ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES: 47 ASEXUAL STORIES: LOVE, LIFE and SEX, ACElebration of ASEXUAL DIVERSITY
ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES
One asexual from my Asexual Friends group was asking about my Asexual Perspectives book and did not realise that the 47 stories are real life asexual experiences of what it really means to be asexual in this sexualised world. This 560 page book took me a year to write and I interviewed asexuals from all over the globe and across the asexual spectrum. The best thing about this book is it is NOT A BOOK OF TEXT BOOK DEFINITIONS OF ASEXUALITY, IT IS A COLLECTION OF REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES that SHOWS you THE DIVERSITY OF THE ASEXUAL SPECTRUM, and can deepen your under of asexuality as a whole, with many relatable stories.
When you first discover you are asexual, it is like you have found your FREEDOM, and a HUGE weight has been lifted from your shoulders. I constantly get asked questions about asexuals and asexuality and this book answers all of them and so much more:
Can asexuals masturbate?
Can I still be asexual if I watch porn?
Can an asexual have a relationship with a sexual and make it work?
Can asexuals really find love and a relationship with another asexual?
If I have had sex in the past, but have no desire for it now and have not for some time, could I still be asexual?
What advice would you give to someone who is just discovering they are asexual?
In this book you will find out the answers to all those questions and so much more.
In this book you will read stories of how difficult it is being asexual in a sexualised world, how people ALWAYS knew they were different, but did not know why or how! BUT you will also read what the POSITIVES TO BEING ASEXUAL are.
In this book you will:
•Learn the asexual perspectives of Aromantics; Heteroromantics; Homoromantics; Panromantics; Grey Aces; Demi-sexual; Biromantic; Agender; Transgender; Polyamorous and many more.
•Uncover Asexuals’ deepest fears, concerns and worries about being asexual.
•Find out possible reasons why, in general, society does not accept asexuality as a sexual orientation in its own right and what we can do about this to change the world!
•Discover what asexuals really believe are the differences between sexual attraction, sexual desire and arousal.
•Find out what asexuals really think of nudity; porn; masturbation; BDSM and kinks.
•Discover what it feels like to have sex as an asexual and how to cope with the sexualized world that we live in.
•Find out what asexuals think about living together, about marriage and about having kids.
•Discover what an ideal asexual relationship would look like and whether asexuals believe a relationship with a sexual would be fair or not.
•Find out what advice asexuals would give to a younger version of themselves regarding asexuality and what advice they would give to others who are just discovering they may be asexual.
Asexual Perspectives is 47 Real Life Asexual Stories and makes the ideal self-love gift or a gift for that asexual friend! Perfect for a Christmas treat.
Wearing Asexual clothing and having asexual accessories, makes you feel fantastic as an asexual because you are expressing your Asexual identity and showing you most definitely do exist.
Wearing Asexual clothing makes you feel empowered as an asexual and that you are truly living your asexual life and enjoying it. It makes you feel confident to be the wonderful and beautiful asexual you were always born to be!
Asexual Accessories can compliment your asexual clothes, and be as loud or as subtle as you wish them to be.
What’s Ace!
If you are not openly asexual, you can choose an asexual item that says ace on it, which is the slang term, or nickname word if you like, for being asexual, particularly when accompanied by the asexual flag colours, which are black, grey, white and purple.
What do the Asexual Pride Flag Colours Mean?
“The asexual pride flag consists of four horizontal stripes: black, grey, white, and purple from top to bottom. … The black stripe represents asexuality, the grey stripe representing the grey-area between sexual and asexual, the white stripe sexuality, and the purple stripe community.”
“The asexual pride flag consists of four horizontal stripes: black, grey, white, and purple from top to bottom.
In August 2010, after a process of getting the word out beyond the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) and to non-English speaking areas, a flag was chosen following a vote on a non-AVEN site. It has since been seen used on Tumblr in various LGBT areas, but had been seen alongside other sexual orientation flags previous to formal election. The black stripe represents asexuality, the grey stripe representing the grey-area between sexual and asexual, the white stripe sexuality, and the purple stripe community.
The AVEN logo is a triangle fading from white to black to symbolise the gradient between sexuals, gray-asexuals, demisexuals, and asexuals.
The ace of spades and ace of hearts are also used as asexual symbols as “ace” is a phonetic shortening of asexual. Similarly, “aro” is commonly another abbreviation of aromantic. Generally, romantic asexuals use the ace of hearts as their symbol, and aromantic asexuals use the ace of spades.
Another common symbol for the asexual community is a black ring worn on the middle finger of their right hand. The material and exact design of the ring are not important as long as it is primarily black. This symbol also found its start on AVEN in 2005.”
In my experience they cannot live happily forever without sex and I don’t like, need or want that, ever again in my life!The end!Okay, so I have some more reasons but they are linked to the first
Their thinking is different.
They cannot kiss for long periods of time without getting frustrated and pressurising to have sex with them.
They would view a cute pair of PJs as something that needs to be removed quickly for sex. And I like wearing cute PJs and I don’t want sex.
They may want to get their sexual needs met elsewhere and I am 100% a monogamous girl!
They will usually end up going off with someone else due to the lack of sex.
Incompatible needs and intentions.
Can’t make each other happy sexually and that will inevitably lead to other problems such as resentment, unsatisfaction and lack of fulfilment, feeling neglected or rejected and communication becomes lacking as the gap between us widens.
To sum it up, we are just not compatible and I am not prepared to put myself through that heartache ever again.
There is however, someone in my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories book who is asexual and said they are with a bisexual person and the sex (or lack of it) was never an issue. I think this is extremely rare, especially if the relationship is monogamous, but nothing is completely impossible in all cases.
As I update this blog post in September 2018, I did try dating a sexual for 2 months in 2017, and I stopped dating him because he turned out to be a real psycho not because of the no sex aspect – but that was also a huge worry for me and he even understood it was better for me to be with an asexual. A mutual friend afterwards said he would have cheated on you.
I know of one sexual person that is married to an aromantic asexual in a monogamous married relationship but the lack of sex makes them unhappy in the relationship aspect of their life. I also met a married couple at the UK Asexuality Conference and she is asexual and he is sexual – hooray for a supportive husband!
I tend to attract the highly sexual guys, so yeah, it would be great if they could live without sex, but they can’t in my experience. And ‘highly’ sexual is the clue! Plus I love Passionate kissing but never want sex, and like I said in my point (2) above, it is just too frustrating for them to do that and not get sex as the ‘reward’ or ‘prize’ they crave.
What is your thoughts? As an asexual, would you date a sexual?
I JUST POSTED THIS ON MY PERSONAL TIMELINE – but it’s IMPORTANT YOU READ THIS TOO, as I have been reflecting a lot lately and making life decisions that MAY AFFECT YOU TOO.
?GIVING YOU A HEADS UP NOW! Been reflecting a lot lately and so glad I am finally going out dancing, and in a place where they have foreign music, foreign guys, and I can dance to foreign tunes and most people are in their 20s, which matches my soul interests and the dancing is such an amazing freeing feeling that finally my soul can achieve and be nourished. I plan to go out dancing in my city far more, as it is so healthy for my mind, body and soul, and I am not a ‘going to the gym’ or ‘routine exercise class’ person. I want to dance in the way I like to for hours on end, and be in an atmosphere that naturally matches my 21st mindset soul and inner being. I like to be around young guys, not around guys near my birth certificate age, and that piece of paper is not me and not true to who I am. I am very grateful and thankful to be born, but that age, is not one I choose to live or be, it’s really not me and makes me unhappy and even miserable sometimes if I let it get its way or in atmospheres or doing things that trigger that or provoke it into action!
I am also going back to focusing on my life purpose which is WRITING and to change lives through the written word – writing is my number one passion in my life and my life purpose – followed very closely by asexuality.
⚡️WARNING PLEASE READ ALL OF THE FOLLOWING!
I will write some books that you will love and adore, but I will also write books that you may not agree with or not like – that is okay, you don’t have to read them and you can go on your own life path and ignore those ones – but I have to write them before I die to be blunt. I want to help as many people as possible with my knowledge and worrying about what people think is not any good for me.
‼️WARNING There is a very controversial book I plan to write and there is a NEED for it, I started writing it a while ago after I got a PM from an Asexual friend, but it is for a very niche amount of people – So I am giving you a heads up right now that some of you will not like it – some asexuals want to have sex or try it for the sake of their partner and they keep coming for my help in PM, afraid and scared and not knowing what to do – and yes, I used to be in heterosexual relationships for half of my life before I discovered I am asexual – I had sex and am experienced in that – even though I no longer want it for me. I have never experienced a need, urged want for it, but yes, I could fully feel it and experience it, probably in part due to the fact I am very sensitive, emotional, and I have high arousal levels – which I cannot help and in the past mistook for sexual attraction. I am also sexual in behaviour with the way I like to kiss with my clothes on – it can feel extreme and scary even for me. I like to get naturally excited with my clothes on, but sex does not appeal to me in the slightest – and yes, my ex was good at sex, but I am not liking sex or wanting it ever again, passionate kissing is a much bigger excitement for me and more explosively pleasurable if you must know, and I do not want sex ever again. I would rather not have had sex in the past and just had the kissing and maybe some touching when in a relationship – that is my dream relationship now – to have love without any sex, but plenty of romance, deepest ever soulmate connection, and deepest ever best friendship, with tons of proactive consistent communication, and making me a priority in his life, a guy loving my for my personality and all of those things mentioned, more than anything else, and first and foremost, but yes, I also NEED close passionate kissing in a relationship, with the tongue, bodies intertwined with clothes on, with the right younger foreign asexual guy in his 20s (in the UK permanently – if I ever find one). So yeah, I will be writing a book about hetero-sex for asexuals who want to try it and have no clue what to do. Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, not necessarily the lack of sexual behaviour, although the full definition is the “lack of sexual attraction AND/OR little to no interest in sexual activities” – notice the AND/OR. So if you have problem with that and no longer want to be my friend that is fine – you can go ahead and de-friend me and no hard feelings, but I will not live my life by other people’s mindset and rules – that is not my life, it is yours. I am glad for every asexual that is still a virgin – I think it’s good for you and you are not missing out at all. I am glad there are thousands of asexuals around the globe who have never had sex, that is amazing, and I am proud of you for doing that and staying that way and think it is very healthy for you. I am happy for every asexual who does not have any arousal or sexual behaviour whatsoever, that is fantastic – I am happy for you to be you and me to be me, naturally. I don’t think it is right for any asexuals who do feel aroused or who like doing some things that may be sexual in behaviour, to feel invalidated, guilty or wrong. We are all very different. I believe I was born to be a mixture of some parts of the asexual spectrum, through my life experience, in order to help others. So if you are not comfortable with me helping those asexuals who want to try sex, rather than having a go at me or being unhappy because I am doing that as well as all the no sex ever is fantastic videos and posts, – which in my opinion it is, then please go and be happy and leave my friends list as I do not want to be the cause of your upset or pain. I just need to help as many people as possible, regardless of what you think and believe, and I cannot please everyone.
?To all of my asexual friends who love and support me regardless – and of course all of my many very beautiful sexual friends, who I also love and adore, thank you so very, very much, for accepting me for who I am and caring about me for me. Thanks for continuing to support my mission, my life, my passion and my joys, and for also being and staying with me through those rough and tough times. I love you mountains and thanks for always being in my life, even if it is just silently at times. xxxxxxxx Hugs xxxxxxxx ? Celebrating being me.
So if you were unable to attend the UK Asexuality Conference on 8th of July 2018, I was a speaker there and this was my “How To Arrange An Asexual Meetup” talk for beginners, those who are just starting out arranging asexual meetups and who have never arranged one in their life. I think you will enjoy this talk very much. Any questions, please posts them in the comments below.
Here is the first video (Asexual Relationships) from the Asexuality Conference UK. I was in a team 3 for this panel discussion and it is interesting to hear the varying viewpoints, and my short talk about Asexual Relationships starts about 03.48. My friend recorded this for me, and edited it for me. The person who introduces us did not want to be filmed, so you can only hear their voice and they have been cut out of any visuals.
What is a Cupioromantic? You may come across this term on asexual dating sites and in asexual groups and forums. But what does it mean to be a Cupioromantic? A Cupioromantic is someone who is aromantic and although lacking in romantic attraction, still desires a romantic relationship! But in practise what does this mean! And can aromantics really be romantic, if they lack romantic attraction? Watch this video to find out more!
In case you didn’t know, there are both Asexual aromantics – those who lack sexual attraction and romantic attraction and sexual aromantics – those who lack romantic attraction but who are still sexual and experience sexual attraction.
What is the difference between Grey-Romantic and Demi-Romantic? Is a question that seems to come up regularly in asexual groups and asexual forums. So I decided to create a video about it and I hope it helps you. If you have any questions about Grey-Romantic and Demi-Romantic, please leave it in the comments below! Thanks for watching.
I had to deal with a Narcissist at work, after having 2 weeks off from the stress of being bullied by him for years, because I could not take it anymore. But I learned how to deal with a narcissist and that made me stronger when I had to go back to work. I have also come into contact with narcissists during asexual dating, so I really hope this video about how to deal with a narcissist and the first one, helps you to avoid getting into any sort of relationship with one of these.
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