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What Is The Difference Between Having Sex And Making Love?

What is the difference between having sex and making love?

So you may be wondering as an asexual why I am talking about the difference between having sex and making love, well you will need to watch the video to find out, but all I can say is it seems many heterosexuals don’t understand the difference even. It took me ages to get it, and then the penny dropped!

If you are ever attempting to have a relationship with a sexual and you think you will even a tiny bit contemplate having sex at some point, this video is an absolute must watch for getting at least some satisfaction out of the experience – even if it’s not totally in the conventional sense!

Hope you find this video helpful, useful, and insightful? If you do, please subscribe to my channel, hit the thumbs up on this video, and hit the bell icon so you get notified of every time I post a new video or go live! And be sure to share this video with a friend or anyone who may benefit from it!

Until next time, stay ace

Sandra xx

What Do Asexuals Do With All That Time They’re Not Having Sex?

Sex seems like a big deal and important thing to many people in this highly sexualised world. It is often given huge priority in the media we consume; the news stories we read, the music we listen to, the movies, TV Programmes and adverts we watch, and the magazine and new articles we read. And if you can’t physically have sex, there is often a pill for you to consume to ‘fix’ the physical problem – where’s the psychological support and the assurance that if you can’t get it up, it’s okay – you are still worthy of love, just for being beautiful you?

It seems there is no getting away from it, that sex is what is on the minds of a lot of people, and whilst those who have a physical ‘problem’ are always SOLD ways to fix it and them, there are also people who identify as asexual in sexual orientation. Unlike impotency, many asexuals have the physical capacity to have sex, but simple don’t want it, aren’t bothered about it, don’t wish to instigate it, or to have it. To many asexuals it seems like the world is an alien one, with a lack of understanding; I just don’t like, want, or need sex, ever, and like being that way, so accept it, embrace it, and a NEW way of thinking that stretches the possibilities of your mind and helps you dive deeper into mostly unchartered territory that is usually graced by asexuals, rather than the aliens themselves.

Although some asexuals do have sex, there are many who don’t, and there are a million and one things asexuals would rather be doing instead of having sex! So with the asexuals who don’t partake in sex at all, what do they fill that time with, that most conventional people would be busy using to think about; watch, read, or have, sex?

This list in not exhaustive and not everything applies to every asexual, including me, but is a general list from observation of talking with asexuals both online and in person, from being on asexual dating sites for 4 years, from seeing forum posts and social media posts, and from running 5 asexual groups.

  • Education, course taking, and more course taking.
  • Reading books.
  • Playing with their cat (or other furry kids).
  • Playing a lot of games; online games, games in forum threads, and board games.
  • Playing video games, video games, and more video games, (it deserved its own bullet point!)
  • Travelling abroad and on day trips in their own country.
  • Hanging out with friends both in person and in online forums.
  • Hiking.
  • Camping.
  • Sport.
  • Eating – we love our food! (Hence the cake is better than sex joke in the Asexual Community!)
  • Creative pursuits such as making things out of wood, glass, textiles.
  • Writing.
  • Photography.
  • Singing.
  • Dancing.
  • Netflix and binge watching TV.
  • Going to the cinema.
  • Superhero film watching and horror (I watch the former, not the latter – but horror is popular among many asexuals!)
  • Watching Sci-fi programmes.
  • Listening to music.
  • YouTube Presenting.
  • Podcasting.
  • Asexual activism and fighting other causes.
  • Discussing what we would rather be doing instead of having sex and that we simply don’t get the big deal that many make out of it!

What would you like to add to the list? Comment below!

Until next time, stay ace!

Sandra xx

What it’s like dating when you are asexual! #asexuality #relationships #dating

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In September, I was featured in an Article on the Femedic website about what it’s like dating when you are asexual!

Here is the link to the full article https://thefemedic.com/sexual-health/what-like-dating-asexual/

Above is a video with me talking about it, that was a live stream recording!

I am really proud to be featured talking about asexuality dating. Since being a speaker at the UK Asexuality Conference, I am on the Asexuality.org (AVEN) Media and Speaker team, so very proud of that!

As always, stay ace

Sandra xx

What Activities Do Asexuals Do At Asexual Meetups?

What Activities Do Asexuals Do At Asexual Meetups?

What Activities Do Asexuals Do At Asexual Meetups?

If you didn’t already know, I hold asexual meetups in my city of Exeter, in the UK. I hold both national ones where people come from all over the UK to them, as well as local ones. The furthest someone has travelled so far is from Newcastle and it took him 11 hours on a coach and that was just one way – yep, he had to do that going home too!

So if you are looking for asexual meetup ideas and to know what type of thing is on offer at an asexual meetup, what activities do asexuals do at asexual meetups?

On the 8thof September 2018, I had an asexual meetup in my city (incidentally, none of the people who came lived in my city and 2 stayed in hotels), and 4 of us went VR Gaming (Virtual Reality Gaming). In this video I go behind the scenes of me doing VR Gaming, which I absolutely loved! I went on to achieve the highest overall group score of 9300, and for someone like me, who does not do gaming, I was very proud of myself! One of my asexual friends who did gaming after me, filmed me live! Here is that video:

I am also super excited, because on Sunday 18thof November, I will be having another asexual meetup and we are meeting at midday for lunch and going for a meal at a beautiful Chinese restaurant in my city called Tang Shian and at 5pm it’s the Christmas light switch on, and there will be live bands outdoors and other activities on to celebrate and the Christmas Market is open! Other meetup organisers have included going to Christmas markets too, at their meets.

We ate at that Chinese Restaurant, we we’re going to this Sunday, last time we had a meetup in my city.

Previous meets in my city included going to for a tour around Exeter Underground Passages, going to the history museum and going to a Harry Potter theme style bar in my city. Exeter Cauldron Inn – Mugglers Bar.  And here is someone doing a video tour of the whole place…


And many times we have met up for food, drink and chat, at a Wetherspoons pub, as they tend to cater to everyone’s dietary requirements.

And many times we have met up for food, drink and chat, at a Wetherspoons pub, as they tend to cater to everyone’s dietary requirements.

I know other meetups by other organisers have included trips abroad, picnics, a retro clothing shopping experience, movie and popcorn night, board games night, boat trips, and many other things. Different food and drinks outlets, such as restaurants, coffee shops, and other places, feature highly as favourite places to go to at many asexual meetups.

What asexual meetups have you been to, and what was your experience of them?

Until next time, stay ace!

Sandra xx

7 Year Anniversary Free From Abuse

7 Year Anniversary Free From Abuse

November 5th 2018, marked the 7 year anniversary of me being free from abuse, and to celebrate I went on a self-date to the cinema and saw Disney’s The Nutcracker and the Four Realms. Which was an amazing family film. It is very Christmassy, with magic, wonder, beautiful costumes and sets, and some nicely simple special effects that were great for the film. Here is the trailer:

My ex was verbally, emotionally, and mentally abusive, and also physically threatening. Fortunately, he was not sexually abusive, and was good to me in that way.

In this video above, you can hear what I had to say about my past experience and how happy I am now to be free of that abuse, and living as a single, happy person.

Until next time, stay ace

Sandra xx

ASEXUAL AWARENESS WEEK 21-27TH OCTOBER 2018 – Coming Out As Asexual

Today marks the start of Asexual Awareness Week from Oct 21st-27th 2018. Otherwise know as #aceweek.

This is the week that many people around the world go that extra mile to raise awareness of Asexuality and it is a huge opportunity for those who have not yet come out as asexual but been thinking about it for some time, to do just that, and come out. This could be to family, to friends, or to a loved one, or all 3.

If you are thinking about coming out but not sure how to go about it, one of the other speakers at the UK Asexuality Conference said they found it best to explain how they feel in regard to having sex, rather than at first say they are asexual, which can be harder to understand.

Before I knew I am asexual, I used to say to heterosexual guys I dated, that I didn’t like sex. I didn’t even know asexuality existed back then, but I knew I didn’t like sex. I think this is an easier concept to grasp because people can relate to the fact that not everyone likes doing everything, in this case sex, whereas a lack of sexual attraction is more harder to understand; unless you are asexual, it is something that is never usually talked about – not unless you are fortunate enough to have bumped into someone who is asexual in your life, or seen an article, documentary, or radio show about it, or you just happen to come across it online.

If you haven’t yet read my Asexual Perspectives 47 Asexual Stories, Love, Life and Sex, ACElebration of Asexual Diversity book, I first discovered I am asexual in 2014, when I went to see a counsellor because I couldn’t date heterosexuals any more for fear of them wanting sex at the end of the date; it made me so very anxious that I almost wet myself. But, I said I still like kissing. She said she was very worried about me because I would have to have sex in order to keep a good guy. I was absolutely devastated as it was the worst thing she could have said to me, as I just couldn’t do it anymore.

Watch this short video above which explains that moment with the counsellor! https://youtu.be/2QDL9kHa-vQ

So after the counsellor said that to me, I got home and went online, I Googled “I love kissing but not sex” and that was when I discovered www.asexuality.org and asexuality, and after 3 weeks of research I finally understood not only that I am asexual, but what part of the asexual spectrum I was. It was a wonderful feeling of joy and relief to finally know there were others like me, who could live and love without sex.

What are you up to for Asexual Awareness Week?

In the last 3 weeks I have been preparing for Asexual Awareness Week by designing and producing lots of new Asexualise Asexual T-Shirts and merchandise for asexuals. Down below is a screenshot of some of those designs. Please click the following link for the full range of merchandise in my shop https://www.redbubble.com/people/asexualise/shop.

Asexualise Awareness Week

Asexualise T-Shirts are now on amazon UK here https://amzn.to/2OCEl2U

Until next time, stay ace,

Sandra

Happy shopping https://www.redbubble.com/people/asexualise/shop

 

Asexual Kindle Short Reads: What Are Asexual Kindle Short Reads Books?

Asexual Kindle Short Reads Books  

“Great Stories in One Sitting”

 

What Are Asexual Kindle Short Reads Books

Asexual Kindle Short Reads books, are digital Kindle Books which have been designed to be read in one sitting, as opposed to being read in days or even weeks! This is fantastic if you are a slow reader or got lots of projects on the go at once, or you lead a very busy life!

You can get Kindle Short Read books in many different genres which take different lengths of time to read: 15 minutes | 30 minutes | 45 minutes | One hour | 90 minutes | 2 hours or more. Although if you are an uber slow reader like me, you may take a while longer. I like to savor every asexy word and take it deep in my mind to analyze my feelings and thoughts on it! Do you do the same? Comment below and share your thoughts, I love to read you!

Asexualise.com is the place to be, for both long and short books about Asexuality.

Shop Now for the best Asexual Books on asexualise.com!

ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES 47 REAL LIFE ASEXUAL STORIES NOT TEXT BOOK DEFINITIONS

Asexual Perspectives
Asexual Perspectives Book
ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES: 47 ASEXUAL STORIES: LOVE, LIFE and SEX, ACElebration of ASEXUAL DIVERSITY

ASEXUAL PERSPECTIVES

One asexual from my Asexual Friends group was asking about my Asexual Perspectives book and did not realise that the 47 stories are real life asexual experiences of what it really means to be asexual in this sexualised world. This 560 page book took me a year to write and I interviewed asexuals from all over the globe and across the asexual spectrum. The best thing about this book is it is NOT A BOOK OF TEXT BOOK DEFINITIONS OF ASEXUALITY, IT IS A COLLECTION OF REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES that SHOWS you THE DIVERSITY OF THE ASEXUAL SPECTRUM, and can deepen your under of asexuality as a whole, with many relatable stories.

When you first discover you are asexual, it is like you have found your FREEDOM, and a HUGE weight has been lifted from your shoulders. I constantly get asked questions about asexuals and asexuality and this book answers all of them and so much more:

Can asexuals masturbate?
Can I still be asexual if I watch porn?
Can an asexual have a relationship with a sexual and make it work?
Can asexuals really find love and a relationship with another asexual?
If I have had sex in the past, but have no desire for it now and have not for some time, could I still be asexual?
What advice would you give to someone who is just discovering they are asexual?

In this book you will find out the answers to all those questions and so much more.

In this book you will read stories of how difficult it is being asexual in a sexualised world, how people ALWAYS knew they were different, but did not know why or how! BUT you will also read what the POSITIVES TO BEING ASEXUAL are.

In this book you will:

•Learn the asexual perspectives of Aromantics; Heteroromantics; Homoromantics; Panromantics; Grey Aces; Demi-sexual; Biromantic; Agender; Transgender; Polyamorous and many more.

•Uncover Asexuals’ deepest fears, concerns and worries about being asexual.

•Find out possible reasons why, in general, society does not accept asexuality as a sexual orientation in its own right and what we can do about this to change the world!

•Discover what asexuals really believe are the differences between sexual attraction, sexual desire and arousal.

•Find out what asexuals really think of nudity; porn; masturbation; BDSM and kinks.

•Discover what it feels like to have sex as an asexual and how to cope with the sexualized world that we live in.

•Find out what asexuals think about living together, about marriage and about having kids.

•Discover what an ideal asexual relationship would look like and whether asexuals believe a relationship with a sexual would be fair or not.

•Find out what advice asexuals would give to a younger version of themselves regarding asexuality and what advice they would give to others who are just discovering they may be asexual.

Asexual Perspectives is 47 Real Life Asexual Stories and makes the ideal self-love gift or a gift for that asexual friend! Perfect for a Christmas treat.

You can get it directly from Amazon here https://amzn.to/2LE1D2o

What Is The Asexual Pride Flag Meaning? What do the Asexual Pride Flag Colours Mean?

Asexual Clothing

Wearing Asexual clothing and having asexual accessories, makes you feel fantastic as an asexual because you are expressing your Asexual identity and showing you most definitely do exist.

Wearing Asexual clothing makes you feel empowered as an asexual and that you are truly living your asexual life and enjoying it. It makes you feel confident to be the wonderful and beautiful asexual you were always born to be!

Asexual Accessories can compliment your asexual clothes, and be as loud or as subtle as you wish them to be.

What’s Ace!

If you are not openly asexual, you can choose an asexual item that says ace on it, which is the slang term, or nickname word if you like, for being asexual, particularly when accompanied by the asexual flag colours, which are black, grey, white and purple.

What do the Asexual Pride Flag Colours Mean?

“The asexual pride flag consists of four horizontal stripes: black, grey, white, and purple from top to bottom. … The black stripe represents asexuality, the grey stripe representing the grey-area between sexual and asexual, the white stripe sexuality, and the purple stripe community.”

[Source Wikipedia.org]

Black, gray, white, purple stripes

The Asexual Pride Flag

“The asexual pride flag consists of four horizontal stripes: black, grey, white, and purple from top to bottom.

In August 2010, after a process of getting the word out beyond the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) and to non-English speaking areas, a flag was chosen following a vote on a non-AVEN site. It has since been seen used on Tumblr in various LGBT areas, but had been seen alongside other sexual orientation flags previous to formal election. The black stripe represents asexuality, the grey stripe representing the grey-area between sexual and asexual, the white stripe sexuality, and the purple stripe community.

The AVEN logo is a triangle fading from white to black to symbolise the gradient between sexuals, gray-asexuals, demisexuals, and asexuals.

The ace of spades and ace of hearts are also used as asexual symbols as “ace” is a phonetic shortening of asexual. Similarly, “aro” is commonly another abbreviation of aromantic. Generally, romantic asexuals use the ace of hearts as their symbol, and aromantic asexuals use the ace of spades.

Another common symbol for the asexual community is a black ring worn on the middle finger of their right hand. The material and exact design of the ring are not important as long as it is primarily black. This symbol also found its start on AVEN in 2005.”

[Source Wikipedia.org]

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