Feeling alone is a sexualised world can be tough. I remember from a very young age that I hated the concept of doctors and nurses and felt invaded when I was put in that position by a boy at only 6 years of age. To me it wasn’t playing, it was disgusting, but I felt I had to oblige and then felt guilty about it for years afterwards, because I knew it was wrong, or a least it was to me!

I am not saying every asexual feels like this, but this is what I experienced and would still feel if I was put in that position today. The day I found out I am asexual I was amazed at the concept that love without sex existed and there was hope that finally I would meet a guy I can be romantic with, without him requesting or expecting sex from me. I could choose to decide never to have sex again and it was okay – ‘I don’t want it, don’t need it and not having it’, was like a breath of fresh air to me. It was like finally I don’t have to have sex. In the past I did, but not anymore. This is the true me, the real me. Don’t get me wrong, I do class myself as a Grey A, not because I ever want sex, like the stereotypical Grey A is boxed and labeled to be – yes, even asexuals get stereotyped or so closely defined that there may not be an exact tick box that you fit, but you decide what you feel most comfortable with describing you. But because I think I am a bit of an asexy kissing seducer with clothes on! But this is it, clothes come off? No thank you. It doesn’t excite me to get my clothes off and I don’t find the naked body appealing, although I do like my own naked body, particularly my top half and yes, as a heteroromantic I only get attracted to guys and if I were to see a part of my ace boyfriend naked, if I had a boyfriend, which I don’t, it would be his arms and shoulders that I would like to see, and at best his chest naked – I get attracted to a guy’s face and frame, not his dangly bits!

Now I realise if you are reading this and not a Grey A asexual, that some of the things I just mentioned to do with my Grey A bits, may be too asexy – or even considered too sexual for you, particularly the word ‘excited’, like if she is ace why would she like to get physically excited, but I do like to get naturally excited through kissing. I don’t think sex is a natural way to get excited, as least not for me, I don’t enjoy it, it hurts, and you have to put a lot of work into it, to get not much out of it, a few bits of cuming/climaxing, or whatever you want to call it – some liquid squirts out, is that it? What’s satisfying about that! Just like masturbation does nothing for me in terms of real excitement and I find it personally quite yucky as it makes me feel sick! Even though I can see how it can get addictive – that is also why I like to call myself a Grey A. The ironic thing is, I usually don’t like grey areas, I usually like everything to be black and white, but my sexuality is two fold. One, I am definitely asexual, I don’t call myself a Grey asexual, because there is no greyness over whether I am ace or not, but two, I don’t fit into the usual one size fits all heteroromantic because of my Grey areas, such as the passionate kissing with the tongue, bodies intertwined with clothes on that I like to enjoy, if I had a boyfriend and was in a monogamous, serious relationship. Until that time though, I don’t need to worry about that, and can focus on my career and helping other aces to grow and be comfortable and confident with their own asexuality.

This is what I am going to be talking about in my new ‘Asexual Perspectives, Love Life and Sex, ACElebration of Diversity’ book, that I have interviewed now around 40 asexuals for, who will appear in the book. That there are so many different perspectives within the variations of the asexual spectrum, that each one is valid and that even stereotypes within the asexual community exist, as well as the stereotypes that society gives to asexuals, such as we all want platonic friendships/relationships – whilst this is true that some do, some don’t! And we all have different experiences in our asexual journey, that we can share to help others, rather than being confined, we can come out!

If you like this blog, please subscribe and leave a comment, and I will catch you on the next blog post next week!

Sandra x