I was interviewed by Catana @TransformationalArtWithCatana about how Asexuality completely transformed my life! “I love kissing but not sex.”
It all started in 2014, when I went to see a counsellor, because I was worried that I wanted a relationship and liked kissing and romance, but I didn’t like sex, and she told me, “I’m worried about you, because if you want a good guy, you will need to have sex to keep him.”
I was absolutely horrified!
This was the worst thing I could have been told…
I thought to myself, how can any guy be good for me, if they want me to do something to me, that I don’t want to do?
To me, that’s like giving a guy a license to rape me – and that’s not happening.
It meant she was telling me I can’t get love without sex, and that my only value and worth of being in a relationship with a “good” guy, is based on if I have sex with him or not!
Not only is this sending a very dangerous message to me and anyone who is counselled by her…
… it’s the equivalent of saying that anyone who doesn’t have sex, cannot get a “good” guy, so they can’t have a “good” relationship, and aren’t worthy of love.
So what happens to all the people who are not asexual, but who can’t have sex because their disability or special needs, makes it impossible to do that and too painful???
What happens to all the impotent people in the world who can’t have sex???
Do these people also, not deserved to be loved without sex?
Do the they just end up with “bad” guys, because having sex, somehow changes a bad guy into a good guy???
I don’t think so. If they are a bad guy, having sex with them is not going to make them good.
What a load of bullshit.
And if people measure how much they are loved in a relationship by the amount of sex they are or are not having, they are valuing their own worth on how much contact they have with another person’s genitals, which they can’t control, – so there’s no wonder there are high divorced rates, broken relationships, and people feeling unloved and worthless.
So I went back home and Googled “I love kissing but not sex” and this is what happened next…
Listen closely to this until the end, and I am sure you will see how being asexual can be the best thing you ever discover about yourself, and create so many amazing life transformations, to truly enhance and empower your asexual life xx
As asexuality is a sexual orientation largely based on a lack of sexual attraction, it can be hard to make our own voice heard.
Especially as sexual stereotypes and societal conditioning tell everyone that it’s natural to like, want, and need sex, and that anyone who says otherwise must be lying or have something wrong with them.
People tend to discard what they don’t understand.
They tend to disregard what is considered as “not” normal.
And they tend to feel extremely uncomfortable when something doesn’t fit in with their ideology.
But I encourage you to always stand proud of who you are, and to stop listening to what other people say, that drowns out the sound of your own voice.
Asexuals have as much right to speak out about how they think and feel, including if they don’t like, want, or need sex, and have the right to be taken seriously.
Just because asexuality is a minority sexuality, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong and not normal.
It’s normal for SOME people to not like, want, need, or get the urge for, partnered sexual intercourse, ever.
Don’t let anyone blind you into believing we are all the same – because we are not.
There ARE people who never want sex, and that’s okay.
The only reason most people don’t speak out, is because other’s ridicule them and tell you, you can’t be who you are born to be.
I am here to show you, you can.
That your life is your own and that speaking up, in your own voice, is essential to live your own life dreams and no one else’s. Regardless of your sexuality.
That’s why I’m thrilled to be able to give a voice to the voiceless, and share my own asexual life journey of how I became known as The Asexual Entrepreneur and explain what it feels like to be asexual in this highly sexualised world, and how to live your asexual dreams and be your true authentic self, no matter what, on the Dreams ARE Real podcast.
Don’t miss this ACE episode by listening through either of the links below, now, and tell me what you think…
I thought that I would do a review of a book written by Sandra Bellamy regarding asexuality. She has written a few books (I’ll likely review others) and is currently writing another as I write this, which should hopefully be available soon. The book I shall discuss today is “Asexual Perspectives, 47 Asexual Stories” with […]
In broad terms, asexuality is a sexual orientation that is based on the lack of sexual attraction. This means we don’t get the need, urge, or want, for partnered sexual intercourse.
Sexual attraction = being sexually attracted towards a specific person/people.
Sexual desire = desiring the sex itself.
Arousal = a feeling in your genitalia.
Asexuality is also a spectrum, ranging from those who experience zero sexual attraction, known as a “pure” asexual, to those do experience sexual attraction, only under limited, rare, or specific circumstances, or who experience it, but not enough to want to act on it – known as a “grey” asexual.
Some asexuals are sex repulsed and will never have sex and hate it, others are sex neutral and don’t care whether they have sex or not. Others are sex positive and will/do have sex.
Some asexuals hate porn and will never watch it.
Other asexuals do watch porn.
Some asexuals masturbate.
Others asexuals feel sick at the idea of masturbation and it makes them want to throw up – just like some sex repulsed asexuals want to throw up when they hear the word sex.
Some asexuals are into BDSM – even without sex.
Other asexuals can’t stand BDSM and they want to run mile even hearing those words.
So, my friend Sandra, as well as writing Asexual Perspectives and other books, also has a YouTube channel, where she discusses, among other things, asexuality, relationships, self development and personal improvement. She often has livestreams on the channel. These can vary in duration from around 20-25 minutes up to a couple of hours, dependent on […]
As I’m a personally sex repulsed asexual who also has nudity repulsion, I try to find movies to watch that have no sex in them and no nudity, and I am pleased to say that BEE MOVIE fits this criteria. (Warning spoilers to follow.)
Not only does it have no sex and no nudity, it also appears to have an asexual character who ends up choosing a relationship with a BEE over a “charming” human guy – who is far from charming but thinks he is, and is meant to be the type of guy who is popular with the women – but not this woman, who is a florist.
This no sex movie starts off with Barry the Bee graduating and about to get his first and last job for life, in the nectar/honey factory.
But when Barry realises he is expected to do the same job for life, alarms bells start ringing and Barry knows there must be more to life than just doing the same job over and over again for years. His dad used to be a stirrer and he stirred so much that he couldn’t stop stirring when he came home. Barry doesn’t want to end up like his dad and in what he sees is a dead end job for life. But his parents want and expect him to carry on the family Bee tradition and make them proud by working in the factory.
But it’s not long before Barry meets the pollen jocks whose job it is to go outside the factory to cross pollinate the flowers and one day he goes out with them to get some work experience and ends up flying into someone’s home by accident.
This is where he meets the florist who already appears to have this “charming” guy as her boyfriend – or he at least wants to be her boyfriend, and he wants to kill the bee, but she saves Barry’s life and then he goes back afterwards and commits a bee sin – he speaks to a human.
Then they end up dating. They understand each other, eat together, touch fingers, enjoy each other’s company, have great conversations, work well as a team and have lots in common and a great foundation of friendship. It’s an asexual match made in heaven. Their attraction is not of a sexual nature, but is a little romantic and platonic too. They have a deep fondness for each other and great animation chemistry.
Barry discovers that humans are stealing and selling honey and nectar for a profit and the bees are getting nothing for it, not even royalties, but are working like slaves to produce it. So he decides to sue the humans and to take them to court and wins.
He recalls all of the nectar and honey back to the factory and the factory has more than it knows what to do with, but with no where else for it to go, the factory has to stop producing any more and all the bees stop work and just don’t do much besides sun themselves.
Then… Barry admits to the florist he made a mistake when she points out that all the flowers are dying because there is no pollination or cross-pollination now the pollen jocks and the rest of the bees are no longer working, and the florist goes on her way to see the final flower show, before those last flowers die, and after she had to close her shop due to there being no more flowers.
Then Barry has an idea…
If they can bring some of those flowers back to the factory, they can cross-pollinate them and bring the other flowers back to life and start the cycle of plant and fruit life back up again.
So the florist and Barry steel the Princess and the Pea float at the festival, bust it out of the festival, go along the motorway and board a plane with the rose flowers from it.
But… the plane is going to be delayed by 2 hours due to bad weather and the roses are going to die and it’s their only hope to save the bee species and bring plant and fruit life back to the world.
So Barry goes to talk to the pilot about the delay… who then tries to kill him, and in the process the co-pilot gets knocked unconscious and then the pilot does too, and Barry has to get the florist to fly the plane while he tries to direct her with what to do…
Soon they realise the autopilot has been flying the plane, not the florist, and they feel hopeless…
But all the other bees come together – the Pollen Jocks fly up to the plane to manually take over landing it and the other bees create a flower target for landing the plane.
Once the plane has landed the Pollen Jocks promote Barry to be officially one of them and they cross pollinate the flowers and bring all the others flowers back to life and the factory starts up again, and Barry realises how important the work is of the bees and that small actions can lead to big results.
The florist reopens her shop with Barry and his name is on the shop signage, they sell bee approved nectar from it and Barry does legal services in the back of the shop as well as working as a pollen jock and using the factory to help fill shop orders.
And they live happily ever after… with the exception of the guy who wanted to be the florist’s boyfriend – but instead Barry bee won her heart for life.
And if you want to watch more movies without sex or nudity in them, watch my entire – no sex movie no sex film reviews playlist here https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6sdIToxIi4dKvfaZf_YFraYqEMyGEzLV or click through the video below and don’t forget to subscribe to my channel and hit the bell icon, so you never miss an episode.
As always, stay ACE and BEE kind to yourself and others – BEEcause you’re ACE.
Even in the 21st century, asexuality is still not heard of by many heterosexuals, and is still deeply misunderstood.
In this post, we will discuss 5 misconceptions and misinformation about asexuality, and what the truth actually is.
Misconception And Misinformation About Asexuality Number 1:
Asexuals are people who want to be alone 😔
Whilst it is true that some asexuals like to spend time on their own, most likely because those asexuals are introverted and/or have social anxiety, other asexuals don’t like to be alone.
Saying a blanket statement that asexuals are people who want to be alone, is simply not true, asexuality is a sexual orientation. 🙄
Misconception And Misinformation About Asexuality Number 2:
Asexuals are people who have never had sex 😔
Whilst it’s true that some asexuals have never had sex and never will, this is not what makes someone asexual.
Asexuality is a sexual orientation that is based on a lack of sexual attraction, not a lack of action. 🙄
Misconception And Misinformation About Asexuality Number 3:
Asexuals are people who can’t get laid. 😔
Whilst I absolutely personally hate the term getting laid, what I hate more, is this statement implies people who are asexual are not able to get someone to have sex with them because they are unattractive. Because people associate not being able to get anyone to have sex with them (getting laid), as a sign of unattractiveness, which is utter bulls*it.
A person who is asexual, is not deemed to be so based on whether they can get someone to have sex with them or not, it’s based on if they experience little to no sexual attraction or not. Many asexuals have lots of offers of sex, but many are repulsed by the idea. Asexuals are still beautiful even if they don’t want sex. 🙄
Misconception And Misinformation About Asexuality Number 4:
Asexuals are people who abstain from sex. 😔
Whilst some asexuals abstain from sex, abstinence is not the same as asexuality.
Those who abstain from sex, are doing so out of choice.
Asexuality is not a choice, it’s a sexual orientation. 🙄
Misconception And Misinformation About Asexuality Number 5:
Asexuals are people who are celibate. 😔
Asexuality is not the same as celibacy.
Unlike those who are choosing to be celibate and are stop themselves from having sex as they try to resist their urges for it, asexuality is not a choice, and asexuals are not people who are forcing themselves to refrain from having sex. As they don’t experience the usual sexual attraction, they don’t usually have the need, urge, or want, for partnered sexual intercourse in the first place, so they are not forcing themselves to not do something, which they have no need or ‘urge’ to do. 🙄
So a question I see cropping up a lot in internet search results is, what does it feel like to be asexual?
There is no one single way to answer this as there is not one way of being asexual. There are so many different types of asexuals across the spectrum of asexuality sexual orientation, that to give a single answer to this question and you think that’s it, would not give a true picture. There are also too many types of asexuals to include in this post. However, here are some ways it feels like to be asexual:
Some asexuals don’t experience romantic attraction at all, these people are called aromantic asexuals (aro-ace). These people may feel romance repulsion, or just have no idea what everyone is talking about in terms of romance, as to them, romance is a foreign language. So they may feel left out of those conversations. They may feel sad that romance is such a big deal in society and that not enough importance is given to platonic relationships.
Some asexuals are romantic only in limited, rare, or specific circumstances, or they feel romantic attraction but not enough to want to act on it. They are called grey romantic asexuals. These people are also on the aromantic spectrum, and so will likely feel similar to aromantic asexuals, but in essence they can feel a little romance, so are less likely to feel romance repulsion and more likely to consider a relationship of some sort but most likely won’t experience romantic attraction enough to want to be in a romantic relationship that often, or at all.
Cupioromantic asexuals desire a romantic relationship despite not experiencing romantic attraction. They are on the aromantic spectrum of the asexuality spectrum. Cupioromantics often have a strong desire and need to pursue and/or be in a romantic relationship. Some can feel very frustrated that they don’t actually feel romance and it can feel upsetting for them. Others can just have a strong need or desire for a romantic relationship but they are still happy to be single. And for other cupioromantics they can want a romantic relationship but the lack of romantic attraction makes it very difficult for them to achieve that.
A demiromantic asexual is someone on the aromantic spectrum of the asexuality spectrum, who can only experience romantic attraction once, and not until, a deep emotional bond has been formed. This is usually very hard for them to achieve and the fact they don’t experience any romantic attraction otherwise, means they usually feel like aromantic asexuals in the sense they will often form close platonic friendships and not naturally feel romance for someone. They will usually be open to have a romantic relationship and may even seek one, but not achieve the feelings of romance for someone. This can be very frustrating for the person who has fallen in romantic love with them, because they might never feel the same way back for them, or it could take years to achieve it.
The romantic asexuals; such as biromantic asexual who is attracted to 2 genders or sexes, the panromantic asexual who is attracted to multiple genders or sexes, and homoromantic asexual who is attracted to the same gender or sex, and heteroromantic – who is romantically attracted to the opposite gender or sex, their feelings of romance can range from intense (such as hyper-romantic) with a strong need for romance and lots of it in their life, as well as a romantic relationship, and will often see things in a romantic way that others may not, to those who desire a romantic relationship but who have less of a need for romance in their life. Many romantic asexuals will really want love without sex in a relationship, and find it very frustrating and upsetting that almost everyone in society centres relationships around sex and disappointed that society associates not only sex with love, but romance with sex. They can feel a strong desire to kiss, cuddle, and hold hands and be physically close in some way with their partner, without the sex. They can feel like they don’t want to be on their own when they are older and die alone, and really crave closeness and affection without the sex. They can feel afraid to be alone their whole life and never find a partner; this is especially true for sex repulsed asexuals.
As asexuals in broad terms, have a lack of sexual attraction in common, it drives us crazy that a relationship is valued by society on how much sex you are having within it. We feel sad about this, as we don’t naturally feel a need, urge, or want, for sex, and we can live, love, and be happy without sex forever. We can feel like an alien in a foreign world, with people (sexuals), speaking a foreign language that we don’t understand or relate to. Growing up can feel lonely, depressing, and upsetting, like you are an outcast and don’t belong. But it can also be a relief to not have to focus our life around sex, and we can have lots of projects on the go at once and many different interests, which means we can get a lot done with all that sex we’re not having, and be creative and/or active in some way. We can often like the more sweet, innocent parts of a relationship, like you would have in the earlier part of a relationship before sex gets in the way, and you are expected to perform. When we kiss and touch, for some asexuals we may feel aroused, and others asexuals feel no arousal at all. When I kissed a guy in a club for almost an hour and had no arousal, it felt like a wooden clog down there! Nothing! All the sensation was purely in the mouth, with the lips and tongue. It’s quite a weird feeling from down below, but the kissing was still enjoyable for me. Many asexuals prefer cuddling to kissing.
Asexuality is a spectrum, and there are Grey asexuals who experience sexual attraction, under limited, rare, or specific circumstances, or who experience it, but not enough to want to act on it. For these asexuals, they are often somewhere between asexual and sexual and can feel lost and like they are caught between a rock and a hard place, neither fully fitting in society with asexuals or sexuals. It can be very difficult to find anyone for a suitable relationship because they can all have very different limits and boundaries where physical touching, likes, and dislikes are concerned.
I hope this blog article has helped you to understand more about what does it feel like to be asexual.
The number one tell-tale sign you might be asexual is, you never look at anyone and think, “I want sex with you!”
When kissing you either don’t see much point other than a peck, or for you, the pleasure is in the kissing, rather than the sex itself.
You might like foreplay, masturbation, in preference to sex, or you might like none of that and just like a good cuddle.
When everyone started talking about boys, girls, sex and relationships at school, you never thought about having sex, and you might have never even thought about having a relationship with anyone.
If you thought/think about having a relationship, intimacy was/is kissing, cuddling, and holding hands, not sex.
While everyone is fascinated by the body and looking at it in a sexual way, you’re more fascinated with the person’s eyes, the way they smile, what jewellery they are wearing, and what clothes they have on.
While everyone is talking about making out, you’re talking about putting the trash out, playing video games, watching movies and anime.
When you invite someone over for Netflix and chill, you really do mean watch Netflix and chill, not let’s get together on the sofa/go to bed and have sex.
To you, a bed is meant for sleep not for sex.
When you say let’s have a cuddle, you really do mean a cuddle, not sex.
You get fed up with all the sex on TV and in movies, and the overall sexualisation of things in society.
Sex either does nothing for you if you do have it, and/or you never ‘need’ it.
This list is by no means exhaustive, there are so many signs you may be asexual, far more than 12. If you want to know what other signs to look out for that someone might be asexual, check out my Asexual Perspectives book, because in this book there are 47 real life asexual stories and you can see what it’s really like to be asexual, rather than just be told textbook definitions of what it’s like to be asexual and you can see what it’s like to be asexual in everyday life. Get your copy now here – https://amzn.to/3kZDVka
I don’t want any asexual to feel alone this year and into the next and beyond. I want you to know I am here for you. So join me tonight, soon, at 11.50pm GMT, for a live online asexual chat party! On my Asexualise Asexual channel chat show here www.youtube.com/asexualisemyasexuallife
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