10 Common Myths About Asexuals and Asexuality – BUSTED!

Myths about asexuals and asexuality

There are many common myths about asexuals and asexuality. Some due to ignorance, some due to closed mindedness and others are just outright confused, which I put largely down to a lack of education and societal conditioning! So here are 10 Common myths about asexuals and asexuality – busted!

  1. Asexuals never have sex – Simply not true. Some asexuals never have sex and others choose to do it or try it, for whatever reason. This could be to please a partner; to do it as an activity to do, which they may even find fun, like a bored game; or to have kids.
  2. If asexuals don’t have sex, then they never masturbate! – Not true! Whilst some asexuals don’t ever masturbate, other’s do, because they do have a libido, despite it not being aimed at any one, as they don’t experience sexual attraction.
  3. Asexuals are asexual because they “can’t get laid” – Not true. Asexuals can have sex if they want to, many don’t want to as they are not sexually attracted to anyone and so sex does not appeal to them. However, some asexuals do have sex and I am asexual and had sex in the past with some of my heterosexual ex boyfriends. I don’t want to have sex ever again, as these days I am personally sex-repulsed for me.
  4. Asexuals are just people who can’t get dates – Wrong. Many asexuals can get dates, but with sex usually expected at the end of the date, many asexuals would rather not bother. On the other hand, if sex is not on the table, then  a large number of sexuals won’t want to have a date with an asexual, (unless they believe we will change our mind about having sex if we previously said we don’t want it), because they want sex and it’s important that they get it, and if they don’t, there is a lower incentive for them to date an asexual – Even though we have got many awesome qualities and can make someone happy without sex, some sexuals need sex, and that is it!
  5. Asexuals never have any sexual behaviour! – Not true. Whilst some don’t exhibit any sexual behaviour, others do! Sometimes this is behind closed doors, such as masturbating themselves, or they may have oral sex, anal sex, or masturbate their partner! It may also be in front of others, such as dancing very sexily, like grinding!
  6. If someone is asexual then it means they are gay or lesbian – Wrong. Whilst asexuality is considered to be part of the LGBT+QIA acronym – the A standing for asexual, but some also consider it to stand for Allie, Agender or Androgynous , it does not mean all asexuals are gay and lesbian, in fact in terms of not being sexually attracted to anyone, gay or lesbian may be considered the wrong term to use for those who are attracted to the same gender, just not sexually. However, some asexuals may identify as a gay or lesbian asexual – for example a homoromantic; homo – meaning attracted to the same gender, romantic – meaning they are attracted romantically (to the same gender). And some asexuals like me, identify as heteroromantic. Hetero – meaning attracted to the opposite gender – romantically. It does annoy me when I say to someone I am asexual and they say, “So you’re a lesbian then” and I say, “No, I am attracted only to guys, but romantically, not sexually. I love to kiss, cuddle and hold their hand, but I don’t want sex with them as I don’t experience any sexual attraction. I have had sex in the past because I thought I had to, as part of a ‘normal’ relationship, before I found out I am asexual! I have gay and lesbian friends, but I am not a lesbian.”
  7. Asexuals never get attracted to anyone. Wrong again! Some asexuals, for example some aromantic asexuals – those who are neither romantically or sexually attracted to anyone, may not experience any type of attraction to anyone, others will likely experience platonic attraction. Many other types of asexuals do experience some form of attraction, even though it’s not sexual. So they could experience romantic attraction, aesthetic attraction, intelligence attraction, spiritual attraction, emotional attraction. And in my case I experience all those towards different guys, and I also experience creative attraction and clothes attraction. So I get super attracted to guys who are creative and making things and doing stuff. I also get attracted to guys wearing certain types of clothes, such as the ‘street’ look, or a black and white suit! And as part of my intelligence attraction, I get super attracted to guys who are into IT, and can build websites and code! With that attraction, coupled with romance and intelligence attraction, well I just want to snog (passionately kiss) the guy! I am a rare asexual in that I don’t experience any platonic attraction, which means I get some type of attraction for my close guy friends even, which can be rather annoying at times, as I don’t wish to feel romantic over a guy who is just a friend, but as I am also a hyper-romantic, I just have to let myself feel these feelings and accept they are a part of me. Resisting them makes things worse, so it’s best just to be open, upfront and honest about it. And no, I don’t want multiple partners as I am fiercely monogamous, not polyamorous. I would rather focus my attractions towards one romantic partner, if I had one.
  8. Asexuals never watch porn! This isn’t true either! Whilst there are asexuals, like me, who never ‘watch’ porn, in fact I personally detest it, I know some asexuals that do watch porn. Many asexuals who do this, say it helps them to masturbate, which they want to do, to relive their libido.
  9. Asexuals never participate in BDSM! Nope! This isn’t true! Some asexuals do participate in BDSM, just without the sexual intercourse. Some asexuals who do have sex, may participate in BDSM whilst also having sex. I personally hate BDSM and want to run a mile from anyone wanting to do that to/with me. Luckily not one heterosexual ex, ever even hinted at that.
  10. Asexuals never have any fetishes! Still wrong! Some asexuals do have fetishes. I have known a few asexual guys who have foot fetishes for example, which makes them want to massage a partner’s feet, and pay close attention to their feet, without the person putting their foot in their penis and stroking their penis with it – which apparently is what a sexual guy likes to do, if he has a foot fetish, or so I was told by one asexual guy, but as I don’t get involved with fetishes either, and I thankfully have not had a relationship in the past with a guy like this, which is my preference, then I have no hands on experience of this, if you pardon the pun!

At the end of the day, ALL asexuals are different and whatever they do or don’t like is up to them and it’s up to you! Our difference is our beauty and it’s more important to be a diverse group of people than copycats of others. There is no one size fits all, when it comes to being asexual or having asexuality as your sexual orientation and that’s ACE!

To quote Wikipedia, the full definition of asexuality is:

“Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity.[1][2][3] It may be considered a sexual orientation or the lack thereof.[4][5][6] It may also be categorized more widely to include a broad spectrum of asexual sub-identities.[7]”

If you want to discover more about these asexual myths and other myths and stereotypes of asexuality, check out my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity book on Amazon, here https://amzn.to/2nttgoD 

Until next time, always stay ACE!

And don’t forget to share this post for Asexual Awareness Week from Sunday 20th of October – Saturday 26th of October 2019, to educate others about asexuality!

Sandra xx

Asexual Perspectives Awareness Month Playlist #APAM

In case you missed any of my Asexual Perspectives Awareness Month videos in July – here is the playlist for the whole 31 videos in the series. You will not be disappointed, they are really insightful and helpful in understanding how others feel about asexuality and being able to relate your own experiences to them.

And it all started because I felt singled out in the asexual community, but now I feel very much central to asexuality and to my mission of getting asexuality recognised as a sexual orientation throughout the globe, so that no asexual has to live in fear of ridicule ever again.

Until next time, stay ace

Sandra xx

Awesome Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories 5 Star Book Review From Someone New To Asexuality!!!! #APAM

ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES 47 ASEXUAL STORIES

5 STAR BOOK REVIEW

Kerry July 26, 2017
Format: Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase

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Feeling Singled Out In The Asexual Community? We Should Celebrate Our Diversity! #APAM

Did you miss this?? #APAM Video One in my Asexual Perspectives Awareness Month series – A new video out every day for 31 days!!

Don’t miss any more, SUBSCRIBE http://www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallife 

Asexual Perspectives – Feeling Singled Out in the Asexual Community? We Should Celebrate Our Diversity!! #APAM When I was told by a member of Aven that I could not identify as a Heteroromantic Grey A, because I did not fit the ‘Grey A’ definition, I felt singled out. I had others private message me, that they were also told they could not identify themselves as they liked too. And that is what prompted me to write my Asexual Perspectives book, I thought we should be celebrating our diversity across the spectrum, not tearing each other apart. So in order to understand the huge spectrum of asexuals and the nature of asexuality more, and to bust through myths and stereotypes about asexuality, I thought we really need a book with a diverse range of asexuals all across the spectrum, to gain better understanding of the spectrum as a whole and celebrate our diversity!

SHOP FOR MY ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES BOOK HERE http://amzn.to/2l8kppt

Sign up for FREE to my Asexualise Your Asexual Life – What’s happening? Free Bi-monthly newsletter. By clicking this link – http://eepurl.com/bC7su5.

Find Asexualise T Shirts on Amazon.com at http://amzn.to/1TZKvVM

Find Asexualise T Shirts, hoodies, leggings, skirts, duvet covers, phone and laptop cases, mugs, stickers, art and bags, at http://www.redbubble.com/people/asexualise..

FIND ME ON FACEBOOK
http://www.facebook.com/acexualise or http://www.facebook.com/acexualisedating
http://www.facebook.com/groups/acefriendsrus
FIND ME ON TWITTER – http://www.twitter.com/asexualise

PLEASE SUBSCRIBE http://www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallife 

Official channel Asexualise Your Asexual Life: Empower And Enhance Your Asexual Life. Giving Asexuals a voice in the world. It is my mission to give asexuals a voice in the world; to empower other asexuals to be comfortable and confident with their asexuality; and to give insight into my colourful asexual life, to enable others to better understand their own and to know they are not alone. I want to educate others about asexuality, so that in the future, all asexuals can live in society happily.

I am Sandra Bellamy. I identify as a Heteroromantic, Grey A, Asexual (younger) Cougar, who personally does not like sex, marriage or kids. I run the Asexual Business, Gurus and Entrepreneurs group and Facebook, that is an open group exclusively for asexuals – putting business and asexuality firmly on the map together. I have a strong business side to my nature and a quirky teenager/ kid side.

ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES PAPERBACK UNBOXING VIDEO FROM A FAN #APAM

Asexual Perspectives Book

ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES PAPERBACK UNBOXING VIDEO FROM A FAN #APAM

In the video, is probably my biggest YouTube fan, and he is unboxing a copy of my Asexual Perspectives book, watch this video as he comes alive with the joy of receiving it!

Finally, the print paperback version of my 560 page Asexual Perspectives book is now available to buy on Amazon here http://amzn.to/2u1wp0O. Or UK site http://amzn.to/2tw739A

The Kindle version of my Asexual Perspectives book, you can get here http://amzn.to/2szjNJQ Or UK site is http://amzn.to/2u6vps7. Please leave a review on Amazon to help other asexuals and to raise more awareness of asexuality.

To celebrate this book going into print, our diversity across the spectrum, and our individuality within it, I founded Asexual Perspectives Awareness Month, 1st-31st of July 2017, #APAM. Like www.facebook.com/acexualise to join in the celebration fun and subscribe on www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallife to see a different video every day, for 31 days of #APAM, related to a topic from the book that matters to you and join in the conversation!!

ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES Book Proof Arrives! #APAM

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Asexual Perspectives book

It took me a year to interview for Asexual Perspectives book and write it, in the Kindle version, and a further 6 months to get it into print. I was super excited to receive my proof copies of Asexual Perspectives book this week!!

In time for #APAM, ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES AWARENESS MONTH which started on 1st July and goes on until 31st of July. Don’t forget for this special month there will be a new video every day for 31 days. Subscribe to Asexualise My Asexual Life at www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallife and like www.facebook.com/acexualise  to join in the fun.

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First Ever ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES AWARENESS MONTH #APAM: 1ST-31ST OF JULY 2017. ACElebration Of Asexual Diversity! Founded by Sandra Bellamy/Asexualise!

Ace Awareness Month
First Ever: ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES AWARENESS MONTH #APAM JULY 1ST-JULY 31ST 2017! ACElebration Of Asexual Diversity!

In conjunction with the printed version of my Asexual Perspectives book being published in print, to celebrate our diversity across the asexual spectrum, and our individuality within it – A central core message from the book – I have founded Asexual Perspectives Awareness Month from 1st-31st of July 2017. (Please use #APAM in your Tweets and social media to join in the celebration.) Like www.facebook.com/acexualise and www.facebook.com/acexualisedating and follow me on Twitter, at www.twitter.com/asexualise to join in the celebration. There will be quotes from the book, fun challenges you will want to get involved in, videos, Facebook Lives, posts and more!! Also subscribe to www.youtube.com/c/asexualisemyasexuallife to watch a new video every day for 31 days!

I love www.asexuality.org as I have made some great friends on there, I think it is an amazing community and I organise asexual meet-ups in my city of Exeter in the UK too. However, after being told in a forum thread  by a member of the community, that I could not identify as a heteroromantic Grey A – because I did not fit the Grey A definition as they saw it, I felt rejected and singled out by that individual, and other people said in a PM that they had had similar experiences. I thought this can’t be right, we should be celebrating our diversity across the spectrum and our individuality within it, not tearing each other apart – and this is what sparked the idea for my Asexual Perspectives book. I wanted to show just how wonderful our diverse spectrum is and get different points of views from across the spectrum, on love, life and sex, and to also bust through the many myths and stereotypes about asexuality, to give better understanding towards one another. (More recently, I even got told I could not identify as an asexual cougar by someone in my own Asexual Friends www.facebook.com/groups/acefriendsrus because they did not like the word cougar!!) I really hope this Asexual Perspectives Awareness Month, and this book, can bring us together more as a community!!

The printed version will be available to buy on Amazon next month 560 pages of acesomeness!! Here is the link to the Kindle version! http://amzn.to/2tPxFAJ

Asexual Perspectives
Asexual Perspectives: 47 Asexual Stories: Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity.