What Do Asexuals Do With All That Time They’re Not Having Sex?

Sex seems like a big deal and important thing to many people in this highly sexualised world. It is often given huge priority in the media we consume; the news stories we read, the music we listen to, the movies, TV Programmes and adverts we watch, and the magazine and new articles we read. And if you can’t physically have sex, there is often a pill for you to consume to ‘fix’ the physical problem – where’s the psychological support and the assurance that if you can’t get it up, it’s okay – you are still worthy of love, just for being beautiful you?

It seems there is no getting away from it, that sex is what is on the minds of a lot of people, and whilst those who have a physical ‘problem’ are always SOLD ways to fix it and them, there are also people who identify as asexual in sexual orientation. Unlike impotency, many asexuals have the physical capacity to have sex, but simple don’t want it, aren’t bothered about it, don’t wish to instigate it, or to have it. To many asexuals it seems like the world is an alien one, with a lack of understanding; I just don’t like, want, or need sex, ever, and like being that way, so accept it, embrace it, and a NEW way of thinking that stretches the possibilities of your mind and helps you dive deeper into mostly unchartered territory that is usually graced by asexuals, rather than the aliens themselves.

Although some asexuals do have sex, there are many who don’t, and there are a million and one things asexuals would rather be doing instead of having sex! So with the asexuals who don’t partake in sex at all, what do they fill that time with, that most conventional people would be busy using to think about; watch, read, or have, sex?

This list in not exhaustive and not everything applies to every asexual, including me, but is a general list from observation of talking with asexuals both online and in person, from being on asexual dating sites for 4 years, from seeing forum posts and social media posts, and from running 5 asexual groups.

Education, course taking, and more course taking.
Reading books.
Playing with their cat (or other furry kids).
Playing a lot of games; online games, games in forum threads, and board games.
Playing video games, video games, and more video games, (it deserved its own bullet point!)
Travelling abroad and on day trips in their own country.
Hanging out with friends both in person and in online forums.
Hiking.
Camping.
Sport.
Eating – we love our food! (Hence the cake is better than sex joke in the Asexual Community!)
Creative pursuits such as making things out of wood, glass, textiles.
Writing.
Photography.
Singing.
Dancing.
Netflix and binge watching TV.
Going to the cinema.
Superhero film watching and horror (I watch the former, not the latter – but horror is popular among many asexuals!)
Watching Sci-fi programmes.
Listening to music.
YouTube Presenting.
Podcasting.
Asexual activism and fighting other causes.
Discussing what we would rather be doing instead of having sex and that we simply don’t get the big deal that many make out of it!