Sandra Bellamy Author Of Asexual Perspectives Personal Asexuality Journey Interview On Freestyle Your Life Podcast

Freestyle Your Life Podcast

I am so happy to have been interviewed on the Freestyle Your Life (FLY) Podcast about my personal asexual journey and about asexuality. My asexual journey has been a transformational one.

My Discovery:

In March/April 2014 I discovered I am a heteroromantic asexual. I am attracted to guys romantically not sexually. I don’t get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sexual intercourse. I love kissing especially and cuddling, but not sex. Yes, I had sex in the past because I thought I had to as part of a ‘normal’ relationship, as we are all conditioned to believe since birth. Yes, I did say conditioned, but sex is not for everyone. Love without sex, does exist. One of my asexual friends is getting married to his asexual partner next month and I couldn’t be more happy for them.

More About Me:

If you are new to this website and blog and you didn’t already know, I am the Author of this beautifully insightful book about Asexuality, called Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity. So if you want to read more about my personal asexual story you can read about it in my book here https://amzn.to/2YEGD2y Or here if you live in the USA https://amzn.to/30nTarT Or worldwide at https://www.sellfy.com/quirkybooks.net or you can order the paperback version from all good book shops around the globe under Quirky Books – yes, that’s my own publishing imprint.

 

Asexual Perspectives print book
Author Sandra Bellamy With Her Asexual Perspectives Paperback Book.

I am also the founder of this site and www.asexualiseacademy.com

I design and sell merchandise for asexuals on Amazon and Redbubble

I also live stream daily on my www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife channel.

My Freestyle Your Life Podcast Interview:

My podcast interview with Freestyle Your Life, goes live on Tuesday 9th July 2019 on ITunes, Stitcher and Spotify. It will be available to listen to from midnight on 8th of July, so you can listen to it on the 9th, no matter what country you are in. I had a lot of synergy with this presenter as she is all about being your true authentic self, no matter what, and has a hugely powerful personal story of overcoming adversity herself.

These are the links where my episode, (episode 26), will be live to listen to from the 9th of July 2019!

This is the exact link to my specific episode: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep026-how-to-embrace-your-quirky-asexuality-sandra/id1458343184?i=1000443926237

https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/freestyleyourlife-podcast

You can find my episode on Spotify at number 26!

Podcast

I hope you enjoy listening to it!

As always, stay ace.

Sandra xx

 

HOW TO GET YOUR ASEXUAL QUESTIONS ANSWERED AT THE FLICK OF A PAGE!

Asexual Perspectives
Asexual Perspectives: 47 Asexual Stories: Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity.

I get many asexuals asking me in private messages about various aspects of asexuality and there seems to be a lot of confusion surrounding what makes a person asexual. It would seem that the more questions I get asked, the more I keep referring to my book, and it would seem that maybe people just don’t realise how much valuable information and advice there is within my Asexual Perspectives book, or that pretty much most questions can be answered by reading this book!

Asexual Perspectives is no ordinary Asexual book. It is made up of real asexuals, who tell their very own thoughts and intimate personal details to help you. It is written in their language, in their dialect, and it explains what asexuals really think about sexual attraction and what it means to them. It explains what they believe is the difference between sexual attraction and sexual desire, and the difference between sexual attraction and arousal. It explains how aromantics feel that friendship is not valued enough, and how hard it can be when all of your friends are pairing off and having a family. It explains asexuals views on masturbation, BDSM, kinks and porn, and whether they take part or not. This is a book that already assumes you are asexual, or have a good idea of what asexuality is. It gets down to the nitty gritty of what causes the confusion about being asexual, about other asexuals on the spectrum and is educational, informative and even entertaining in parts!! It deals with serious ace issues, in a way that is relatable, with doses of humour here and there.

I interviewed Asexuals from across the spectrum and living in various places around the globe. From teenagers to the more mature aces, the age range is as diverse as the book. I read the reviews of other Asexual books on Amazon, before I started writing this one. The criticism was, there was not enough real life asexual stories – asexuals telling their own experiences, thoughts and feelings, about ace matters, and how it personally affects them. I was prompted to write this book because I was told I could not identify as a heteroromantic, Grey A, on AVEN, because I was not the text book Grey A definition, because I did not experience sexual attraction! I am not the only one who has been told they cannot identify like they do!! So in my book I address this and redefine Grey A as I see it. This book has asexuals offering advice to other asexuals, it explains other’s mistakes, to help you not to make the same ones. It really is an ace book!!

For those of you who need lots of asexual questions answered – the answers are in this book!! This book took me almost a whole year to write, it is a big book, that pacts an ace punch, I hope you will learn as much about asexuality across the spectrum, as I did writing it!

You can get Asexual Perspectives here: http://amzn.to/2qVfCeS

Until next time, stay ace!

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5 STAR BOOK REVIEW FOR ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES ON AMAZON: 47 ASEXUAL STORIES: LOVE, LIFE and SEX ACElebration of ASEXUAL DIVERSITY

Asexual Perspectives Book
Asexual Perspectives: 47 Asexual Stories: Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity.
I’ve had an amazing 5 Star book review for Asexual Perspectives on Amazon.
Top Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars – before there was the relative wealth of information and acknowledgement that there is today – I think this book is a great idea
By David1879 on 10 Mar. 2017
Verified Purchase
I’m writing this as someone who realised and rationalised his own asexuality a while back, before there was the relative wealth of information and acknowledgement that there is today – I think this book is a great idea and could be beneficial for many reasons. A few of the contributors have found ways to explain in such relatable terms, something that may be a struggle to put across to somebody who may be unfamiliar of asexuality. Any young people who may feel unsure of themselves or those just beginning to explore the possibility that they may be asexual should find something that rings true to them in this book. I’m sure it will be a helpful tool to them, showing them that many others have had this experience. Or allowing them to find a way to tell a friend or family member with clarity that ‘I am ace, and what that means is…’.
And for older aces, or even those just curious about asexuality- taken as a collection of experiences, it’s interesting to discover the common ground and massive variations across all the entries. For some it’s an intrinsic part of their personality and for others it’s a mundane fact they barely give a thought to.
If it had been around when I was younger it would have provided a certain amount of relief to come across this book and I hope it will do that for others now it’s here.
I have also changed my book cover wording to now read  Asexual Perspectives: 47 Asexual Stories: Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity. ( I added the stories part.)
To buy from Amazon UK: http://amzn.to/2mQcAoL
To buy from Amazon USA: http://amzn.to/2mBzj7u

WHY I WROTE ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES, LOVE, LIFE AND SEX, ACElebration OF ASEXUAL DIVERSITY BOOK!

Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories book and Author Sandra Bellamy

If you did not already know. I have written and published a book for Asexuals called Asexual Perspectives, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity. I interviewed 46 asexuals around the globe for it about what they really think of love, life and sex, in order to create more understanding across the spectrum, and especially after I was told in a forum on Aven that I could not identify as I describe myself because I did not fit into the definition of Grey A as they saw it. Other asexuals approached me and said they too felt left out and that they were told they could not be who they are. As a minority group, I felt so appalled that some asexuals treat other asexuals in this manner and felt compelled to write a book that showed although we share a lack of asexual attraction, just how much we vary in our experiences, our likes, needs, wants and dislikes. I want our diversity to be embraced, not torn apart.

Asexual Perspectives came out on Kindle last month and the printed version will be available soon. It took me almost a year to write it and I hope it helps a lot of asexuals to understand that there are others just like us out there and that we can be ourselves and love without sex, live without sex and be happy without sex. I also wanted to find out just what sexual attraction means to different aces on the spectrum and why they feel that asexuality is not accepted as a form of sexual orientation in its own right by society and what they think can be done about this.

This is the link to it on http://amzn.to/2l8PaGu You can get it on Amazon stores across the globe, so you can just click the option in the top right of your screen to view it on your country’s site. It is free to read on Kindle Unlimited at the moment and you can read my own personal story just from the look inside preview. You can also read most of another personal story from a person in this group…

This is the description:

In broad terms Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, but what does this actually mean for those who identify with this sexual orientation? And what do asexuals really think of love, life and sex?

Whilst all asexuals have one thing in common – the lack of sexual attraction towards a specific person, we are all different in our likes, needs, wants and dislikes. This can make fitting into the asexual spectrum and finding a suitable relationship difficult.

Right now, there are a number of myths about asexuality and stereotypes – even within the asexual community, about what asexuals do and do not like, should and should not do, and these need to be addressed and broken through!

If you identify as asexual do you –

Struggle to have a voice in this sexualized world?
Feel alone?
Misunderstood?
Misplaced?
Broken?
Left out?
Not recognised?
Have no one to relate to?
Find it difficult to find others like you?
Feel like everyone is speaking a foreign language where sex is concerned?

Or are you unsure of your identity and sometimes get confused and you want to know what asexuals really think of Love, Life and Sex, and what experiences they have had or are having; and how they manage their relationships? If so, then look no further than this book. In this book you will discover asexuals who feel just like you.

In this book I will reveal my own asexual perspective and personal story as well as perspectives from 46 asexuals around the globe; dispelling myths and breaking stereotypes; sharing their own personal journey to help you in yours and with a surprising over-riding message!

In this book you will:

•Learn the asexual perspectives of Aromantics; Heteroromantics; Homoromantics; Panromantics; Grey Aces; Demi-sexual; Biromantic; Agender; Transgender; Polyamorous and many more.

•Uncover Asexuals’ deepest fears, concerns and worries about being asexual.

•Find out possible reasons why, in general, society does not accept asexuality as a sexual orientation in its own right and what we can do about this to change the world!

•Discover what asexuals really believe are the differences between sexual attraction, sexual desire and arousal.

•Find out what asexuals really think of nudity; porn; masturbation; BDSM and kinks.

•Discover what it feels like to have sex as an asexual and how to cope with the sexualized world that we live in.

•Find out what asexuals think about living together, about marriage and about having kids.

•Discover what an ideal asexual relationship would look like and whether asexuals believe a relationship with a sexual would be fair or not.

•Uncover the positives about being asexual.

•Find out what advice asexuals would give to a younger version of themselves regarding asexuality and what advice they would give to others who are just discovering they may be asexual.

I feel truly blessed that all interviewees have been willing to open up and share their most intimate moments, thoughts, feelings and emotions with you. What you are about to read is unique, amazing, interesting, sometimes candidly humorous, fascinating and insightful. This is their story, now it’s their time to tell it.

If you have resonated with any of these points and you want to know more, please invest in this book.
Heteroromantic, Author Sandra Bellamy is the founder of www.asexualise.com, with products, resources and services for asexuals. She sees herself as an ambassador for asexuality and is on a mission to get asexuality recognised as a sexual orientation in its own right throughout the globe so that no asexual has to live in fear of ridicule ever again. By purchasing this book you will gain a deeper understanding of this often misunderstood sexual orientation and help to spread awareness of asexuality at the same time. We may be small in numbers, but we can still make a huge difference to the world at large and celebrate our diversity.

Feeling Alone In A Sexualised World!

Feeling alone is a sexualised world can be tough. I remember from a very young age that I hated the concept of doctors and nurses and felt invaded when I was put in that position by a boy at only 6 years of age. To me it wasn’t playing, it was disgusting, but I felt I had to oblige and then felt guilty about it for years afterwards, because I knew it was wrong, or a least it was to me!

I am not saying every asexual feels like this, but this is what I experienced and would still feel if I was put in that position today. The day I found out I am asexual I was amazed at the concept that love without sex existed and there was hope that finally I would meet a guy I can be romantic with, without him requesting or expecting sex from me. I could choose to decide never to have sex again and it was okay – ‘I don’t want it, don’t need it and not having it’, was like a breath of fresh air to me. It was like finally I don’t have to have sex. In the past I did, but not anymore. This is the true me, the real me. Don’t get me wrong, I do class myself as a Grey A, not because I ever want sex, like the stereotypical Grey A is boxed and labeled to be – yes, even asexuals get stereotyped or so closely defined that there may not be an exact tick box that you fit, but you decide what you feel most comfortable with describing you. But because I think I am a bit of an asexy kissing seducer with clothes on! But this is it, clothes come off? No thank you. It doesn’t excite me to get my clothes off and I don’t find the naked body appealing, although I do like my own naked body, particularly my top half and yes, as a heteroromantic I only get attracted to guys and if I were to see a part of my ace boyfriend naked, if I had a boyfriend, which I don’t, it would be his arms and shoulders that I would like to see, and at best his chest naked – I get attracted to a guy’s face and frame, not his dangly bits!

Now I realise if you are reading this and not a Grey A asexual, that some of the things I just mentioned to do with my Grey A bits, may be too asexy – or even considered too sexual for you, particularly the word ‘excited’, like if she is ace why would she like to get physically excited, but I do like to get naturally excited through kissing. I don’t think sex is a natural way to get excited, as least not for me, I don’t enjoy it, it hurts, and you have to put a lot of work into it, to get not much out of it, a few bits of cuming/climaxing, or whatever you want to call it – some liquid squirts out, is that it? What’s satisfying about that! Just like masturbation does nothing for me in terms of real excitement and I find it personally quite yucky as it makes me feel sick! Even though I can see how it can get addictive – that is also why I like to call myself a Grey A. The ironic thing is, I usually don’t like grey areas, I usually like everything to be black and white, but my sexuality is two fold. One, I am definitely asexual, I don’t call myself a Grey asexual, because there is no greyness over whether I am ace or not, but two, I don’t fit into the usual one size fits all heteroromantic because of my Grey areas, such as the passionate kissing with the tongue, bodies intertwined with clothes on that I like to enjoy, if I had a boyfriend and was in a monogamous, serious relationship. Until that time though, I don’t need to worry about that, and can focus on my career and helping other aces to grow and be comfortable and confident with their own asexuality.

This is what I am going to be talking about in my new ‘Asexual Perspectives, Love Life and Sex, ACElebration of Diversity’ book, that I have interviewed now around 40 asexuals for, who will appear in the book. That there are so many different perspectives within the variations of the asexual spectrum, that each one is valid and that even stereotypes within the asexual community exist, as well as the stereotypes that society gives to asexuals, such as we all want platonic friendships/relationships – whilst this is true that some do, some don’t! And we all have different experiences in our asexual journey, that we can share to help others, rather than being confined, we can come out!

If you like this blog, please subscribe and leave a comment, and I will catch you on the next blog post next week!

Sandra x