone for a relationship who won’t leave them if they can’t have sex. This helps both those with Fibromyalgia and those who are asexual. Because it creates more relationship possibilities for both, and helps introduce asexuality to a larger number of people. I’m known as ACE (asexual) Fibro Girl.

This autobiographical self-help book, is really a personal and professional development book in disguise and is basically everything I have learnt in my life since 2012, to have less pain, more energy, and feel happier, in life. Most of which applies to you, without having fibromyalgia, it shows you how to improve your quality of life overall. It helps reduces pain in 25 aspects of your life, many of which are relevant to you whether you have fibromyalgia of not.

Do you have Depression or Anxiety? 😢 My autobiographical Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook can help you with that too. This book is a must-have read for how to overcome depression and decrease anxiety, even if you don’t have fibro, because in this book I show you exactly how to overcome depression, by giving you the antidotes to it, and how to reduce your anxiety, and the principles for this are the same even if you don’t have fibromyalgia. You will learn lots of useful ways to manage your mental health better.

If you relate to any of these, then I encourage you to go get your copy here, now:

Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook is available to buy on Barnes & Noble.  You can get this book here https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/fibromyalgia-self-help-handbook-sandra-bellamy/1134050777?ean=9780995599369

Or you can buy it from Amazon here 😍KINDLE https://amzn.to/2ru59YG  PAPERBACK https://amzn.to/2K2JI7m

😍KINDLE (UK) https://amzn.to/2Q9Ac66  PAPERBACK https://amzn.to/2CuL72q

Until next time, stay ACE.

Sandra xx

You Are Invited To An Asexual New Year’s Online Chat Party!

Posted on by Asexualise

 

I don’t want any asexual to feel alone this year and into the next and beyond. I want you to know I am here for you. So join me tonight, soon, at 11.50pm GMT, for a live online asexual chat party! On my Asexualise Asexual channel chat show here www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife

How To Come Out As Asexual To Your Parents

Posted on by Asexualise

Coming out as asexual is never an easy task, especially when it’s your parents you need to come out as asexual to. In this asexual article, I explain some of the ways you can come out as asexual to your parents.

But first things first. You should have no, I repeat absolutely no, expectations, when it comes to coming out as asexual. Whether you are coming out as asexual to your parents, or anyone else for that matter. In fact, when you come out as asexual to your parents, it’s better to expect they might:

  • Not understand
  • Be confused
  • Be unaccepting
  • Be in denial
  • Think it’s a phase
  • Try to negotiate your own (a)sexual identity
  • Ask you to go and see a doctor, a therapist, or a phycologist
  • Or get a hormone test. – It has been known to happen!

But nothing. I repeat nothing. Is wrong with you. It’s perfectly ‘normal’ for some people in this world to not experience any sexual attraction at all, or for some people to experience very little. Or for some people to have little interest in sexual activities. It happens. And that’s okay. You’re not broken. You don’t need fixing. It’s not a result of trauma. It’s just natural for you to be you. It’s natural to not want sex; you are asexual.

And when you speak to your parents you need to be:

  • Confident in what you are talking about
  • Proud to be asexual
  • Have an attitude of your asexuality is non-negotiable

With all this in mind, here is how to come out as asexual to your parents:

You could do what I did, and phone your parents up, to come out as asexual. Tell them you have been researching about different sexual identities and your realise you are asexual. Explain what this means. You lack sexual attraction; you don’t look at someone and think, “I want sex with you”. And you just thought you should let them know.

What this does, is position you as having an intelligent approach to discovering your true asexual identity. Because you have ‘researched’ it and not just plucked it out of thin air.

For added asexual authenticity and believability, you can say you discovered thousands of people just like you (if you did, such as through www.asexuality.org) and that a recorded 1% of the population are asexual. Which means 1 in every 100 people you meet, are likely to be asexual. This gives a lot more realism to your asexual identity and brings it to life.

If your parents then try to disprove your asexual identity or don’t believe you, it’s not your job to negotiate this. There is no negotiation, you are asexual and that’s it. Not everyone will believe you straight away. You have no control over what other’s think, or how they react to it. You only have control over how you react to their reaction. So be sure to react to it in a my-asexual-identity-is-non-negotiable type of way. It’s not up for debate. You are just letting them know, because you love and care about them.

Another way to come out as asexual to your parents, would be to have an understanding and supportive friend with you when you tell them in person. Someone who knows you are asexual and who completely has your back. And do what I already said, but with a friend at your side instead. And instead of it being over the phone, it’s in person. Even better if this friend is asexual too – as they can’t deny asexuals exist, as there is living proof that someone else besides you, is asexual too. Or even someone from the LGBT+ community would be helpful, because their orientation is also a sexual orientation minority. There is strength in numbers. So play this strength card. Or it could be a supportive sibling, or another family member you are with when you tell them. Tell them you have something important to say, and you are a little scared about it, that’s why you have brought an asexual friend, sibling, (or other), with you. Tell them you love your parents very much, you have something you want them to know about you, and it would mean the world to you if they would give you a few minutes of their time to listen to you, as it’s very important. Then proceed to tell them in a confidence, calm manner, that you are asexual, and what that means for you. Explain the “A” in (A)sexual, means the absence of sexual attraction. So for me that means this …

If you want to add even more weight to what you are saying, you can say you are part of asexual groups and forums (if you are) and there are tons of asexuals – people just like you, out there. You can even point out all of the asexual YouTubers, bloggers, and articles that are about asexuals and asexuality. This is called an evidence stack. Stack the evidence of you being asexual and of asexuality being real, and it becomes harder for anyone to disbelieve it, or disprove it.

In the best case scenario, you won’t need to prove you are asexual, you parents will just accept it sounds like you. Which is what happened with me.

If you are scared about coming out as asexual, you could also get an article/blog post about asexuality and point it out to your parents and get them to read it, then say that’s who you are – asexual. Or gage their reaction to the article first, before you tell them.

The alternative way to come out as asexual to your parents:

The prequel step to coming out as asexual to your parents: If you feel very apprehensive about coming out to your parents as asexual, that’s only natural. Some parents may have worked out you are different by now, so you telling them you are asexual, may not surprise them at all. And you may be shocked by their it’s ‘no big deal’ response and attitude, especially if it has taken you months, weeks, and years, to muster up the courage to come out as asexual to your parents. But if you feel strong anxiety and you cannot muster up the courage to say you are asexual to your parents.

Try this instead: Tell your parents you are not interested in sex, it’s not your thing.

This type of response is a great one to use if your parents are asking you:

When are you getting a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner?

When are you going to give them grandchildren?

When are you getting married?

When are you going to settle down?

Or when you are prompted to respond to something about having sex.

Or when you have comments like she’s hot, he’s hot, and the person saying that is waiting for a reaction from you.

You can simply respond, “I’m not interested in that”.  Or “I’m not interested in that, it’s not my thing”.

Before you move on to tell them you are asexual, which could be at a later date; in a matter of days, weeks, or months. Or if their reaction is positive, you can proceed straight away to tell them you are asexual. The sooner you tell them, the sooner you can get on with living your beautiful asexual life, as your beautiful asexual self, without having to hide who you truly are, or any part of gorgeous self. This is a much healthier way of living in the long-term, repressing these things is never a good idea. Especially if you want parents to know, but you are just scared. Also, the more people who came out as asexual to their parents, the more we can get asexuality recognition globally, and the more you will be helping your community in the fight for asexual visibility, and in helping children to know, they don’t have to have sex, in order to be loved.

Whatever you decide to do. Remember you are beautiful just as you are, and you always will be.

I hope this article helps you come out as asexual to your parents.

If you have any questions. Comment below.

As always.

Stay ACE

Sandra xx

 

Asexuality – Asexualise My Asexual Life Re-defining SEX – Asexual Perspective – So You Think You Know Sex?

Posted on by Asexualise

So you think you know the definition of SEX? Think again… In this new series of re-defining SEX, Kirsty, who is a lesbian, is interviewing a wide range of people about what they think about sex and how they define it. And it’s not what you think! I was absolutely thrilled she asked me to take part in this series and asked me how I defined sex as an asexual. I can’t wait for my Asexuality interview to be premiered on her channel, this Sunday, 13th of September, 2020, at 9am (GMT+1). So set your alarm now, and be sure to show up!

Highlights include:

02:05– Looking at some of the main sub categories within the Asexuality spectrum

3:55– Sandra’s Asexual Coming Out Story

5:37– What is the sex experience like for someone who is asexual?

6:33– What does a healthy, happy relationship look like to you?

7:25– What is the difference between arousal and sexual attraction?

10:45– Changing the current definition of sex

13:00– Looking at Sandra’s book

The premiere is about 15 minutes long, but the podcast version on the Redefining Sex podcast on Spotify will be the full interview and is about 40 minutes long.

As always, stay ACE

Sandra xx

7 Steps How To Get Started With Asexual Dating A Step-By-Step Guide

Posted on by Asexualise

Some asexuals have never dated before in their life, or are inexperienced at it. If that sounds like you, or you just want some help with asexual dating, read on…

7 Steps How To Get Started With Asexual Dating

 

  1. Join Facebook dating groups for asexuals. Be aware that although my asexual dating groups should have only asexuals in them, some other asexual admins, aren’t so strict with who they allow in their groups, and you might find some sexuals in them, so use careful questioning to determine if they are asexual and if they would be suitable for you, when you get someone approach you, or when you message someone from those groups. Post a post introducing yourself and keep posting every so often as new members are added. Remember to say where you live, what type of asexual you are, what type of relationship you are looking for, and with what gender – including any and all. Whether you are a mover or non-mover – In other words can you move or not? And say a bit about your hobbies and interests, so someone has got something to talk to you about if they approach you. For example, I am Sandra, I live in the UK, I am a heteroromantic asexual, a non-mover, so need to find someone who would move to live near me. I am a heteroromantic asexual and I live in the UK, I am looking for a highly romantic, lots of kissing, with no sex ever relationship, with an asexual guy. I am a non-mover. I don’t want marriage or kids, and I prefer to live on my own, but would love the right asexual guy to move to live near me, but not with me. I have a preference for younger foreign guys, in their 20s, especially Indian. I love writing, going to the cinema, out for meals, to theme parks, zoos, and aquariums. Must be a non-smoker, and preferably clean shaven. 
  2. Join Asexualitic.com fill out your bio on your profile as full as possible. You can copy and paste what you posted in the Facebook dating groups, into your profile on this site. Add more as you feel necessary. The more information the better. Check out the group forums as they can often be more active that the rest of the site. Search “Members”, as well as searching in the various groups and forum threads, for suitable matches for you. Remember it’s a yearly fee if you want private message people on this site. If you don’t want to pay for the site, then in your bio add “I am not a paying member of this site, so cannot private message, if I have friend requested you that’s means I am interested in getting to know you more, so please email me at… or you can also contact me on Facebook at…” Then ensure you send a friend request to those you are interested in getting to know more about, for a potential relationship. Remember, there will likely be some people who aren’t really asexual on this site. I have come across a few.
  3. Join ace-book.net fill out your bio on your profile as full as possible. You can copy and paste what you posted in the Facebook dating groups, into your profile on this site. Add more as you feel necessary. The more information the better. Check “Matches” and “Local Matches” to find suitable matches for you. Take part in the forums, as you never know, you might meet someone suitable for you in those. Remember, there will likely be some people who aren’t really asexual on this site. I have come across a few.
  4. Download aceAPP for your Android or Apple phone. Fill out your bio as much as possible, in the short amount of characters allowed, with all the key point deal breakers for you, such as; no sex, no kids, UK only. Use “Bake Cake” to swipe through suitable matches, change the “filters” as appropriate, to narrow or widen the geographical area you would consider having people match with you within, and also try the “Active Now” feature, to find suitable matches for you. Be aware there are a number of people on this App who are fake, and as well not asexual. Watch the video below to find out more what to look out for. I still think it’s worth joining as I have met two genuine asexuals from that app, who attended my in person asexual meetups.
  5. Be proactive, not reactive. Approach people in; the Facebook Asexual dating groups you have joined, on asexualitic.com on ace-book.net and on aceAPP. Don’t wait to get a message from others, you message them, and understand that rejection both by yourself and by others towards you, is a natural part of dating and nothing personal. It means you can rule that person out and get closer to getting the right person for you. So it’s a good thing, not a bad thing.
  6. Go through the “members” list for each Facebook dating group you are in, and click through the profiles of those who interest you and send a private message to begin a conversation with them – providing there are no group rules specifying otherwise. I encourage private messaging in my dating groups. Politely say you are not interested, if someone messages you, and you aren’t. Just say something like, thanks but you aren’t my type, or you aren’t what I am looking for, but good luck with your search. If you are sending them a message, and you are not friends with them, your message will likely land in their “other” messages inbox. So if you don’t get a reply within 2 days, and you notice they haven’t seen your message, send them a friend request, as if you become friends with them, they will be able to see your messages. You can always unfriend them if they accept and you find out they aren’t even suitable to be friends with you.
  7. If you have been messaging with someone for a while and it’s going well and you think you might be suitable for a potential relationship, have a Skype date/Video date with them. This is the next step. Always do this before meeting up with them in person. If the person refuses to do this or make excuses so they can’t do it for some reason, move on. It’s not worth risking your safety over. It’s a lot easier to find genuine and serious  people, if you ask to video chat, they should be happy to. It shouldn’t be too much trouble to learn how to video chat, or learn together. Skype dating/Video dating, as opposed to a chat with a friend on video, is all about asking questions to find out if they are suitable for you to be in relationship with them. You should be asking the tough questions very early on, the deal breakers, so you have the least amount of attachment to them, so it doesn’t matter if either of you need to move on and you don’t waste each other’s time. Ask specific questions but make them general. So if for example, you are an asexual who wants kids, ask that person what their view on having kids is, despite being asexual. Don’t ask, I want a kid, do you want one with me. That will likely either frighten them off, or they might say yes, just to be polite, or because they are telling you what they think you want to hear. And neither of those is good for you. If they say they want kids, ask them, would that be by natural means or other? Again, this is a very specific question, but you are asking it in a non-pressurising way. Ask what they think of marriage, not would you want to marry me, when you barely know each other, and be aware of anyone who talks about getting married early on, as it could mean they want marriage for a visa. Ask where they see themselves in 5 years time; in terms of where they will live, what job they will have, what their ideal relationship will look like. This way you can compare your needs, wants, goals, ambitions and dreams, for the future, with theirs, in your mind, to determine if there is any likelihood this person may be suitable for you for a long-term relationship. After the Skype date/Video date, you can decide if you would like to do it agin or not. And if they are bad for you, you can say to them part way through or early on, that you aren’t compatible, but thank them for their time, or not as the case might be, and you can end the conversation there and then.

Above all, look at asexual dating, as a journey of discovery, and not something to be scared of. It should be as enjoyable as possible.

Share this post now, with anyone who needs help with asexual dating. 

As always, stay ace.

Sandra xx

P.S. If you want to watch the full length video of these 7 Steps How To Get Started With Asexual Dating, filmed as a Live Stream, you can see it here:

How To Boost Your Immune System And Use It To Help Prevent Coronavirus!

Posted on by Asexualise

Asexual Ace Fibr Girl

If you didn’t already know, besides being a heteroromantic asexual, I have Fibromyalgia! Besides being known as – Asexualise, I am also known as ACE (Asexual) Fibro Girl. I know some other asexuals also have fibro and I mention Asexuality in my Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook. Stress causes more Fibromyalgia pain and makes you more susceptible to viruses because it lowers your immune system! 😷

👉Which is why, with the Coronavirus, it’s more important than ever to decrease your stress levels and in this post I will explain exactly how to do this. Read this post, even if you don’t have fibromyalgia, because it’s so important to safeguard your immune system against this deadly virus! So read on 👉👉👉👉👉👉👉👉👉

Stress causes more Fibromyalgia pain and makes you more susceptible to viruses because it lowers your immune system! 😷

👉Which is why, with the Coronavirus, it’s more important than ever to decrease your stress levels and in this post I will explain exactly how to do this. So read on 👉👉👉👉👉👉

👉This is my one top tip for today, and the days to come, especially for combatting getting Coronavirus.🤒😷

You must decrease your stress levels in multiple aspects of your life! If you want to decrease your fibro pain and decrease your likelihood of getting more sickness or disease.👇

So many people with fibro are looking for an outside cure.👀

So many people with fibro are looking for the next pill to pop to decrease their pain.👀

They don’t see that the answers are within their self. 👀🙄

And the more responsibility you take for your own life and pain, the less pain you keep locked within you! And the less pain you feel as a result! 🤗

Fibromyalgia is an autoimmune condition, which means now, with the Coronavirus, it’s more important than ever, to decrease our stress levels in multiple aspects of our life and focus on having fun, relaxation, and not going into panic overdrive mode! Otherwise we increase our chances of becoming sick 🤒😷

Stress is the ONE thing you really need to decrease, if you want to prevent getting more diseases, illnesses, sickness, infections. 🤧🤒

So make two lists.

One list with everything that makes you feel relaxed, happy, smiley. Such as:

🛀Taking a hot bath.

🧘‍♀️Doing meditation, or just closing your eyes to your favourite music.

👀Watching your favourite movies.

💃Dancing around your home to your favourite tunes.

💬Messaging a favourite friend.

💌Emailing a loved one.

👉Whatever it is, make your list now and make sure you are doing 1-3 of these things each and every day.

The more stress you feel you have in your life, the more of these things you should be doing to decrease your stress levels and boost your immune system back up. 3 per day minimum is what I recommend. Never go a day without doing one of them. You owe it to yourself to put your health first. The more you take care of yourself, the more you can look after others. So it’s a win, win! 🤩😍

👉👉👉👉👉👉👉👉👉👉👉👉

And a second list that focuses on each of these main aspects of your life, and the stress you feel within each of them!

👉 Relationships with yourself and with others.

💏 Love relationship.

👭 Friendships.

👨‍👩‍👧 Family.

👉 Health – not only with your fibro but other things you may have, what causes you to have the most stress with your health, be honest!

👇Is it putting others first?
👇Is it a lack of exercise?
👇Is it a toxic relationship?
👇Is it you need some extra help with your shopping, or cleaning your home?
👇Or do you just need a listening ear.👂
👇Do you need to find more things to help you relax?

👉 Finances.

Are your finances in good health or is a lack of money causing you stress?🤔😖

👉 Life mission, goals, ambitions and dreams!

As humans we need to feel like we are making progress in our life, if we are not, we feel like we are stagnating, we feel lifeless, we lack that fighting spirit and the reason we need to keep going!

Let me ask you a question… what are your life goals, ambitions and dreams right now? 🤔🤔

And don’t tell me you are in too much pain to have any, because if you are in that amount of pain, it’s exactly what you need to take your mind off your pain! You need to have a focus that is off your pain, and on what you love to do, what you want to do, and what you must do! 😍 This is essential to decrease your pain 😍

If you were to be at the end of your life right now and you wanted to know you had made your mark in the world, that you have left a lasting legacy, that you had lived your life doing everything you wanted to do, what would those things be that are a must for you? 🤔

Your fibro pain makes you know you can get through anything life throws at you, so why not use this pain to push yourself to achieve as many of your goals, ambitions and dreams, as much as possible?

👉 Your spirit and soul.

What are you doing to nourish your inner spirit and soul?

What is working for your soul? 🤔💥
And what are you doing in your life that is going against it? 😥
Have you tapped into your inner intuition lately? 🤔
Or are you not trusting your own judgement and purposefully going against your own intuition and gut feeling? And ultimately causing pain and stress to your own soul and inner being, thus increasing your fibro pain? 🤔😥

👉 Mindset.

🤔 Are you self-critical?
🤔 Hard on yourself when things don’t go right?
🤔 Don’t believe in yourself?
😥 Worst still, you don’t love, or even… like yourself!

These things will cause more stress and distress in your body and ultimately more fibro pain! This is what I mean by so many people look for an outside solution to fix an internal problem. You may not be able to cure yourself completely from fibro but you CAN still decrease your fibromyalgia pain and live a better quality of life! All these things will zap your happiness and energy too. Fibromyalgia is a result of trauma, how much ‘internal’ trauma, are you currently adding to your already inflaming volcano within you. Think about it! 🤔

Look at your own life and the multiple aspects of it, and which ones you have any stress in, then try to eliminate those stresses completely and as much as possible.🤗

You want a weapon against Coronavirus? Start by de-stressing and relaxing as a top priority in your life! Go to the top of this post and take action and do the work it takes to get you feeling better. Make a list of ways that you find relaxing and ensure you do 3 each day. Then work on your stresses in these aspects: relationships, health, finances, life mission, spirit/soul, and mindset. You need to work out what your stresses are, how to decrease them, usually by a process of eliminating them or reducing them, by taking action to do so. No excuses for not taking any action. Do your very best and then some more. If you give yourself excuses, you are keeping yourself in more pain than you need to be.

Your next weapon against Coronavirus, especially if you have #fibromyalgia, is working on what to eat and not to eat to boost your immune system and decrease your pain! 🤗

👉 Check out my Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook here https://amzn.to/33iDOr2for more help with how to decrease your pain, including the full list of 25 internal/external environments, you need to examine and take action in, to decrease your pain! And HOW to do that!😍

👉 This book also covers the foods to eat and not to eat, to have less pain, more energy, feel happier, and to stop that, my-legs-feel-like-they-have-been-run-over-by-a-bus, feeling! You know the one I mean!

👉 To get your copy of this pain busting book, here is the link https://amzn.to/33iDOr2This will be the best investment you have ever made to decrease your Fibromyalgia pain, or Amazon will even give you your money back, so you have nothing to lose and everything to gain!

Just remember whenever you need results in life, you need to take action and do the work it takes, but the effort will be worth it. 😍💥

— with Sandra Bellamy Aka ACE Fibro Girl.

10 Ways How To Stop Feeling Lonely At Christmas

Posted on by Asexualise
How To Stop Being Lonely At Christmas

Christmas can be a lonely time for many asexuals, especially if all your friends are partnered with other people, are seeing their families, and if you feel you don’t quite fit into your own family dynamic or have the Christmas spirit within you.

First of all, you don’t have to be religious to celebrate Christmas, you can just love celebrating life and the fact you are living. You can make Christmas you very own special time, to just enjoy the festive break and make it a happy occasion for you.

Here are 10 Ways How To Stop Feeling Lonely At Christmas!

  1. Fill your day with things you love to do, whether that is going for a walk, watching your favourite movies one after the other, or reading a book. Christmas time is a chance to make time to do what you love and to make yourself feel great about being you and your life.
  2. Go out on a self-date to a local restaurant or pub, many are open for the Christmas period, as it tends to be their busiest time. You don’t have to drink alcohol to have a great time.
  3. Treat yourself to something nice, whether that is your favourite chocolate bar, your favourite perfume, or a bubble bath. Spoil yourself.
  4. Connect with others on social media, by phone, video chat or text. Especially with others who are on their own and also may be feeling lonely. Post on social media, such as on Facebook, and especially in asexual groups, asking if anyone else would like to message, phone, or video chat with you. There’s bound to be someone who feels the same way as you.
  5. Change your state to one of happy, positive and upbeat, so you are enjoying yourself and having fun, rather than focusing on being alone. Play your favourite video games that make you feel great, dance around your home to your favourite tracks, watch motivational and inspirational videos on YouTube. (Also comment on YouTube videos and have comment chats with other YouTubers by replying to their comments!)
  6. Use this time for learning. Watch educational videos that teach you a new life skill, or take an online course, so you keep your mind occupied and off the feeling of being lonely.
  7. Go and visit a friend, relative, or go and see someone else, such as an elderly person, who is also on their own at Christmas and make their Christmas feel special.
  8. Look for meetup groups on https://www.meetup.com that meet up on Christmas Day, Boxing Day – they do have some, and be prepared to travel to them to be around other people.
  9. Book a trip away. Being in different surroundings, can be invigorating and re-energising – Making you feel great!
  10. Do something productive. Write that book you have always been wanting to write. Write in your journal. Write your goals for next year with a plan of how to achieve each one. Write that blog post you have always been wanting to write but not had the time for – or start a blog for free, if you haven’t already at www.wordpress.com Then look for other blog posts in your ‘Reader’ feature, allow other people to follow you, and follow other bloggers and comment on their posts and on other people’s comments, to make blogging friends, so you always have someone to chat to online.

I hope you have enjoyed reading this article about 10 Ways How To Stop Feeling Lonely At Christmas, if you have, give it some like love. If you have any other ideas, please share them below.

Wishing you a fabulous and very Happy Christmas.

Lots off acey love

Sandra xxxxxxxx

 

What Does It Mean To Be Asexual? – What Is Asexuality?

Posted on by Asexualise

What does it mean to be asexual? Is something that many people are curious about. To be asexual means your sexual orientation is different to heterosexuals, pansexuals, bisexuals, and homosexuals, because those sexualities are all about who you are sexually attracted to, but asexuality is a sexual orientation that is the lack of sexual attraction, and means in broad terms you are sexually attracted to no one. So you don’t look at any gender/person and think I want ‘sex with you’. You don’t get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sexual intercourse, in fact you often feel that is one of the worse things you could be doing, and would much rather be doing other things.

An easy way to remember it, is that the word ‘A’ and the word ‘sexual’, are put together to form the word ‘Asexual’, and the ‘A’ stands for ‘absence of’ sexual attraction.

The full definition of Asexuality according to Wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality :

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity

So this is where is can get a bit blurry, because many asexuals lack sexual attraction and others could just have low or absent interest in sexual activity, but still have some sexual attraction, yet not want to have sex or not be interested in sexual activities – in my experience these latter asexuals are usually on the Grey-Asexual end of the asexual spectrum. It also depends on how you define sexual activity. Some asexuals who lack sexual attraction, could participate sexual activities, and may like that, as sexual behaviour is not the same as sexual attraction. So for example, some asexuals may like to touch all over the body of their partner, and to touch the genitals of their partner and masturbate them, but not want sex, and never feel the need, urge, or want for sex. Many others will be completely repulsed by that idea. Or they may like doing sexual activities with themselves, such as masturbating themselves, whether that be manually with their hands/fingers, or using sex toys, but not with anyone else. Not all asexuals masturbate, but a number of them do, and they would rather do that than have anyone else doing sexual acts with them. Some asexuals still have a sex drive, but it’s not aimed at anyone and others still get aroused, but that arousal doesn’t lead to a need, urge, or want, to have partnered sexual intercourse, it’s just something their body does naturally. Some asexuals are romantic and still experience romantic attraction and others experience no romantic attraction.

  • Attraction to the opposite gender romantically = heteroromantic
  • Attraction to the same gender romantically = homoromantic
  • Attracted to both the same and opposite gender = biromantic
  • Attraction to any possible gender romantically = panromantic
  • Asexual and no romantic attraction = aromantic asexual (You can also get aromantic sexuals, those who do want sex, and do experience sexual attraction, but are not romantic)

So if you look at anyone and think, I want to have sex with you and you would have it in reality with them, given the chance, you would NOT be asexual. 

So asexuality is a spectrum, ranging from those who experience no sexual attraction and no romantic attraction, to those who experience romantic attraction but no sexual attraction, to those who are on the more sexual end of the asexual spectrum and may experience sexual attraction, under limited, rare, or specific circumstances, but not enough to want to act on it. (There are also lots of sub-identities too on this spectrum, but I want to stick to basics for this article.) There are also people who are known as demisexual, which falls under Grey Asexuality, and means they don’t experience sexual attraction at all, unless and until, a very deep emotional bond has been formed. The bond usually also has to be maintained and sustained for the sexual attraction to still exist. Some demisexuals can live quite happily without sex ever, even if they do form that bond and experience sexual attraction, others need to have sex in a relationship, once they experience sexual attraction, which is no good if they are in a relationship with a monogamous sex-repulsed asexual who doesn’t want sex ever, and especially if they don’t want to do any sexual activities either.

There is also an aromatic spectrum:

  • Aromantic = no romantic attraction
  • Grey-Romantic = can experience romantic attraction, in limited, under limited, rare, or specific circumstances, but not enough to want to act on it
  • Demi-Romantic = can experience romantic attraction only when a deep emotional bond has been formed
  • Cupioromantic = desires to have a romantic relationship and be romantic, despite not experiencing romantic attraction

So there is a lot of things to consider when you first discover you are asexual and where you fall on the asexual spectrum. If you want to know more about asexuality and you want to be shown what the asexual spectrum is, rather than just be given text book definitions, and to read 47 different asexual perspectives on love, life and sex, and what it feels like to be asexual in this highly sexualised world, and get the best advice on how to survive it, get a copy of ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES: 47 Asexual Stories: LOVE, LIFE and SEX, ACElebration of ASEXUAL DIVERSITY here https://amzn.to/2L9Y9qI 

If you have fibromyalgia, or you suffer with depression or anxiety, you should check out my autobiographical Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook as not only does it mention asexuality in the book, it also explains how to overcome depression and decrease your anxiety, and the techniques work, regardless of whether you have fibromyalgia or not. I know a lot of asexuals who have depression and anxiety, and this book will really help with that, check out www.acefibrogirl.com and see the reviews – which are by asexuals who don’t have fibro, and it helped them! https://amzn.to/2Y8msdZ

Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook

Looking for asexual merch? https://www.redbubble.com/people/asexualise/shop