I thought that I would do a review of a book written by Sandra Bellamy regarding asexuality. She has written a few books (I’ll likely review others) and is currently writing another as I write this, which should hopefully be available soon. The book I shall discuss today is “Asexual Perspectives, 47 Asexual Stories” with […]
Asexual Perspectives by Sandra Bellamy (Book Review)
Happy International Asexuality Day
In broad terms, asexuality is a sexual orientation that is based on the lack of sexual attraction. This means we don’t get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sexual intercourse.
Sexual attraction = being sexually attracted towards a specific person/people.
Sexual desire = desiring the sex itself.
Arousal = a feeling in your genitalia.
Asexuality is also a spectrum, ranging from those who experience zero sexual attraction, known as a “pure” asexual, to those do experience sexual attraction, only under limited, rare, or specific circumstances, or who experience it, but not enough to want to act on it – known as a “grey” asexual.
Some asexuals are sex repulsed and will never have sex and hate it, others are sex neutral and don’t care whether they have sex or not. Others are sex positive and will/do have sex.
Some asexuals hate porn and will never watch it.
Other asexuals do watch porn.
Some asexuals masturbate.
Others asexuals feel sick at the idea of masturbation and it makes them want to throw up – just like some sex repulsed asexuals want to throw up when they hear the word sex.
Some asexuals are into BDSM – even without sex.
Other asexuals can’t stand BDSM and they want to run mile even hearing those words.
Some asexuals experience arousal – others don’t.
Every asexual is valid.
Happy ACE Day.
Sandra xx
So, my friend Sandra, as well as writing Asexual Perspectives and other books, also has a YouTube channel, where she discusses, among other things, asexuality, relationships, self development and personal improvement. She often has livestreams on the channel. These can vary in duration from around 20-25 minutes up to a couple of hours, dependent on […]
Asexualise YouTube Channel (Sandra Bellamy)
As I’m a personally sex repulsed asexual who also has nudity repulsion, I try to find movies to watch that have no sex in them and no nudity, and I am pleased to say that BEE MOVIE fits this criteria. (Warning spoilers to follow.)
Not only does it have no sex and no nudity, it also appears to have an asexual character who ends up choosing a relationship with a BEE over a “charming” human guy – who is far from charming but thinks he is, and is meant to be the type of guy who is popular with the women – but not this woman, who is a florist.
This no sex movie starts off with Barry the Bee graduating and about to get his first and last job for life, in the nectar/honey factory.
But when Barry realises he is expected to do the same job for life, alarms bells start ringing and Barry knows there must be more to life than just doing the same job over and over again for years. His dad used to be a stirrer and he stirred so much that he couldn’t stop stirring when he came home. Barry doesn’t want to end up like his dad and in what he sees is a dead end job for life. But his parents want and expect him to carry on the family Bee tradition and make them proud by working in the factory.
But it’s not long before Barry meets the pollen jocks whose job it is to go outside the factory to cross pollinate the flowers and one day he goes out with them to get some work experience and ends up flying into someone’s home by accident.
This is where he meets the florist who already appears to have this “charming” guy as her boyfriend – or he at least wants to be her boyfriend, and he wants to kill the bee, but she saves Barry’s life and then he goes back afterwards and commits a bee sin – he speaks to a human.
Then they end up dating. They understand each other, eat together, touch fingers, enjoy each other’s company, have great conversations, work well as a team and have lots in common and a great foundation of friendship. It’s an asexual match made in heaven. Their attraction is not of a sexual nature, but is a little romantic and platonic too. They have a deep fondness for each other and great animation chemistry.
Barry discovers that humans are stealing and selling honey and nectar for a profit and the bees are getting nothing for it, not even royalties, but are working like slaves to produce it. So he decides to sue the humans and to take them to court and wins.
He recalls all of the nectar and honey back to the factory and the factory has more than it knows what to do with, but with no where else for it to go, the factory has to stop producing any more and all the bees stop work and just don’t do much besides sun themselves.
Then… Barry admits to the florist he made a mistake when she points out that all the flowers are dying because there is no pollination or cross-pollination now the pollen jocks and the rest of the bees are no longer working, and the florist goes on her way to see the final flower show, before those last flowers die, and after she had to close her shop due to there being no more flowers.
Then Barry has an idea…
If they can bring some of those flowers back to the factory, they can cross-pollinate them and bring the other flowers back to life and start the cycle of plant and fruit life back up again.
So the florist and Barry steel the Princess and the Pea float at the festival, bust it out of the festival, go along the motorway and board a plane with the rose flowers from it.
But… the plane is going to be delayed by 2 hours due to bad weather and the roses are going to die and it’s their only hope to save the bee species and bring plant and fruit life back to the world.
So Barry goes to talk to the pilot about the delay… who then tries to kill him, and in the process the co-pilot gets knocked unconscious and then the pilot does too, and Barry has to get the florist to fly the plane while he tries to direct her with what to do…
Soon they realise the autopilot has been flying the plane, not the florist, and they feel hopeless…
But all the other bees come together – the Pollen Jocks fly up to the plane to manually take over landing it and the other bees create a flower target for landing the plane.
Once the plane has landed the Pollen Jocks promote Barry to be officially one of them and they cross pollinate the flowers and bring all the others flowers back to life and the factory starts up again, and Barry realises how important the work is of the bees and that small actions can lead to big results.
The florist reopens her shop with Barry and his name is on the shop signage, they sell bee approved nectar from it and Barry does legal services in the back of the shop as well as working as a pollen jock and using the factory to help fill shop orders.
And they live happily ever after… with the exception of the guy who wanted to be the florist’s boyfriend – but instead Barry bee won her heart for life.
I love this movie so much.
What a very beautiful no sex love story.
Watch the video above this post for my full review of this film or click here https://youtu.be/GAzo8nYoXXg
And if you want to watch more movies without sex or nudity in them, watch my entire – no sex movie no sex film reviews playlist here https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6sdIToxIi4dKvfaZf_YFraYqEMyGEzLV or click through the video below and don’t forget to subscribe to my channel and hit the bell icon, so you never miss an episode.
As always, stay ACE and BEE kind to yourself and others – BEEcause you’re ACE.
Sandra xx
Even in the 21st century, asexuality is still not heard of by many heterosexuals, and is still deeply misunderstood.
In this post, we will discuss 5 misconceptions and misinformation about asexuality, and what the truth actually is.
Misconception And Misinformation About Asexuality Number 1:
Asexuals are people who want to be alone 😔
Whilst it is true that some asexuals like to spend time on their own, most likely because those asexuals are introverted and/or have social anxiety, other asexuals don’t like to be alone.
Saying a blanket statement that asexuals are people who want to be alone, is simply not true, asexuality is a sexual orientation. 🙄
Misconception And Misinformation About Asexuality Number 2:
Asexuals are people who have never had sex 😔
Whilst it’s true that some asexuals have never had sex and never will, this is not what makes someone asexual.
Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is based on a lack of sexual attraction, not a lack of action. 🙄
Misconception And Misinformation About Asexuality Number 3:
Asexuals are people who can’t get laid. 😔
Whilst I absolutely personally hate the term getting laid, what I hate more, is this statement implies people who are asexual are not able to get someone to have sex with them because they are unattractive. Because people associate not being able to get anyone to have sex with them (getting laid), as a sign of unattractiveness, which is utter bulls*it.
A person who is asexual, is not deemed to be so based on whether they can get someone to have sex with them or not, it’s based on if they experience little to no sexual attraction or not. Many asexuals have lots of offers of sex, but many are repulsed by the idea. Asexuals are still beautiful even if they don’t want sex. 🙄
Misconception And Misinformation About Asexuality Number 4:
Asexuals are people who abstain from sex. 😔
Whilst some asexuals abstain from sex, abstinence is not the same as asexuality.
Those who abstain from sex, are doing so out of choice.
Asexuality is not a choice, it’s a sexual orientation. 🙄
Misconception And Misinformation About Asexuality Number 5:
Asexuals are people who are celibate. 😔
Asexuality is not the same as celibacy.
Unlike those who are choosing to be celibate and are stop themselves from having sex as they try to resist their urges for it, asexuality is not a choice, and asexuals are not people who are forcing themselves to refrain from having sex. As they don’t experience the usual sexual attraction, they don’t usually have the need, urge, or want, for partnered sexual intercourse in the first place, so they are not forcing themselves to not do something, which they have no need or ‘urge’ to do. 🙄
What is asexuality? What does it mean to be asexual? What is grey asexual? What’s a pure asexual? What is the asexual spectrum?
Watch the What Is Asexuality – YouTube #shorts video above and read the asexual flags below, to find out…
If you are new to asexuality, or you want more help understanding the asexual spectrum, and how to navigate dating, relationships, and life, as an asexual, in a highly sexualised world, I have been helping asexual for over 6 years now on my Asexualise channel www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife that you can subscribe to, which will help you with many aspects about asexuality, and especially dating and relationships. I usual live stream daily and you can ask me anything you want in chat there.
If you are still discovering about asexuality and more about the asexual spectrum, I have a Free Asexuality Basics For Beginners course that you can sign up to here that also shows you what the asexual spectrum is www.asexualiseacademy.com
I also wrote a book and interviewed 46 asexuals around the globe and across the asexual spectrum for it, https://amzn.to/2Lk5en3 What is good about this book, is it does not just give text book definitions of orientations across the asexual spectrum, it shows you them, through their answers and the personal details they share. It answers most questions you could think of about love, life, and sex, from an asexual point of view, including those you feel afraid to ask!!
So a question I see cropping up a lot in internet search results is, what does it feel like to be asexual?
There is no one single way to answer this as there is not one way of being asexual. There are so many different types of asexuals across the spectrum of asexuality sexual orientation, that to give a single answer to this question and you think that’s it, would not give a true picture. There are also too many types of asexuals to include in this post. However, here are some ways it feels like to be asexual:
As asexuals in broad terms, have a lack of sexual attraction in common, it drives us crazy that a relationship is valued by society on how much sex you are having within it. We feel sad about this, as we don’t naturally feel a need, urge, or want, for sex, and we can live, love, and be happy without sex forever. We can feel like an alien in a foreign world, with people (sexuals), speaking a foreign language that we don’t understand or relate to. Growing up can feel lonely, depressing, and upsetting, like you are an outcast and don’t belong. But it can also be a relief to not have to focus our life around sex, and we can have lots of projects on the go at once and many different interests, which means we can get a lot done with all that sex we’re not having, and be creative and/or active in some way. We can often like the more sweet, innocent parts of a relationship, like you would have in the earlier part of a relationship before sex gets in the way, and you are expected to perform. When we kiss and touch, for some asexuals we may feel aroused, and others asexuals feel no arousal at all. When I kissed a guy in a club for almost an hour and had no arousal, it felt like a wooden clog down there! Nothing! All the sensation was purely in the mouth, with the lips and tongue. It’s quite a weird feeling from down below, but the kissing was still enjoyable for me. Many asexuals prefer cuddling to kissing.
Asexuality is a spectrum, and there are Grey asexuals who experience sexual attraction, under limited, rare, or specific circumstances, or who experience it, but not enough to want to act on it. For these asexuals, they are often somewhere between asexual and sexual and can feel lost and like they are caught between a rock and a hard place, neither fully fitting in society with asexuals or sexuals. It can be very difficult to find anyone for a suitable relationship because they can all have very different limits and boundaries where physical touching, likes, and dislikes are concerned.
I hope this blog article has helped you to understand more about what does it feel like to be asexual.
Until next time, stay ace!
Sandra xx
P.S. If you want to find out more about asexuality, shop for my Asexual Perspectives book here https://amzn.to/3kZDVka and if you want one-to-one coaching, check out my coaching page here – ASEXUAL COACH
Whichever you resonate with the most, I want you to know, there is no shame in being single and staying single. Much of society is geared towards you finding a partner, getting married, having kids, and living happily ever after – and that’s why there are so many divorces, separations and split ups! It’s better to be single and happy to be single, than be with the wrong person.
So the photos above are a reminded of the 12 reasons why it’s good to be single. There are many more, especially if you don’t want marriage or kids.
In case you scrolled down this post super fast and missed all of those 12 reasons why it’s good to be single, here they are again.
This list of 12 benefits of being single, is not exhaustive. Why do you like most about being single? Comment below, or hit me up in the chat bubble and tell me!
Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook is available to buy on Barnes & Noble. You can get this book here https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/fibromyalgia-self-help-handbook-sandra-bellamy/1134050777?ean=9780995599369
So why is a book about Fibromyalgia relevant to asexuals?
I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2012, and I discovered I am asexual in 2014. I joined some fibro groups on Facebook, which is mostly made up of women, and discovered that many women with fibromyalgia have pain that either prevents them from having sex, or it makes sex very painful for them. With this is mind, the harsh truth is many women’s partners/husbands leave them because they can’t live without sex. It’s sad, but it really happens, after a lot of years of marriage in some cases. It’s horrid, but the truth. In fact only yesterday, in one fibro group I am in, one woman who has been married for years to her husband who is 56 years old, was explaining how she had to go away for bit with her daughter who was relocating and she needed to help her. Her husband agreed she should go and then he cheated with his 24 year old neighbour, whom she and their daughter knows. She said she can’t compete with someone like that. I said he is not worth competing for.
These woman likely don’t know that there are people in the world that can live, love, and be happy, in relationships without sex. So in my Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook, I introduce asexuality to those people, in Chapter 19, and explain there are people who identify as asexual in sexual orientation and this means:
“Essentially they don’t get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sexual intercourse, so they don’t have to have sex, to have a long lasting, loving, healthy, happy relationship.”
So those with fibromyalgia know it’s possible to get someone for a relationship who won’t leave them if they can’t have sex. This helps both those with Fibromyalgia and those who are asexual. Because it creates more relationship possibilities for both, and helps introduce asexuality to a larger number of people. I’m known as ACE (asexual) Fibro Girl.
This autobiographical self-help book, is really a personal and professional development book in disguise and is basically everything I have learnt in my life since 2012, to have less pain, more energy, and feel happier, in life. Most of which applies to you, without having fibromyalgia, it shows you how to improve your quality of life overall. It helps reduces pain in 25 aspects of your life, many of which are relevant to you whether you have fibromyalgia of not.
Do you have Depression or Anxiety? 😢 My autobiographical Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook can help you with that too. This book is a must-have read for how to overcome depression and decrease anxiety, even if you don’t have fibro, because in this book I show you exactly how to overcome depression, by giving you the antidotes to it, and how to reduce your anxiety, and the principles for this are the same even if you don’t have fibromyalgia. You will learn lots of useful ways to manage your mental health better.
If you relate to any of these, then I encourage you to go get your copy here, now:
Fibromyalgia Self-Help Handbook is available to buy on Barnes & Noble. You can get this book here https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/fibromyalgia-self-help-handbook-sandra-bellamy/1134050777?ean=9780995599369
Or you can buy it from Amazon here 😍KINDLE https://amzn.to/2ru59YG PAPERBACK https://amzn.to/2K2JI7m
😍KINDLE (UK) https://amzn.to/2Q9Ac66 PAPERBACK https://amzn.to/2CuL72q
Until next time, stay ACE.
Sandra xx
I don’t want any asexual to feel alone this year and into the next and beyond. I want you to know I am here for you. So join me tonight, soon, at 11.50pm GMT, for a live online asexual chat party! On my Asexualise Asexual channel chat show here www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife